Jump lesson

Yesterday I had a jump lesson with Shannon. It was a good mix of work on the flat and some small fences, but working on those very important details. The take-aways: First, use my leg FIRST then my back for the down transitions. I have been doing better about remembering to use my back, but they still kind of tip forward onto the forehand and it's because I'm not using my leg also. Second, work on using inside leg to outside hand, plus outside leg, for the turns. I am still having trouble pulling my right hand and I need to pay a lot more attention to get this right because now I can feel what a difference it makes in how Charlie is going. Third, in my efforts to get a big canter out of Charlie, don't let him get all strung out. We had a few really good obvious examples where I'd let him get a bit flat instead of in his dressage canter (the hard part is balancing the big canter without the strung out), and we'd launch at the fences every time we were flat and strung out. But if I rode him in frame and balanced, we didn't have those launchers and had much better fences. Fourth, when and if Charlie spooks, I have to break the habit of turning him in a circle and instead make him keep doing his job. Then, miracle of miracles, today I finally felt draped going to the right in the canter, for the first time since I had vertigo at Christmas. The right side is still messed up, but I could feel the progress. This was a great lesson - I felt like some of the things Shannon has patiently repeated for the last two-three years are finally sinking in so I'm able to do them - and I can feel them (sometimes) before she says anything!

Current top 5 areas of focus

1. Heels down and forward - For this, I think lifting my toes and at each step, pushing my heels down and forward 2. Hands even and steady - For this, I am using rubberbands 3. Work on 2-point at trot and canter - Just trying to practice each time I'm in the jump saddle to build up these muscles so I don't pant my way around the course. Also, working on feeling the difference between 350 mpm and 400 mpm. 4. Feeling the hind legs at walk and trot. For trot, I think it is when you sit if you're posting, but I need to check that. 5. Independent leg aids, especially felt at the leg yield.

Another lightbulb!

Today I was having a hard time with my lower legs, keeping them kicked forward instead of pulling them back and up for the leg aid. The good news is now I can feel it when my lower leg swings back and up, the bad news is I don't feel it until after it has moved. But I figure that feeling it at all is progress, and soon I'll feel it earlier and earlier and eventually stop it completely and transition to a correct leg aid. I also had trouble coordinating my inside leg to outside hand - the whole day was one of the days where mostly I felt like a scarecrow up there, with a few moments where I got it together and a beam of light shone down from heaven. Then we worked on the leg yield - I've caught onto the timing of the aid leg, but I was still having Charlie's shoulders lead. I had figured out that I needed a "blocking" aid to stop his shoulder from popping through, but I was trying to do it off my hand. When Shannon finally figured out that I wasn't really using my outside leg, and had me use it as well - which was a feat of coordination to use it while using the other leg in a different way - everything snapped into place and I got some nice leg yields. So that was really nice, and another moment where I don't know why it doesn't occur to me to try to use my leg yields and instead I just keep doing it wrong with my hands. I also have reverted back to forgetting to use my back as an aid - as Shannon pointed out, I don't have any problems doing it over fences, and it's really the same thing - and she's right - I don't know why riding fences is SO much easier for me than riding dressage. It was a good lesson - frustrating, but with a couple of break through moments, so that was a nice reward!

Riding correctly

Today is noteworthy only in that I could finally see a direct result of all the past lessons during today's lesson where I actually could feel and had time to make the changes. We rode a very similar course to last week's at John's, only the long line had gotten longer and was a big 5 now. The light bulb that finally went off for me was the feeling of riding a big canter, but using the half halt around the corners and in between the fences to turn the big canter from a strung out, on the forehand canter to a ready to launch canter. Charlie helped by making it totally obvious: first time through line - long and strung out - horrible jumping on both our parts and he knocked the fence; second time through the line - big canter down the long side, half halt in the corner, half halt in between while keeping the big canter - perfectly flowing and harmonious fences. I still ride timid, and I'm prone to scrunching Charlie up slower and slower instead of getting him back on his haunches, but the feeling was so obvious and different when we jumped off the haunches instead of the forehand that I'm going to work really hard to make sure we never go back to forehand jumping. The other thing I caught onto was the importance of the line and the distances - we still had the bendy line, and my last line through I snipped part of it off, and it put us there at the wrong spot. While Charlie is experienced enough to get himself over the fence, I could really feel the difference from when we rode it on the correct bend. John said if you feel that you're off the line but can't fix it, you can do a bigger half halt, and it solves the problem also. It was another great lesson, and satisfying because I felt like I am not impossibly slow and am finally starting to put this stuff together. Also, gray horses make Charlie anxious.

Continuing to fail to correct the obvious

Today I had a great lesson with John, but a couple more slices of humble pie. First, I forgot about riding a bendy line from center to center, and couldn't tell why sometimes I got it right, and why sometimes we were a half stride off. Then, I kept forgetting to look at the next fence around a roll back corner, even though by the time I forgot it the 10th time or so I wanted to kick myself for overshooting and having to scramble to fix it. Third, I couldn't remember to half halt around the corners, while maintaining impulsion (key to this problem? I have been using my legs last instead of first in the half halt, so I lose impulsion when I half halt), so that we came into the fences nice and round. And fourth, Charlie has hoodwinked me in the half halts. He has cleverly been tucking his head, so I feel him go lighter in my hand, but I don't feel the "poof" in his back. This is because he isn't really half halting (see above). These were all perfectly timed for what looked like it would be hard on the novice courses, and I'd way rather know what my mistakes are, but I would like, every once in a while, to not look like a solid D student. I was telling myself, "C'mon Martha, pull it together" but as soon as I focus on one thing, another one drops off my radar and when I focus back on the dropped one, I drop a new thing.

Aspen video - 2nd round BN

The Beginner Novice course had an up bank, down bank, 3 stride combination, and the usual twisty turns. It rode really well and Charlie was an absolutely reliable champ. I rode the first round a little nervous and tight, so instead of going novice, I rode it again, much better except for we came into the final fence a little long so I launched it instead of adding an extra stride. Next month we'll do Novice twice and be ready to go for this year's season! Much to my surprise, the novice did not look that much bigger or harder (although it definitely needed more control for tighter turns while going faster so I'm probably grossly underestimating how hard that will be to do), except for the last fence which was an enormous rolltop. Since Charlie jumps like a dream, and jumps even better when the fences get bigger, today really helped me build confidence - although I was a little disappointed that I immediately got nervous when we got there, I was really pleased with how much improved my riding feels from the end of last year. I felt like I could think about a lot more things and react a lot better and plan ahead compared to last year. And like my position was more solid. And much to my relief, I did not have any issues with the right hand turns. Charlie is dreamy. I loooovveeee Charlie!

More Aspen derby photos

Some photos from the derby at Aspen

Improvement on the right lead canter

We started taking away my crutches today, and Shannon made me ride off the rail, so particularly for the right lead canter, I can't use the three corners of the arena as helpful corner forcers. Everything works (somewhat awkwardly, but works) if I keep my left hand down and pull back, either with a squeeze with my fingers or actual elbow back. What doesn't work is when I fling my right hand open. We also took some video today, and while a lot of things look better to me, the relative improvement in those areas accentuates my constantly moving hands and how obvious it is when I quit thinking about my aids, and my heels swing back up instead of doing the pinch aid. But what was good about it is there are moments - short and infrequent, but there if you don't blink - where I've got it together. So my goal for this year is to make those moments last longer and come more often. We did 20 meter, 15 meter, 10 meter circles, and then some center line work (so she could see how straight we were) and then some shoulder-in. I'm really happy that the progress is showing in the right lead canter. My body still moves very awkwardly compared to the left, but it's slowly slowly fixing.

4 ground exercises to strengthen my left side

Shannon and I went to John's today for a jump lesson, and he had vertigo once, so had some ground exercises and very quickly identified what was going on. It was eerie how quickly he was able to identify everything (and explain it's source) without even seeing me ride, and that it was identical to Shannon's observations over the past month and a half or so. He suggested that I stand on one leg (the right one) and first hold my left leg out until it is stable, then start moving it around so that it is independent of my hand. Second, get a stress ball and squeeze it with my left hand (which is weaker than my right, and probably why those fingers are always opening). Third, put some big rubberbands on my left forearm with my sleeve pushed up, attach them to the breastplate/martingale strap, and then my left arm won't be able to cross over the neck or move too far up the neck without the rubber band tension reminding it to stop (in other words, the rubber band tells me what I can't feel, like Shannon can do in a lesson but that I reinforce when I'm alone because I can't feel where that arm is). Fourth, try doing more with my left hand. Like brushing my teeth or grooming Charlie - the left side is basically atrophying because I use the right side so dominantly. Then he had us warm up by riding in a circle in between two standards, so I HAD to steer Charlie properly. Then we jumped a cross rail with that same hard right hand turn through the standards to the right to the fence, so I had to make the right hand turn in a hard way three times on the circle. Then we jumped two fences in a modified figure 8. Same exercise here with the right hand, only I had more space, and to the left, the focus was on bending his neck to the left. This one was awful because out of, I don't know - 12-20 times - I maybe landed on the correct lead twice. Even a 50/50 chance would have better results. These exercises worked because of just the slightest difference in the wording of what I should do - pull my left elbow BACK. It prevents my left hand from crossing over his neck, it acts like a half halt, and it steers. But when I think pull on my left hand, I pull it up or forward or over. The other tip was to act like my right elbow was attached to my hip, making a hinge. I can still open my right hand, but I can't lift my elbow out. And then after I was able to turn to the right again, the next level of refinement was to ask for the canter to be bigger first, ask with my right leg, then pull the left hand back. This got Charlie to come around the corner very well balanced, and it made a huge difference in our approach to the fence. I think these are the same things as before - ride from the outside rein, bend, connect - but something about having vertigo suddenly accentuated all of it, and both Shannon and John were right in now that we've identified it, we can fix it.

