Day 2 with Major Beale

Today we did some crazy collected canter that neither I nor Charlie had any idea he could do!  We worked hard the entire lesson, but the only thing I can remember, just a few hours later, is how bouncy that canter was.  It was basically like Charlie was a carousel horse, going up and down on his pole.  We alternated it with some medium canter, and Charlie made it clear that he prefers doing one or the other, once he figures out what you want, but not switching all willy nilly back and forth.  He got tired towards the end, and started using any excuse he could to break to trot.
And I gave him lots of excuses because what we worked on was trying to time the transition from canter to be on the "1" beat (first hind leg underneath) so that he could step right into walk.  It was really cool, because like yesterday, what is amazing when he starts to engage his hind end is how much better I can feel everything (in addition to him being easier to ride), but I can feel the 1-2-3-hang of the canter so I know when the "1" is.  The problem is I'm thinking 1-2-3-hang and so even if I give the aid at "hang", by the time my brain thinks it and translates it down to my leg, we're already at 2 or even 3 and the aid is at the wrong time.
The other mistake I make is that I still throw my hands forward right when he does the down transition, so he stumbles into a trot instead of easing into a walk.  That one is "easy" to fix (although I haven't fixed it yet, despite Shannon telling me I do it probably two years ago), because I just have to think about planting my hands when I ask for the transition and give them some of my attention so that they stay planted, until I reverse that muscle memory.
It was so amazing, though, to be able to ride that, and to have asked for it and gotten it by myself! 
We also did some half pass at the trot (half pass is a leg yield but with their head bent in the direction of travel - so if you are turning up the center line and half passing right, the bend is to the right), and ended with some shoulder in at the trot.
I think I forgot to mention that when we worked on lengthening yesterday, you have to give a little bit so he can stretch over the topline.  I used to do that, but I was throwing my hands away, so then I quit moving them at all, and a happy medium is much better.  Too much forward and he gets unbalanced and rushing, too tight and he can't lengthen.
It was really fun and useful, and I hope to make more progress before he comes back in October.

Day 1 with Major Beale

Charlie has had a bit of a cough and was a little cranky yesterday, so I wasn't sure what to expect in today's first clinic ride with Major Beale.  Well, a sick Charlie is a perfect Charlie, as it turns out.
We did four major exercises.  First, we worked started on a 20 meter circle (at the trot), then gradually brought it down to about 12 meters, and then did haunches out on the circle, brought it back out to 20 meters, and transitioned to canter.  The amazing part about this was when I could feel Charlie's hind legs start to cross underneath - it made his shoulders lighten and poof up, and it made for a delightful transition up into canter.
Then we worked on crisp transitions with just a few steps of each in between.  This is the type of "jazzing up" that Charlie needs to get attentive and responsive to the aids, and it made a huge improvement in the other gaits.  At the walk, Charlie should feel ready to spring into canter, but this is done with some leg and whip, but NOT the seat.  It was hard to not want to grind into his back with my seat, but Major Beale pointed out if I want him to lift his back, why would he do it when I'm smashing into him?
Our third exercise was, after some shoulder in, looking at my lower leg.  Major Beale took my leg and put it in the right spot so I could feel it - because at the shoulder in, I am swinging the inside leg way, way back (knee is a pivot, spur is basically at the saddle pad), and so the little hoppity skip I felt in shoulder in was not Charlie trying to do a lead change, but Charlie saying "holy crap that tickles".
We also worked on draping my lower leg, wrapping the heel around, and keeping my toe light in the stirrup (he actually put his finger between my toe and the stirrup - I was terrified I was going to smash it), which has the secondary benefit of not letting my knee swing open.  The problem here is I get tense and then make my thighs tense, and everything goes haywire.  This will be a good thing to practice until he is back in October.
Our final exercise was shoulder in at the canter, which is crazy hard.  I have no idea why shoulder in at the trot is easier, but now that I have tried shoulder in at the canter, I now appreciate only doing a shoulder in at the trot.  Here, again, my inside leg was trying to swing way back, and I also tended to overbend his neck instead of actually doing the shoulder in.  But again, when we got it correctly, I could FEEL his shoulders lift up underneath me.
It was another really great lesson.  Because Charlie and I had our A game going, we were able to start doing some new things that I've never tried before.  As we were warming up, Major Beale said the big thing missing is putting Charlie together, and those "jazzing" exercises did that, so that's something I can definitely work more on between clinics.  The shoulder-in at the canter was a bit advanced - I'm not sure I'd want to try it and perfect doing it incorrectly before he comes back next.

Three for one special (post): pilates, dressage, and jumping & special bonus - Crystal Gallo

Saturday morning I went to Redmond for my first session with Beth Glosten, the specialist in rider pilates.  It was totally worth it!  Because I was there sans Charlie, we got to focus on my posture instead of trying to ride at the same time.  (At the end of August, I will ride Charlie with her, so I wanted to see her first without him.)  She first checked out my movement on my own, and then gave me some exercises to do for my specific issues.  What was really, really useful about this was for someone to watch me, and then tell me how to do it correctly.  While I've done yoga and dabbled in pilates, I am very good at moving the wrong way, but feeling like I'm doing the position, until someone moves me a centimeter to the right.  Now I'll be able to practice doing it properly instead of fumbling in the dark, trying to figure it out on my own.
It also helped understand some of my quirks, and using a biomechanic explanation not only was useful for just another way of describing the same thing my other trainers have seen, but to see it explained for my body, kind of helped the light go off.
The same old stuff showed up, but now I have some tools to work on it at home too, so I'm really excited.

Then Saturday afternoon I had a dressage lesson with Shannon.  It was really good because finally the light bulb went off about haunches in.  Just like the pilates - another thing I have been practicing incorrectly!  I am very good at doing a leg yield, but have not been doing haunches in.  What makes it haunches in is a feeling of being a "joint" that Charlie bends around.  So if you're doing haunches in to the left, then your left leg acts as the pivot, staying on his side but only giving an aid to keep him moving forward.  Then your right leg bends his haunches AROUND the left leg, so his front legs stay on the track but his back legs twist.  When you get it right, it feels twisted - not moving sideways like a leg yield, but the best way I can describe it is that joint in his back is under your seat.  Then doing this on a 10 meter circle is so hard it makes my tongue stick out.  But when we did it, it engaged his hind leg and then he would bounce out with that underneath impulsion which feels amazing.
The other really useful (but simple) part of the lesson was to think about keeping my toes pointed in.  This helps keep my heels down and from digging into his side at every stride.

Then today we jumped, and the big challenge was getting Charlie moving forward off my legs.  He was sluggish and finally we had to go tearing around in a gallop to get him going.  He perked up as soon as the fences got a little harder, and then jumped like a rock star.  When his canter wasn't big enough, I still have a hard time deciding whether to launch it or if we can fit in one more stride, but when we do that last squished in stride, he jumps up and round and it's so much nicer than the flat launch.
Just like dressage, trying to get him going is actually shooting myself in the foot because I dig in, then dig in harder, so he ignores my aid, then ignores it harder.