Pema Chodron and the C student

Pema Chodron is the only buddhist I've ever been able to read (or listen to, in a book on tape in the car) and really understand what she's saying. She claims, in one lecture, it's because she's a C student and because she had to work so hard at things that came naturally to other people studying buddhism, it helps her explain things now. Personally, I think it's probably more because she used to be a kindergarten teacher and thus, can explain it at the lowest common denominator. Regardless, it's what I was thinking of today when I had a total meltdown and just lost my marbles because of my continued inability to turn right at the canter. I can use three of the walls, but the one corner that needs actual steering, I can't do it, we just drift down the long side of the arena. This post is merely to say that I can't turn right in the hopes that one day, I'll look back and be glad I'm past this phase, and that it really didn't take as long as it feels like it is going to. The magic has something to do with NOT lifting my left hand, but I have no idea what it is that's wrong since I can do it in the walk and the trot and I try to mimic all of the feelings exactly.

A couple things are better; some perpetual issues

Today was kind of a discouraging lesson because even though I'm all fired up and looking forward to this year's show season, I'm still a passive rider. It's like no matter how many tools are in my tool belt, until Shannon tells me what to do, I don't think or try to do anything myself. It's infuriating. And I'll focus on one thing, and it's just random luck when I happen to be focusing on the thing that needs to be focused on. We jumped today, and the goods part were Shannon raised the jumps a bit and it didn't faze me at all, my lower leg feels pretty good and steady underneath me, and riding up in my half seat with my hands pushed into his neck feels really comfortable now compared to how it felt all new and different last year. The bad news? I still ride passive and quiet to the fence, can't correct an error when it starts, and my right hand is still a loony tune. Shannon had me ride in the warm up with my right hand pressed into his mane, forward up his neck, and the left hand pressed down near the martingale strap. This feels crazy, but she said it's to reset the feeling where "correct" is. We had two additions that proved to be more difficult than they should have, plus two run-outs that I completely failed to correct. First, we rode a barrel on its side, with wings, so there was a tiny narrow part to jump over. We did this late last summer just fine, so I approached it focusing on the prior instruction - eyes up and forward, instead of looking down at what we were jumping. So even though I felt the run-out coming from way far away, I did NOTHING to stop it. No kicking, no growling, no smack with the whip. We just ran out, ran past it, and then finally wound down to a halt. So then the next five times, I tried to fix it, but instead of kicking and sitting up, I'd see saw with my hands, especially my right hand, making him bulge out through the left shoulder, and we'd jump it at a wonky angle. I had to clamp the right hand into his neck, and then focus on riding assertively with my legs to make it work. Then our next hard fence was a diagonal line - straight over the wall and then stay on a line so we jumped a barrel vertical at an angle. And for this one, Charlie kept charging in between the two. So for this one, I had to think "half halt" to re-balance around the corner to the fence, before the fence, as soon as we jumped, and then I'd half halt again a couple strides in, and then we could fit in the stride and jump the line, but he charged a bit after the last half halt. Shannon said this was because he was bored once he knew what the exercise was. I looked back at the lessons from a year ago to see what we were working on then, and sadly, it was my goofy right hand. I think one of the obstacles is that I do the one jump lesson a week, and don't jump in between, so I really only work on this during the lesson. Originally, what I wanted to do was have Shannon ride once a week to keep him tuned up, jump twice a week (once in a lesson), give him a day off, a day of trail riding/conditioning, and then two days of dressage.

Humble pie eating contest

We are racing out the door to White Pass, so this is a very brief synopsis of my lesson - which is fine because it's not the sort I could pleasantly dwell on. I'm going to tell myself that breakthroughs to the next level don't happen until you're really struggling, although I'm not sure that's true, but I WAS struggling today. We went back a few lessons to leg yielding. To one direction (the right) it's a cakewalk. The other way (left), I get myself all tangled up, we start going sideways and eventually just halt. There's a lot going wrong. My right hand lifts up and then opens - my right leg squeezes up to the saddle pad, my left hand starts pulling, and my legs are kicking inconsistently. We had to break it down into a walk, then with Shannon walking alongside me with each specific instruction, and finally, with her riding and me watching. First - I need to give the leg aid when his hind leg is lifting. So if we're going right, it is when his left hind leg lifts, which is when my right hip starts to move forward. My leg sputters. Second - My leg aid isn't correct. I either twist my toe out to dig my heel in, or lift my heel up to squeeze way up high next to the saddle pad. This was easiest to see standing on the ground watching Shannon give the aid. She squeezes from the lower leg but doesn't really use her heel at all. This part, oddly, was absolutely the hardest for me to wrap my tiny brain around. Third - I get frustrated and then start spazzing out with my hands and legs. Fourth - So Charlie stops listening because it's information overload, and then, on the rare occasion when I get it right, he doesn't respond, so I don't realize whether or not I've gotten it right. (Until Shannon gets on, gets him responsive, and then I get on again.) I'm having a low moment where I feel like there's no way I should be competing or even wasting instructor's time, and then I repeat to myself that this is just the next layer of refinement, and it feels overwhelming because it's all so new, but just like struggling to keep my leg from swinging two years ago is now just habit, one day this will be too and I'll be working on something even more refined and feeling just as frustrated about how I'm the worst rider in the world. In other words, I'm trying to put a positive spin on this (It's progress!) instead of a negative (I suck!).

Sluggish reaction time

Charlie got the beginning of the week off for some epsom soaking, but an abscess never popped out. On Thursday he was a delight to ride - frisky so I didn't need any leg, but happy to be back to work - Friday he was a poop for Shannon. We jumped outside today, taking advantage of the rare February clear, dry day. Charlie was a champ, except for one very embarrassing run out, although I'm not even sure you could call it that since it started so incredibly far away. A branch fell in the arena, and sometimes Charlie spooks at it and sometimes he doesn't. We hadn't ridden past it until we were heading for the fence today, and so he saw it and zeroed in on it, and although I could feel it coming from what felt like a million miles away, I couldn't figure out how to prevent the spook. So he had lots and lots of time to decide what he was going to do while I sat there and did nothing. Then, once he started to react, I did exactly the wrong thing (turned him in the direction he was already going) and then when I caught myself and remembered I was supposed to use the opposite hand, I made us go the other wrong way. Shannon's instructions were, no matter what - keep him going towards the fence. Even if you have to stop and then hop over it from a standstill. After that initial reaction, though, the rest of the lesson was a cakewalk. We did the skinny wall to a vertical with barrels under it (side note: When Shannon looks like she is playing Donkey Kong and rolling a barrel, Charlie keeps a careful eye on her), with a right hand turn to an oxer that Shannon raised a hole from the last lesson, so Charlie made himself nice and round over it. I noticed I prefer jumping because I like riding in my half seat with my hands pressed into the side of his neck. Everything is easier when my hands are up there out of the way. I also got one fence where I got the "extra" stride in instead of launching (last year's lessons stuck with me!) and another where I launched my hands forward, which is something I noticed at the end of last year that I started to do.

Trail riding homework & Frisky Charlie

For today's jump lesson, Charlie started out frisky and stayed consistently frisky. This was good because I got an opportunity to watch how Shannon would handle it, which is much more firm (and quick) than me. I always appreciate it when I'm in a lesson for something new getting introduced that I don't have the tools to know how to react. On the ground, I tend to kind of casually walk in front of Charlie, instead of next to his shoulder with a person's width space between me and his shoulder. If he is trying to hop around and get in her personal space, she makes him halt and, if needed, shows him the whip so he's more respectful. We started with some work on a circle, and he was nice and energetic, but he was so energetic she had me do two gallop laps each direction. I was really hesitant to do it - I've lost my desire to go fast - but once we got going and I trusted Charlie, it was actually fun and he couldn't hop one way or the other while he was focused on going forward. Then we jumped, two fences in a half circle to a half figure 8, which Shannon gradually raised to 2'8". The big lesson from this - for today with a frisky Charlie - was to work on my hands pressed into his neck. Especially turning on the right lead canter, to press my right hand up his neck, left hand pulled back to the breastplate, and clamp them down, and then try to bend him to the left (which, when I feel is wildly to the left, is about straight) - and to do that with my hands pressed into his neck means I squeeze the left rein like a sponge and use my left leg. The first few fences, Charlie was very enthusiastic, and as we'd come to them, the last few strides he'd kind of lunge forward, and blow past my half halts with my seat (especially once I had my hands clamped down). But after he got over his enthusiasm, he went back to his normal jumping. Shannon suggested that I try the exaggerated hand position for a while just to reset my brain. She also gave me homework - riding once a week on the trail, with the reins in one hand and that hand being still and quiet. She said it will be good for me to trick my hands into not always fidgeting, good for Charlie to work on his 5th leg, and good for Charlie mentally to have a break from me overthinking and overworking everything.

Our first flying change! (sort of)

Today we started with some leg yields, where I immediately got all wonky and would pull my right hand back to try to straighten Charlie to the left. While this was infuriating (after the 5th time in a row I did it while I swear (I swear, Shannon!) I was telling my body to do the opposite), it did lead to a new way to think about my hands. Shannon noticed whenever I try to do anything that involves my left hand, It likes to cross over Charlie's neck. (And I say "It" on purpose like It has a mind of Its own.) So she came up with some instructions for It to try to help It not just cross over - either squeezing like a sponge, pulling back, or (at the end of the lesson) remembering to use my back and keep both hands together and lean back just a tiny bit - something she taught me probably 6 months ago that I have since forgotten to do. Actually, before that we worked on 10 meter circles at the trot, then when I'd get back to the rail, at the canter, where I exhibited my idiot inability to turn right at the canter, with my right hand flinging out into space and my left hand flailing over the neck. Then we did some counter canter and bending Charlie to the inside and outside while going along the rail. All of this, I'm also trying to think about kicking my lower leg forward with my heels down and toes pointed in. Then we got on a smallish circle on the left lead, came around counterclockwise to noon, and then pointed straight at 6 (the rail) and then I'd turn his neck to the right, and ask for right lead canter. It took a few tries, and then Charlie realized what I was trying to ask him for, and tried to do it, but I'd panic and get him twisted, so he only switched his front end. But it was this BIG jump up in the air when he was switching. And he is sooooo sweet that he tried so hard to figure out what the hell I was asking him to do flailing around up there and then tried to do it. AND - as a side effect, then when I went the wrong way once, then Shannon noticed if I try bending Charlie to the outside, I can make a really small circle going to the right. So it has something to do with my right hand or shoulders I think, which means focus on "hands backward" from what they want to do - push my right hand forward and pull my left hand back and then things stay even and he can do a regular old right hand circle.

I am not an ambi-turner

I am not sure what is going on, but I've started having a lot of trouble turning to the right. We worked on this last lesson with a lot of different exercises. First, Shannon made a circle and I rode around it to the left, trying to be aware of what every part of my body was doing. Then I rode around it to the right, trying to feel what was different. As best I can tell, I twist my upper body to the right (to the inside), and then I either lift my lift hip (so my butt isn't touching as solidly as on the right) or I bear down on the right which forces the left up (can't tell which), and then open my right hand out wide. I have no idea why, and have very little control to squish it back all into place like it does when going to the left. We tried bridging the reins, and riding with them bridged and my hands pressed into his neck to try to keep the right hand from opening, which worked, but felt horribly awkward. I'm a few days late in posting this - the rest of the lesson was great but this was the focus area. It's weird - at the start of last year (not quite a year ago), we noticed how Charlie was always bent to the right, but then I could still turn right. In the course of improving everything else, somehow it has brought this issue to the forefront. We also worked on kicking my legs forward. I lift my heel for the aids, and I'm trying to keep my legs off of him except for the aid, and then to do it like a squeezing pincher instead of squeezing back onto his side. This, like all other body position changes, feels weird, like I'm sitting in a rocking chair, but then looks correct in the mirror instead of my way. The great news is that the things we've been working on the last few months, instead of just doing what Shannon says, I can actually feel it! So when Charlie is a bit uneven in the contact or is hanging on the reins, now I can feel he is doing it and know the correction!!!

First jump lesson post-vertigo

I finally jumped again! I rode again with upside down hands, which helps tremendously, and Charlie provided one perfectly timed learning opportunity by spooking at a cone, so Shannon had us ride past it until we got it right (opposite leg, bent away from spooky object). Today's challenge was making sure even with upside down hands that my right hand didn't pull further back than the left, and then making right turns. I want to cross my left hand over his neck, so I have to press my left hand into his neck and make sure I really think "wheelbarrow" hands so I turn from the outside. We just did a little vertical with ground poles and then a little oxer and then the oxer to the ground poles. I was a little off on the landing - kind of thunking down too hard and early on Charlie's back - but it went far better than I expected it to, so I think it's just one more week of "rehab" and then we can go back to gearing up for this year. And of course, I didn't escape needing to drop my weight into my heels and keep my legs from their constant staccato, but the good news is that a lot of the things Shannon described to me when she rode when I couldn't (a bit heavy on the hands, uneven weight in the hands) I can feel now - maybe a bit belatedly, but at least I can feel it - and I know how to correct it! I feel the new habits starting to click in! I'm so excited! We are definitely going to have to work on those right turns though - I wonder if that's where I lose it in show jumping in the past, and I just wasn't tuned in enough to what was going on to realize why. And I haven't mentioned it in a while, but I loooovveeee Charlie. He's the best horse ever.

Upside down hands

Today Charlie rode like a champ, and I could finally canter again without tilting around like a scarecrow, but the real gem was when Shannon took away my whip and made me ride with my hands upside down on the reins. I quit reefing on Charlie's mouth, and then he was free to move like he does when Shannon rides him. It was pretty remarkable to feel what an impact my hands are having, especially because I really can't feel them doing it. It helps that Shannon has done most of the work on him this week with me not being able to ride much, and so my new long-term goal is to get as good as Shannon. He was a real delight - we even caught a break in the rain and got to ride in the outdoor arena.

Peeling the onion

It's been a frustrating month and a half. I had a big work deadline which kept me away from the barn for most of a month, and just a few days after that ended, I got vertigo - the horsewoman's curse - which hasn't quite resolved yet. I walked on Charlie for the first time yesterday, and today I had a lesson with Shannon to try trotting and see how it went. It felt like I looked the first time I rode - hands in front of me and high like a waterskier - standing up in the stirrups - weaving around in the saddle like a drunk when I tried to change directions.
The silver lining is I have no excuse but to work on the minutiae until the vertigo is resolved - keeping my hands even, holding my lower leg off Charlie's side unless I am asking for an aid, asking once and expecting him to maintain it until I ask him for something else, working on a nice square halt, not Charlie's haunches going out to the right, no poll dropping, and flexion - Charlie is stiff through his neck, especially to the right, and I'm pretty confident this is because I reel on his poor right cheek like I'm trying to pull in a whale.
However, in a "d'oh" moment, I whined to Shannon that when I put my elbows on my hips to make sure my hands are even, every time I look down, my right hand is further back. First, my slow brain thought my right arm was short, but then when I got off, and I was showing Shannon from the ground, she pointed out that one of my hips is tilted back, and so I should probably just stop using elbows on hips as the reference point.
The other silver lining was two days ago and today I watched Shannon ride and she described what she was doing while she was doing it (and why), and it was really helpful to be able to see from the ground what doing it right looks like, and hearing what she was doing when I couldn't see it. Charlie moves so nice for her, and I still feel like he got the short end of the stick between the two of us.

Looking forward and back

The progress I've made over the last year:
1. I don't ride with my hands - as much.
2. I don't pinch with my knees - all the time.
3. My legs aren't crazy random egg beaters always flapping.
4. I can sit the trot - when it's slow and easy.
5. I can go to a beginner novice show and kick some booty.

My goals for next year:
1. Get my right hand even and make it stop pulling and get my left hand closed.
2. Master impulsion - or at least improve my leg aids (this goal has many subparts).
3. Improve use of my core and back as the aid, instead of my hands.
4. Work on 2nd level dressage.
5. Show novice eventing and stay in the ribbons.

Recalibration

I had a nice, steady lesson on Charlie today. He gave me just enough to work on to not be cocky (not that I have any reason to be after riding 3 times in the last month) but we made satisfying progress and I felt like I got it. Shannon's tip for when I'm riding by myself is to work on bending both ways and then going straight. She said Charlie was overbent to the left and stiff to the right. We worked on the proper response to the spooking (after she rode him this week, it's getting him in front of my leg and then letting him go up and down instead of faster forward or sideways) and then counter canter, which feels so wonky around the corners. News flash - even when counter cantering, they should bend in the "proper" direction (towards the inside). It was a great lesson, satisying on multiple levels, but I'm just too pooped from my month of work to do it justice describing it. I'm written out.

Sir Spooksalot

Charlie, with his generous heart, today gave me lots of time to work on how to ride him when he's being a little squirrely about rain and wind and boogeymen. In addition to the same old (legs under me, not behind me; left hand closed and back; right hand not gripping with death grip), what we worked on was doing the opposite of what I want to do - making him feel confident in me. I used inside leg (away from the spooky thing), and inside hand to pat, and then outside leg and hand to stay firm. And if the wind was particularly rattling, I did a bit of shoulder-in and planned ahead. In theory. In practice, I pretty much flunked every single time past, but at least we figured out what I do wrong (hit with whip and clench hands) and so now I know what to practice doing right. As we warmed up, my feet are now creeping back behind me, so I need to feel like they're in front of me like a chair. And my left hand is a wimp and my right hand is a lunatic control freak. It is very, very, very hard to get the left hand to stay firm and in place while softening with the right hand. Almost impossibly hard. So that needs a lot of practice time.

3'8" & a 4' (spread) oxer

The primary lesson from the flat from this week's John lesson was to really pull Charlie together - not to let him schlep around on the forehand. I can do this with John (or anyone) correcting me from the ground, but I'm still struggling with identifying the right level on my own. Mostly, it is pushing him forward so he has impulsion, then "channeling" it with "side-rein" hands and using my core for half-halts. I also need to work more on heels down and forward (not swinging behind me), sitting up tall, and Charlie's bend to the inside. Over fences, we started with this little vertical, and both Charlie and I (but particularly me) jumped it like we'd never jumped anything before. But as John gradually raised it, Charlie got rounder and bouncier as we came to it. I like how John gradually changes things, so I can keep working on what I'm trying to do (I am soooo slow) but don't have to think about a new fence in a new location. So I could work on coming around the first corner (the critical time period), looking at the fence, sitting up, keeping my leg on, keeping the rhythm consistent, and then a little half halt with leg on for a SPRING over the fence. Charlie really rounds up and gets interested when the fence gets taller or wider, which means he jumps easier and better and I have less to do. John said that when Shannon switched to Training from Novice that's when Charlie really started to shine, so hopefully I can pull my act together and not make him stay at Novice too long. After we got the vertical all the way up to 3'8" (from a trot) and Charlie had a couple really nice round fences, then we switched to an oxer. Oxers are easier to canter (first, at least) because they are wider, and there's more impulsion coming in from the canter. For this one, we worked on the same thing - it wasn't that high, but John gradually made it wider and wider (with a pole laid diaganolly across it). So again, I worked on a nice, bouncy, even canter, sitting up around the corner and half-halting, keeping my eye up, and then kicking at the fence. Charlie was a total rock star over this one. His ears picked up and when the fence got wide, I had to quit looking at it because it was so huge, but Charlie just ROCKED it. The take away was that when I could keep all the "tips" in my head, and when Charlie perked up, I could ride pretty easy to the fence and to the spot, and it felt really smooth. So that felt great. What still needs work is I can't consistently "see ahead" what's going to go wrong in time to fix it. I really like the John lessons. At the end, I always look at the fences with awe, but he builds them up so gradually that each lesson builds confidence without being overwhelming.

Pitiful helpless left hand

We worked more on the hard circle today - going to the right, spiraling in - and were able to further identify the problem. While I can put my left hand up the neck no problem, when I try to put my right hand up, my left hand follows it. And if I try to hold it still, my whole body bends to try to follow it. We did a few other exercises where all I could feel was that terrible limp left hand not doing its job, like riding in a straight line in the canter off the rail, and we'd just drift, drift, drift to the left because my left hand couldn't "block the water" like the Centered Riding analogy has for the hose. Shannon made me first try to bend each way (couldn't bend to the left) and then ride a leg yield (?) in to the right off the left leg, which forced my left hand to clamp down and my left leg to do its job. It was a very good, but very frustrating lesson. When we peeled that layer off the onion to "polish" I had no idea how difficult this next level was going to be. I can't wait until future me is looking back and reading this and being relieved that the phase was over with. In other words, keep the faith present Martha.

Sinister left hand!

My left hand ran amok today. After a brief warm up and review of some of the position suggestions I had from Major Beale and John, we started working on the circle that spirals in and spirals out. This was ok going to the left, but when we tried going to the right (clockwise), things fell apart. It took a while to figure out where the source of the problem was (for me), but it ended up being my left hand, which refused to obey me. We had to go way, way down - to a halt - and then very slowly and deliberately work our way back up to the spiral circle in and out at the trot. It was infuriating that I couldn't get my hand to obey me, and that it threw off the whole exercise so dramatically. It was also good to get it isolated - and fixed - so that I can work on that on my own. The list of things I am working on, though, has gone from "proficient but polishing" to "everything" and so I am wrestling a bit with overthinking every single thing and not being able to keep them all in my head. Charlie was moving nice (once we got going) and my seat at the canter felt really improved, but that hand! Good lord!

Challenged by simplicity

Today's weather was sunshine with intermittent holy fury of god rainstorms. We tacked up in the rainstorm. Got inside and watched the rider before us finishing in sunshine. Started riding in rainstorm. Had to strain to hear John in rainstorm. Then, once tired and wanting excuse of couldn't hear, sunshine. Then cooled off in rainstorm. You get the drift. Now that fall is upon us, I had my first inside John lesson. He had a very simple set-up - a single white vertical and then a 2 stride combination, vertical to vertical, but with flowers and colorful rails. First he gave me some pointers on the same posture issues that I've been working on with Shannon and that Major Beale identified. For my clamped right knee, which he says comes from too tight quad, open the knee. I was shocked, and then looked at my left knee and saw it looked the same. Rolling the knee open means the quad can't overpower the rest of my leg, and it, somewhat unexpectedly, puts the front of my calf on Charlie as my aid instead of the back. Then for the arched back, he said for dressage, think of something poking a finger right in between your shoulder blades, and you want to grab it with your shoulder blades. For the lower back, think about a flat palm against your shoulder blades and pushing into it, and also lengthening the rib cage up - like making more space between your hip and the bottom of your rib cage, but also elevating the whole rib cage, like a balloon is tied to it. Then, after you get used to those feelings, you undo them just a bit - so your knee doesn't really fly out a mile above the saddle. We did a bit of warm up, and I had a hard time keeping Charlie together instead of strung out. I think we were both tired from the clinic. Then we jumped the white fence as a cross rail, vertical, bigger vertical, much bigger vertical. My main instruction was to sit up around the corner, half halt at the corner, and then, infuriatingly, every single time I went to the left (we were riding a clockwise circle) when I landed. John put down a rail which helped a bit. I needed to use my left hand and my right leg - Charlie was coming in crooked (the same crooked from Major Beale's clinic, his haunches in, so bulging out through his left shoulder - off my right leg in other words), and I'd try to straighten him which would push us further left (instead of pushing with my left leg to straighten him into the center of the fence, I'd push with my right and get us even further towards the standard). This tiny little simple thing eluded me, and the elusiveness chased me to the next exercise on the combination. Here, we did it both directions, and for the life of me, I could not ride the damn thing straight, even though it was only two strides in between. Eventually, John had me halt afterwards, side pass to the right (off the left leg) and then turn left and go again. Shannon also said we tended to chip the first fence, so even though I was counting, I was coming in funny. John pointed out that I might be able to scoot through a double, but a triple, as I drift to the left each fence, is going to make us off on the strides and really hard for Charlie to bunch up and go over it. So the key take-away for this week's triple combination? STRAIGHTNESS! I was feeling sorry for myself and how pitiful a rider I was, but then I looked at the dressage pyramid and was pleased to see that straightness at least was not the very bottom of the pyramid. Charlie jumps like a champ though. The fences weren't really that big (I checked when we walked past cooling off - they were just BN), but he was really rounding up over them.

2nd day of Major Beale clinic

One freak change led to fortuitous happenstance at today's clinic. Due to some scheduling changes, we brought my dressage saddle for Charlie. Even though things shifted again and I didn't need it, I was too lazy to take it off, so I started my ride in it. Major Beale said that it helped my seat tremendously, and from now on, to ride Charlie in that saddle. So hats off to fortune! Today's ride made me feel a little less like a waste of his time and a lot more like the cherry on the slice of humble pie. First, and the most glaring follow up from yesterday, was he took my whip and set it on the saddle behind my butt (so it ran up my back and ended at my helmet). Then he had me put my hand behind my back to feel how big the gap was between my back and my whip. Then he had me try to suck my back into the whip - which was close to impossible for me to do without rounding my shoulders. When I finally got it right, it felt like I was hunched forward in my shoulders, even though actual hunched forward is a very different feeling. So I am going to tackle that all winter - with the mirrors in our arena, and at work and home with one of those inflatable balls and mirrors. I am pretty sure what I am missing is "stacking the blocks". Next, we worked again on straightness. The big revelation here is that the source of the problem is I can't feel straight - I can't feel the back end of the horse, whether it's crooked or straight or which way (or which hind foot is stepping underneath). So this is another one Shannon is going to work with me on over the winter. Another instruction was to watch my leg - it likes to creep backwards, and I need to give the aid from the girth. Major Beale suggested thinking of my bringing my seat forward over my leg, instead of my leg backward under my seat. Then we did a whole series of different exercises from yesterday, which sadly I am not going to do justice to. The main take away was how good Charlie felt, and the consistent things I needed to do were: keep my hands the soft "wall" that stopped the forward energy and let it "poof" up - but the "poof" comes from using my core as the real brake, not my hands pulling backwards; continuing to work on knees and toes pointed forward (toes feels pigeon toed) and the front of my leg giving the aid and the rest of the time staying off his side; steering Charlie like a wheelbarrow, with both hands making a tunnel for him; using the left leg as a block - to stop him from bulging out from the strong right leg; in the canter, again using my stomach to root my seat into the saddle - when this plugs in it feels so solid and wonderful. We worked on shoulder-in down the long side, then lengthening circles or halt transitions; and leg yields down the long side facing the wall keeping the momentum going and not slowing down. Major Beale explained what I call the poof as kinetic vs. potential energy. Kinetic energy is a horse moving forward. Potential energy is impulsion. I get the idea of impulsion, and I feel like I'm just the hair's breadth away from the light bulb going off so that I can make it happen on my own. Just like yesterday, it felt amazing, and Charlie was, like always, a total champ and good sport, helping me out as best he could. It was such an incredible experience and I'm so lucky to have had this opportunity.

More humble pie

I'm pretty close to as humbled as you can get. Today was my first time riding in a clinic with Major Beale, and for my overview, I told him that as I've worked closely with Shannon on Charlie this year, as we progressed, I began to realize that I was fudging the basics. As one example, Charlie is usually bent to the right. Major Beale then proceeded to turn my whole world on its ear. First, he had me walk both directions. Then I rode a circle at the trot, each direction without my inside stirrup. Then he told me that my right leg is clamped on - without the stirrup, it doesn't move, but with both stirrups, it is so dominant that I post crooked - up and to the left. So that makes Charlie's left shoulder bulge out, which makes me clamp on with my right hand, which bends him to the right, which ends up in that "C" shape to the right. So he said, innocently enough, that we'd work on correcting that. Here's my confession. I wanted him to see me ride, identify a tiny fix, and then praise me for having a wonderful natural seat despite really only having a couple years of good training from Mike and Shannon. I didn't know I wanted this until I was pouring sweat at the end of the ride. So the primary exercise we did was standing up in the stirrups, at the trot for half the arena, then a shoulder-fore or haunches-out down the other side of the arena. Then we worked without stirrups completely on the canter, on a circle, and for this one, we worked on pulling my legs away from the saddle (hard to do, even without stirrups), and then tucking my tail-bone under but not arching my back. For both of these, we also worked on asking Charlie to keep his impulsion with only the whip - no leg - because the second I'd quit thinking about my leg, it would start clamping on him again. We also worked on the inside track - I think to keep me from using the outside rail as a crutch. Every once in a while, I would pull it all together, and there would be that moment of magic like I had in the lesson with Shannon a couple lessons ago - where I felt everything fall into place, and I was completely and utterly plugged in to Charlie and felt perfectly in place. Most of the time, I felt like my body had a mind of its own and was impossible for me to control. Major Beale will say to stretch my leg long, and I would try to stretch it long, but it would pretty much blow me off. We also had very humiliating moment (for me) where he asked me how to steer, and I guessed pretty much everything under the sun BUT the reins. I can't even bear to repeat everything I guessed other than the reins. It was a brilliant lesson, and he did a great job seeing all my foibles (the humble pie for me), and those moments felt incredible, but it's just that I thought I was an ok rider, and it turns out I know close to nothing. I WANT to know this stuff, I just wish I had learned it earlier. It's also just a bit out of my grasp. I feel it when it is right, I am just not sure how to control my body to make it right. Also, my right hip and my sacrum are SORE already!

Ride every step!

Today's jump lesson at John's started like we'd been shot out of a cannon. Instead of my usual style of poking around for 30 minutes "warming up", we did our flat warm up, a cross rail at a trot, a vertical at a canter, and then moved right into an oxer with a hard left turn to a panel (I missed it the first time). From there, we did several courses, the only common element being oxers and a bendy line (oxer to vertical to vertical). What this showed was my weaknesses, and doing so many variations gave me several chances to fix them. What would usually happen would be I'd fix one, but drop another one, so while I had good fences, I don't think I ever rode an entire course without errors (error = sloppy jump on my end). For example, I'd kind of angle the oxer to vertical to vertical to make it a straight line, because I had trouble making the two bends (sitting up, half halting was key #1). When I tried to ride it bend to bend, I'd miss the strides and we'd have to chip or launch. What I needed to do was ride straight to the middle of each fence, which required me to ride very precisely and not just shoot around. But usually I'd have to not screw up on the oxer - if I did, my reactions weren't fast enough to correct in between the two. A couple of times I got it right, which felt amazing. The big lesson was to ride precisely. Second, adjust my canter - lengthen it and then half halt before the corner to the fence - then sit up tall, ride to it, and keep my hands planted so I don't mess with stuff at the last second. Like always, look ahead to the next fence, and use that outside rein (and outside leg!) to make those tight corners. I was panting the entire way through the lesson, and bright red, but afterwards, we walked the fences and they were just regular old beginner novice height, so making the course more technical really worked a number on me. Although the one line I did that Holly got to skip (thank god Shannon trained Charlie to be such a champ), had an oxer in to a 2 stride (?) to a vertical. I am pretty sure I have never in my life ridden an oxer to a vertical (it's always vertical to oxer) and it was amazing the difference it made in how I looked at the line. It was a GREAT lesson that made me wish I had more time during the week to practice so I could hopefully speed up the retraining of some of these sticky bad habits. Actually, it makes me wish I could only ride - be a working student half time for a dressage trainer and half time for a jumper. That would be pretty much the coolest life ever.

Dyno move - or Flip Side of the Coin

Today's lesson is going to be one big analogy and not a lot of description about what we were actually doing, but bear with me for the explanation why. Ok, this summer, as we progressed into 2nd level movements, it dawned on me that I have been, perhaps, fudging the basics. I am the walking, talking example of why going the long route is the short route as we re-start my basics and undo my bad habits. That means that over the last month, I have spent my time riding thinking this: 1. toes in; 2. heels down; 3. legs forward; 4. hips open; 5. stomach tight (keeps my back from being sway back); 6. shoulders up and down (slide my shoulder blades down my back); 7. stomach tight (I have to do it again after my shoulders); 8. hands even (horizontal and vertical plane); and 9. elbows on hips. What this did was neglect the other basics - moving forward and not slogging around the arena, so today's lesson brought that to the forefront. We ignored my stupid heels and worked on Charlie moving forward. This is what I both love and hate about riding. I love that it is always a challenge - that there is always room to grow. But I hate how I can have been riding for 20 years and still need a lesson on moving a horse forward. I KNOW that if you could get to Grand Prix after 5 years of riding, I would have quit riding at year 6, but sometimes I wonder whether I'm the worst rider in the universe that at 20 years, I'm still working on what feels like basics. So I have to look for objective information, and what I'm going to focus on here is the training pyramid and impulsion. But I think the training pyramid should really be a training staircase - or, more realistically, a dyno board. I used to do a lot of rock climbing, and one of my least favorite exercises were pull-ups on the dyno board. You'd hang from it and do a pull up, then launch yourself up one level and do a pull-up on a slightly smaller grip, then launch yourself up and do a pull-up on just your fingertips, etc. And making the jump from one stage of the pyramid to the next is kind of like this wall, and you're beating your head against it, and then you figure out how to leap, fall off, and then leap again until you get the grip and scramble up. Then you fall off again, but this time you climb up faster. So the flip side of the coin is that I ride for the challenge, but I also prefer the times when I'm victorious on top of the step. But after a little while up there, I'm ready for the next step. And the tricky part is that you can't really see the steps above you until you're on them - you think you're doing ok because you can't see just how many steps there are. At least, I have. It feels like I have been beating my head against this particular step for a year now. While I'm glad to be improving (now I know the step is there, which I did not know two years ago), I'm ready to be scrambling onto that step instead of still looking at it. Today's lesson was a good example of how I'm standing at the base of it looking up. At the end of the lesson, I have a few glimpses of the top of the step, but I am completely incapable of describing what I DO when I ride to get that feeling. When I am alone, getting that feeling is the exception rather than the rule, but I can now get it every once in a while. And I recognize it when it's there, but I don't know to get it. So that means I can't really describe what we did today. I know it's the step, and I like how it feels on the top, and it's the essential next step, I just wish the reward was coming a little faster.

Rider, correct thyself!

Yesterday Shannon and I went down to Caber for another lesson with John. Starting at the end, we both jumped this whopper fence - an oxer that I think was at least training level height! Shannon did it on Holly, which was amazing to see a good rider teaching a young horse, and I did it on Charlie, who thought it wasn't a big thing, but it looked enormous to me! The lesson from the flat was to turn from the outside, when Charlie cocks his head instead of bending, lift that hand up (and then drop it when he corrects), and to sit up long and tall. The main two lessons over the fence were to keep my eyes up (look at the last rail of the last fence in the grid until we get there - don't gaze off unfocused into space), and to correct myself and not wait for John to tell me (or Shannon) - I kept drifting left along the grid from the start to the end, and I didn't fix anything until John told me to switch my whip and then use that left leg. After the fence, the lessons were to sit up around the corners, and to keep those damn heels down! After our warm up on the flat (some lengthening and collection with proper bend), we did a small cross rail which very quickly turned into a vertical (changing direction after it like a figure 8), and then the vertical to a much bigger rail with a vertical and the same figure 8. John said that we tend to relax after about 5-10 fences, and that at a show, that'll come up a lot sooner, so to keep riding every fence. Then we did a grid with three fences, and John turned the final vertical into an oxer, and then gradually raised it. It was an excellent confidence-building exercise because the grid worked on us, and the oxer was so gradual, that by the end, looking back at it, I was amazed at how smoothly it rode. It was another GREAT lesson.

Sit up tall

Today was my first jump lesson with Shannon at John Camlin's (Caber Farm). I was nervous, and as we pulled up, he had his stadium course set almost to the top of the standards, which I did not find soothing. I think Shannon could do those on Charlie, but that's still a long way off for me. Interesting wildlife spotting: a garter (?) snake - a big one - cruising across the arena, which John took and put back outside the arena while Shannon and I rode far away to the far, far side. We did some warm up, and my main points to remember were: keep him round and "up" (not long and low), going left - bend him to the left, and push him into the outside rein and keep that contact. I had to do some half halts and it was a bit more than I usually do, but Charlie was really responsive and pushing him just that extra tiny bit made a big difference in how "bouncy" he felt. That same approach also (surprise!) applied to the fences. If I balanced him in the corner, especially using the outside rein, but used some leg and half halt a few strides out from the fence, we'd approach it with more of a "bounce", and he could lift his front end over instead of kind of flop over it. (Not that Charlie ever flops, but the tiny adjustment I made helped make the fence feel a lot more "floaty".) In addition to the ever-present "heels down" my other big fix was to sit up tall, shoulders back. As the course continues, I hunch more and more over, like I'm rolling into a ball. It was amazingly hard to do, just to sit up tall, so I walked around the rest of the day, reminding myself to stand tall. That's a muscle memory issue I have no excuse for not fixing (other than 36 years of not fixing it) because I don't have to be on a horse to do it! It was really fun to be there with Shannon on Holly, and I really liked John's approach - gradually building as we progressed, more than I would ever push myself, but not too much (as Shannon aptly described it). Plus, if Holly is ready to compete next year, then we can go together! We did a cross rail from the trot, then canter, making a figure 8 (from right, from left, etc.). Then we added a 5 stride line, then a 4 stride line, then a 4 stride to a 3 stride, then the 4 stride to 3 stride to 5 stride back to 3 stride. Charlie was excellent. He's an absolute delight to ride. John said to keep my eye on training level and keep him working, not just slack because we're only going to do novice next year, and that the number one thing I'll need to keep in mind is to (my words) ride Charlie every step - I let him flop around because he can get away with it (at this level) and I need to start riding him like I'm going to ride Training level. It made me feel like a rock star, to ride in a lesson with Shannon - like I've finally proven my worth. Even if it's all to her credit - she did all Charlie's training and got me to the point where I could actually ride him. It was such a great way to spend Tuesday morning.

Pincher legs

Today was a big, fat slice of humble pie. It hurts my pride to even relive the lesson again, but I think it's a necessary step if I want to improve as a rider. Even though it's only a few tweaks to bad habits, to build new muscle memory, they are making me ride like an idiot who has never been on a horse or even seen someone ride a horse. I am struggling particularly with my big poofy butt that likes to sit out behind me, underneath a horrible sway back which is on the other side of a rotund buddha belly. When I try to put my poofy butt underneath me, I lift my pelvic bone (the third leg of the stool with the two seat bones) up in the air, and lean way back. When I try to suck in my stomach to straighten my back, I lift my shoulders up to my ears. Anytime I think about anything going on with my butt or back, I clench my butt and thighs, making me a pellet rolling around on top of the saddle. It's horrible. The bright light is at least I quit sticking my tongue out from the concentration anytime Shannon asks me to do something and my left toe is a tiny bit more forward. And - I have Shannon's help, and hours to look forward to on Willig where I'll have nothing else to do but concentrate on body position. So if I'm ever going to fix it, now's the best possible time. It's just horrible - not only to have to go through this gangly awkward phase, but to question all the hours I've spent on a horse so far and how I blustered my way through so many shows. And why so many horses have forgiven me. That being said, from when we started today (me sitting still, and moving my body around to try to make it right so I could feel when it was right - which I would immediately not be able to repeat and we'd have to go through it all again), to where we ended, was pretty cool. What isn't so cool is that I can't say (yet) why or how to repeat it. What happened at the end was all of a sudden, I felt like I was in the right place. I was relaxed, didn't have to fight or struggle or squirm, and could just ride. I could do transitions and sit and go around in a circle and not need to mess with anything. So it was great to feel that - like a glimpse of nirvana - to remind me of what I'm working toward. And it's great to know I can do it, I just have to figure out what got us there and how to stay there on my own. So thank god for Shannon's patience (and Charlie's), and many long hours of work appear to be ahead. But it's for a good cause - I don't want any pictures or videos of my left toe pointing out NW next year, and I want to help Charlie do the best job he can. (Speaking of, I'll probably drag him down a bit while I work on this - thank goodness for Willig to pick up some of the slack and spare Charlie a bit - so that will be depressing once I realize it's happened.) So the light bulb moment when the humble pie smacked me in the face? After the still body, I said I couldn't do the leg aid right, that it seemed like what Shannon described as the correct aid was to pinch my legs together underneath. Like that crane game where you pick up the toy? And Shannon said "like draping down and around?" and suddenly every single time I've read that in every book and article came and slammed me in the face. I am a classic leg lifter - I pull that heel up and back towards the saddle pad and kudos to all the horses who figured out that meant the same thing as "down and around". It felt completely and utterly foreign to me.

Bends and turns

Today in my jump lesson we did some work without stirrups (brutal is the only word I can apply to how it felt and looked), and then worked on some bendy turns on a small course. While none of these jumps were perfect, when Shannon first picked the first line (hard right, roll back left, angled vertical, hard right) I took the "stay quiet and show her she's a lunatic for asking us to do it" approach. But much to my surprise, it actually flowed pretty well. We did it a couple more times, adding in a combination after another roll back, and interestingly, the hardest part was that in the combination, just like in past lessons, I drift very, very far to the left between the first and second fence (a 3 stride line I've ridden now many times), and it took me three tries and one of the ground poles on the side of the fence before my left leg even tried to scoot Charlie right - even then, we still went over the edge of the pole. Charlie is a very sweet, honest jumper, no matter how brutal I look and feel. And I think I forgot to say from my last lesson - included in my basics is: LEGS FIRST. No more hand aids first! I practiced this on Willig yesterday and today, who is very responsive to me stopping my seat using my core, but even hopped up on sedi-vet, he managed to spook twice today.

The year's wrap up

Charlie got: 1st - 1st level test 3 - 60.645% - 10 riders (Dressage in the Park I) 2nd - BN Champs - 35.5 - 8 riders (Aspen Sept) 2nd - BN Rider - 33.7 - 21 riders (NWEC May Classic) 3rd - 1st level test 3 - 65.806% - 10 riders (Dressage in the Park II) 3rd - BN Open - 33.3 - 16 riders (Caber) 6th - BN Rider - 38.8 - 19 riders (Aspen June) And 2 of his 6 scores for the USDF Bronze Medal (now we have to move up to 2nd and then 3rd level) Silver Medal for USEA (BN) Blue Ribbon Award from USEA Certificate of Achievement from USEA Go Charlie!

Back to Basics

Today I asked to start the lesson with a focus on the most basic body position because one of the themes I've noticed through the lessons is that I make a lot of stuff up - things that it seems like I should have been taught when I started riding, never asked about, and have faked my way through it so far. And now that faking is starting to catch up with me - I can't get Charlie truly collected if I don't use my core as the brake. So I sat on Charlie at the halt, and we went over correct position of my heel, toe, leg aid, seat, hands, arms, and shoulders. Then we did it at the walk, and then we tried to do it at the trot. At the trot and canter, it became wildly apparent how ingrained my bad habits are, particularly for my toe (likes to point out to the side instead of forward), leg aid (I like to scrunch my heel up into Charlie's side, instead of squeezing with my leg in its correct position), and right hand, although actually I think this is the left hand (left hand likes to turn sideways (knuckles up) and inch forward, which is why Charlie always looks bent to the right - my right elbow is next to my hip, but my left elbow is way out in front). What's embarrassing about this last one is I've been looking down and seeing how I've got both hands on the same place on the rein, but not noticing how my left hand is like 3" further forward than my right. So we worked on walk/trot/canter/transitions with and without stirrups (the final five minutes without stirrups pretty much turned my legs to jelly) and my toes and lower leg (pointed forward, long and down) pretty much ignored my brain the entire lesson. There is a lot to work on there! My goal for the winter is to retrain my muscle memory on all these aids, so that I have nice lower legs, nice aids, even hands, and use my core as the half halt and brake. I'm going to work on these every ride, and on Willig rides, and also do at least 5 minutes without stirrups each ride and using the mirror to help remind me to stretch that leg long and get my toes forward. And then I'm going to practice coming from a trot to a halt without any hands at all, to teach my core how to do it. It was a good lesson, but kind of humiliating because I couldn't even make my body do some of the things - so that also prompted me to finally buy Beth Glosten's book - I suspect part of the problem is tight hips from all the sitting I do in a terrible chair at work, and so I'm going to add that into my routine also for the winter and hopefully that will help too by next spring. I don't want to handicap Charlie at all for next season!

Charlie's show jumping round

The beginning and end of Charlie's xc course

Yes, that is a spook at the end, where I made the circle - some animal rustled in the bushes (LOUDLY) just as we were going past.

Charlie's September 2012 Aspen Dressage Test

BN A

Work with Charlie that I can practice with Willig

We worked on some basics today that were pretty infuriatingly hard. First - legs draped on Charlie's sides, toes pointed forward. Simple, right? I couldn't even hold it for a single stride before things would flop out of place again. And asking for a transition? Hopeless. Second - keep those fingers closed - all the time - so it becomes new muscle memory to hold them closed instead of flopping open. Third - down transitions. First is "seat" (which is back and core going still), then legs, then hands, and hands are just like a "stop" not a pull back. Three "easy" things that are currently impossible. But I also thought there was no way I'd ever sit the trot, so it's just a matter of putting the hours in doing these correctly until they become a new habit I don't need to think about. So I immediately dedicated some time to it, for the first half of Willig's ride. Until our honeymoon with sedivet ended and he used some birds as an excuse to spin, bolt, and buck down the long side of the arena. He's really pretty much the opposite of kind, gentlemanly, handsome Charlie.

Charlie was great at Caber!

The only real error we (and by we, I mean me) made was not enough left bend on our left circle in our dressage test (we got a 5 for it). Charlie did everything else like a champ. Our 33.3 dressage test score had us tied for 7th, but with only a 4.7 point difference between 1st and 7th. Then after Charlie's awesome cross country round - while we had to slow down at both our check points, he jumped everything in stride like a rock star, even the "big" brush box - we moved up to 4th. Today was show jumping, and 1st-3rd were in a tie and ranked based on their cross country scores, and then Charlie went perfectly clear in show jumping, again, with no bad jumps, and then after 1st place had an error, we moved up to 3rd! Charlie got to do a victory lap (my first victory lap!) and head home. He was, like always, a total and absolute delight to ride. I was a little nervous, but all that hard work we've been doing in our lessons paid off - I could feel the improvement from the first show. And Charlie is just the world's greatest horse, which lets me work on those little details and turn them into good habits. I (heart) Charlie! I had so much fun!

Charlie's 33.3 dressage test

Caber's BN XC course - GPS magic

My amazing boyfriend mapped the course and then calculated the speed (and the too fast) for me after we walked the course Thursday. https://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=214725165407047817459.0004c7ff8ebf7209ccaeb#bmb=1

350 mpm

Yesterday we worked on feeling the correct pace for 350 meters per minute. I measured out 350 meters with a start and stop, and set up four fences (kind of airy 2'9"ish verticals) (side note - I've got to start work on adjusting my eye - these still looked a bit big to me) and then after warming up, we rode it twice. The first time, I rode it in 58 seconds, but with a bit of an odd fence and then a cross canter that I didn't fix; and the second time in 55 seconds, with improved consistency all around. We go a bit faster at the shows from excitement and nervousness (Charlie, me, respectively, I'm pretty sure I can speak for him and I definitely can speak for me), but I'm pleased that my internal clock had it correct at home. Of course, the downside is that next season, when we go up to Novice, I have to reset for something that's going to feel super sonic. I can't even imagine Training speed. Then we did the 3 stride combination since I've been riding it goofy the first effort, and because I concentrated, it was fine (and I know that particular combination by now). Then we rode it with an easy roll back turn to the combination, and fine again. The secret is not letting Charlie get all strung out and riding him up to the base, not launching him out like I'm prone to do. He's such a champ. I'm so lucky to have this time in the saddle with him. He's making everything fun again.

Charlie jumps like a rock star, in case I haven't mentioned that recently

We had a jump lesson this morning before the heat wave starts, and Mr. Charlie was once again an absolute delight. Shannon's focus was on getting a responsive Charlie ahead of my leg, keeping my leg in the "defensive" position (really just so I didn't nag him, I think), and then keeping my chest open. We did a few courses, with some bendy lines, a 3 stride combination (that I unbelievably, twice rode in 2 strides before fixing it the third time - which is a miracle if you look back 6 months ago where I consistently puttered around like I was running on fumes and almost out of gas), and a line to an angled vertical. The work we did on adding strides a month or so ago made a huge impact on how I see the spot, and I'm now far more comfortable riding up close to the base of the jump (at least, it feels close to me, but now it's a doable close instead of my previous tendency to launch at everything from 10' away). The other thing that feels a lot better is bending from the outside rein and leg. I've started to think of that much sooner on the bend, and if I start asking for it at a reasonable time (not when we're towards the end of the bend because I can be really, really painfully slow in sending the message from my brain to my hand and leg), it really helps us make tighter corners much more smoothly. Next week, Shannon wants to measure out the distance with the meter wheel and set up fences along the outside so that we can work on speed and try to get a better feel for BN speed with the last two shows coming up. Like always, Charlie was a blast to ride, and we felt really smooth and connected today, without some of my weird disconnection.

Willig's first day back under saddle

It feels like it's been forever, but looking back through the blog posts, the time was just dragging. Regardless, Willig was a cool, nonplussed cucumber about going back to work. We walked in hand 5 minutes, walked under saddle for 20, and then did another 5 minute walk in hand. No biggie. Then he got a hair cut - like my hair, his mane gets extremely scraggly when it gets long - neither of us have thick, flowing hair - and ate some carrots and apple and went back into his turnout, like it was no big thing. We do have some things I can devote some work on - getting my left foot pointed straight ahead instead of all wonky out to the left like a maniac, teaching my fingers to hold the baby birds and not let them fly free, open chest and nice elegant position, using my core and hands as the brakes, instead of pulling back with my hands, getting an A+ walk out of Willig in frame, working on his engagement in the walk (and nice steady connection and frame) including some collection, free walk, and lengthening with a medium walk, square halts, and backing.

Willig's search for a new home

Now that Willig is going back to work under saddle, I'm going to start looking for a home that will be a better fit for him. Here's his history in a nutshell: Willig is a 17 hand 2001 American Warmblood Registry chestnut gelding. His sire is Wizard (ARF) and his dam is Hi Fidelity (Trakehner). Willig injured his medial collateral sesamoidian ligament (old name: suspensory ligament of navicular bone). He's been under treatment by Dr. Revenaugh. He had about four months of stall rest with hand walking and three shock wave treatments, then four months of tiny turnout and stall rest, and has just started back under saddle. It's possible that in the future he might need injections in his coffin joint and/or navicular bursa. He has x-rays and an MRI on record with Dr. Revenaugh. Before his injury, Willig was showing 1st level and schooling some 2nd level movements. He's a natural lateral mover and has the potential to progress well beyond 2nd level. Because of his injury, Willig should never jump again. In 2011, he scored 50, 56, 61, 57, and 60 (twice) at recognized shows. That was my first year showing 1st level. He got 63s at training level in 2010. (Keep in mind, I'm an eventer, not a dressage rider.) I'm looking for a new home for Willig for two primary reasons. First, my primary interest is in eventing, and while Willig will likely return to full dressage work, I do not have the time for two horses, so plan to focus my energy on an eventer. Second, over the next year, while Willig will be in need of consistent rehab work, I'll be extremely busy at work, and I'm not sure I will be able to devote consistent time to him. My best guess for a good match for Willig will be an experienced rider who is assertive and calm. Willig has a busy mind and prefers regular work. I'm asking $1,500 for Willig, and anticipate doubling this about every 4 months as his rehab progresses. Because of Willig's injury, there will be strings attached. I will require any sale to be conditioned with an obligatory return to me in case he reinjures himself so that he can go back into treatment or out on pasture, if appropriate. I'd be pleased to provide further information and answer any questions. It's easiest to reach me by email if you send me your email in a comment (I won't publish it). Here is a link to a video of a 2010 training level test: http://vimeo.com/12902590

Counter canter

With the two final shows of the season rapidly approaching, I've suddenly lost all confidence that I have any idea I know what I'm doing on a horse. It would be really interesting to be a totally different person who had fun instead of putting all this pressure on myself all the time. We worked more on the Martha classics - close my fingers, keep my legs long with heels down, and make sure Charlie is responding to my leg (so I can use my core to halt or slow - with hands as a quiet, firm brace). I noticed when we were warming up that my left leg falls sloppy and loose, while the right leg is steady against the saddle. Shannon suggested thinking of some of the Centered Riding exercises to help focus attention in the right way, especially the one where your knees point towards the ground and your legs end as stumps. We did the classic work of getting Charlie moving forward, then round (leg first, then hand), then REWARD him by softening when he gives. Then we worked on trot to halt transitions (minimize walk steps in between). And then we did a wild and crazy counter canter loop (both directions) where I'd try to bend Charlie's neck to the outside, and interestingly, would come off posting on the wrong diaganol. It was a good ride, but it's frustrating that I'm still working on the same old things. Maybe the silver lining of my hours and hours of walking Willig over the next few months will be the perfect opportunity to turn those habits around on the basics, where I won't really have anything else to do!!

Willig goes back to "work" (finally) (notice those quotes)

Willig had his 3 month follow up with Dr. Revenaugh today. He got a very thorough exam, and here's the nutshell: He's got 2-4 months of walking, building up to 10 minutes of trotting. With the aid of drugs to keep me in one piece. Long version: He's sound trotting a straight line on asphalt He's the same amount off as the last 6 months trotting a circle on asphalt He acts as if he's in "pain" (my word) for the flex test. On both front feet. Dr. R used the word "drama queen" to describe some of his behavior. In our arena, with good footing, trotting on the lunge line, he doesn't appear off at all. When he got on the lunge line, he immediately decided to freak out and rear and spin and be naughty because - horrors - he'd never seen a lunge whip before. So he got a new drug - sedi-vet. 1/4 cc dose. Which gives him 50 extra IQ points. He's going to stay on his little turnout for 1 month, and then I'll see how he's doing under saddle. He's going to get 1/4 cc of sedi-vet every time I ride him, which is going to start at a walk and build up to an hour over the four months, with an equally gradual build up to the 10 minutes of trotting. And then I'll see how he's doing and get another check up. Next shoeing he'll get another pad (so he's even) and switch to a straight bar, and then take the pads away for winter since this is the Pacific Northwest and it'll be too wet. I was really anxious about the appointment, and then hadn't strategized for what would happen if he got the green light (a "B+" according to Dr. R) to go back to work. And, horrifyingly, my face fell when Dr. R said I could ride him again.

A spread, some serpentines, and an angle

I started today's jump lesson like I'd never been on a horse in my life, or even seen someone ride one on tv. It was excruciating. My body refused to do all of the things I was telling it to, but also refused to default to - ok, nowhere near perfect, but at least riding - behavior. My right seat bone was jabbing into the saddle, and I have no idea what messed up body thing is going on that causes that. Shannon had me jump a teeny cross rail several times without stirrups, first at the trot (if I had been a watcher on the ground, I would have had to shut my eyes because it was so hideous to look at) and then at the canter (a little better, but still close to making eyes bleed). Even without stirrups, my feet wanted to squish into Charlie's sides and I'd be behind, ahead, sideways - any way but just in balance with him. I was about ready to give up - throw in the helmet and just confess that I'd managed to fake my way this far in life and it'd finally caught up with me. So Shannon walked off and was messing around with the fences - although someone had changed them from last week to little intro level, I assumed she was going to have to make them even easier after my spectacle. Instead, she fixed the distance a bit on what I thought was a 3 stride, and changed its direction, turning the second fence from a vertical into an oxer with about a 3' spread. Then she had us ride two little courses - and lo and behold, all that work we've done on the distances, and riding up close to the fence, has had an effect! It went pretty smooth - with me being able to trust that we could fit in one more stride and not launching Charlie from way out. Then we did it again, but with a tight turn to an angle, and so I rode the first fence, the tight turn, and the angle at a more "collected" (pulled together) canter, then went back to the normal, bigger canter for the last couple fences. And again, we did it! So it's the same old same old - keep working on even hands, not bending Charlie to the right, not digging in with my heels, keeping the rhythm even. But the big difference from when I jumped by myself last week was to get him out in front of me - responsive and light to the aids with a bigger canter than I would pick, and then I could slow him down or lengthen him out, but I had him adjustable instead of sluggish. And - a tiny glimmer of hope of progress. I am learning some of this stuff, even if I'm slow. Then we finally had a chance to watch my DVDs from the first two shows together, and other than my doofus moments that even I can clearly see, Shannon pointed out that I have a few chippers on the cross country fences, and that she's done that too, and when she does it, it's looking down at the fence instead of up and out at the next fence. So that's another one to keep in mind - making sure I don't stare down the fences just because they're big and solid and impressive looking.

A 3/4 empty glass; or 1/4 full

Today's lesson was a big slice of humble pie. I struggled at the start with getting Charlie moving forward off my leg, and then gradually, everything else slowly fell apart. My right hand was pulling back, my left hand was twisting, my right heel was scrunching up and digging into his side, my left leg wouldn't stop twitching, and it just went on and on - it was like I couldn't think of more than one part of my body at a time, and the parts that were habits couldn't remember what to do without my brain actively focusing on them. Shannon's message was: one squeeze. If Charlie blows me off, he gets a tap with the whip. If he blows that off, he gets a belt. Then when he moves forward, he gets a pat. So the big obstacles seemed to be my right hand pulling - it never really gives, so Charlie gets tense and stiff on his right side. So I need to think about making sure that it softens when Charlie softens to it. And then my left hand (mostly, but my right hand too), keeping my fingers closed. Every single time my brain stops focusing on them for a second, blammo, they open up again. Keeping my hands steady and even. Push Charlie forward and then softly stop with my hands. And nice forward into the transitions - don't have that moment of "hanging" that I tend to do. And legs long - no heels in Charlie's side. Now, here's the slightly more sophisticated version from last year. My heels don't need to be in Charlie's side when I get him light and responsive off my leg aids. So the real trick right now seems to be me learning how to do that. I suspect that I have bumbled my way through 1st level, and that if I went and looked at the training pyramid, I would realize that I never did the ground level foundation, and that's why 2nd level is like hitting a wall going full speed. I think that what I need is to go back and learn how to get him light and responsive off my leg - get better control over all four of the basics (right & left hand & leg) - and then 2nd level will just flow. After that excruciating start, we did some shoulder-in and haunches-in, and once again, it was pretty much like I'd never even been on a horse before. Shoulder-in steps are: 1) perfectly straight; 2) moving forward with impulsion and on the bit; 3) then inside leg on; 4) then hands move TOGETHER to the inside, like making a circle; 5) then outside leg keeps him from moving his shoulders back to the rail. Legs on shoulder-in are kind of like the canter aid, but with hands moving together on his neck to the inside. Haunches-in is more natural for me. And turn on the haunches is haunches in, and then turn towards the haunches - so sort of like he's making a C and his nose is going to touch his haunches - turning towards the haunches. After we did that, Charlie got much more responsive and light - just like the last lesson, although I am so behind the 8 ball at this point that I have no idea what I was doing or why it made him responsive - I was just glad to feel it. I have to say - if I'm barely firing on 1 cylinder, I am grateful to all those horses in my life who have put up with my lousy riding up until this point. And to trainers who have had to stand there and watch me suffer through a lesson. The positive side is if I've enjoyed riding this much on not even 1 cylinder, man, I'm going to love it when I really learn how to ride. It's going to be spectacular. And it's got to be pretty much just improvement from here. It doesn't feel like I could go much lower and even sit on a horse at this point.

Shoulder-in is NOT the same thing as leg yield

If I had any pride left associated with my ability to ride, I'd have to swallow it after the humiliating lesson I had today. Ok, so first, I realized dimly that the reason that Charlie has been a bit harder to ride is because Shannon has been really busy, so I'm doing most of the riding. And so Charlie is like a living, breathing exhibit of all of my riding flaws right now. I ride crooked, I pound on his poor sides with my legs, and I scrunch up trying to get him to go. So: #1 - One forward aid. If he doesn't respond, it is the aid with the whip. No more kicking, begging, pleading. And no scrunching up my heel into his side - ride with elegant, long draped legs that have contact, but don't squeeze every stride, and definitely no heels lifting up. #2 - Watch my crooked hands. When we're going left, I should see his left eyelashes. For the right, right eyelashes. No more sloppiness on my end here! To help with this - when we're going left (counterclockwise), my right hand is the outside hand. It stays steady and I ask for the bend and flexion with my left leg and left hand, respectively. Always, I ask for collection and contact with both hands. And it is give and release, give and release. Don't forget the release. Riding on the #3 notch on the reins is about right, but my left hand opens and my right hand pulls back, so I have got to keep a careful eye on them and keep them even - in space and in the amount I pull. #3 - I let Charlie ride kind of heavy, pulling down on the forehand and bracing with his mouth. It took Shannon many, many minutes and a lot of different exercises to get him light in my hands. (The good news is, even though she had to stand there repeating herself like a broken record, eventually I did it. So I can do it - I'm not a limp rag up there completely.) This is hard for me to feel because Charlie is already so light (so pulling and bracing feel light to me), but after a few laps with him carrying himself, I was like, "oh." This took asking him to transition, spiraling in and out, and getting my hands and aids consistent. #4 - Transitions when I ask for them. Not 5 or 10 steps later. Walk to trot to walk should be CRISP! Then, I told her I was working on the 2-1 movements, but suspected I wasn't doing them right. I said the turn on the haunches felt awkward. This led to the realization that I don't know how to do shoulder-in and haunches-in. Shannon said, "Ride him in a straight line and then do haunches in" so I did, and she said "Not leg yield! Haunches in!" so I went the other way, and she said "Not leg yield! Haunches in!" and by the third try she said "Show me haunches in." So no wonder haunches in and shoulder-in have seemed so easy - I just leg yield down the long side and call it shoulder-in or haunches-in. This was great to learn (and quickly filled up my head) but excruciating. Ok, I've never been officially taught 2nd level, but why in the world would I think that the movement was just leg yield on the long side? Obviously, I can't underestimate myself. So a shoulder-in and haunches-in are his body straight, and, for haunches-in, a canter aid position leg placement. It's three tracks, but three tracks with only one part of his body moved (butt or shoulders), not his whole body at an angle like in leg yield. A shoulder-in is easier because you think about being about to ride a circle to the inside. To do a turn on the haunches, you ride straight, power-up like a piaffe, do a haunches in, then turn. So the haunches in sets him up for his hind leg to cross. Now I will re-read the dressage books and see if something "clicks". I always wondered why they said shoulder-in should be like the start of a circle and now it's clear.

New shoe for Willig

Let's hope this is his glass slipper and he turns into a sound fairy princess. Today he got a silicone pad and silicone under his orthotic shoe.

We jumped training level height(ish) again!!

Today in my jump lesson, we worked more on keeping the even rhythm, keeping Charlie in front of my leg (this means having "go" when I use a leg aid), and waiting for that spot - retraining my eye on how close we can get. Shannon inched the fence higher and higher until it was training level height, and it is just AMAZING to jump on Charlie! Even if I was sometimes floppy and ugly, he is so smooth over the fence, and training level is just a blast because you're actually finally jumping and flying. This was a great lesson, and cemented for me that I need to continue to work on retraining my eye and cementing some new habits, but that I understand the basics and just need the hours of practice to get them as habit and not something I have to think about. The big lesson, I think, that is an overlap between lessons and among lessons is getting Charlie responsive. I will kick and kick and kick and scrunch up instead of giving one aid and he better respect it. So that is my #1 goal right now - why do I have a hard time with that, and making sure I don't do it when I ride. My mom is in town and afterwards, I made her walk out and stand next to the fence and admire how big it was. I was very proud.

Poof on Charlie!

Today Mike worked with me on the foundation for the second level movements. He noted that one of the judge's notes was very correct, I tend to allow Charlie's reins to get longer and longer, allowing him to stretch out and eventually fall onto his forehand. We used that to continue our work on Charlie being quick and responsive to the aids (collect/lengthen/collect/lengthen, and to do it very promptly off my aid) and focusing a bit more on not letting the reins slither out (or my heels slither up). Mike also had me tighten my abs at the walk, sitting tall, even, quiet, and elegant, and that made an immediate difference in the "poof" in his shoulders - it lightened him instantly. Until I asked for a transition and threw my hands away. So, oddly, every time I ask for an up transition, I let go of the reins. There isn't a lot to say, but there is tons to work on. It is SO COOL to be able to ride Charlie off of my seat, and while I still have the same things to work on, I really feel like we've made some good progress. Once again, I just need some time to practice it the new way to start to make it a habit. Have I mentioned I looovveeee Charlie? He's a darling, and so patient with me.

Charlie's second 1-3 ride

Me & C thinking; C being handsome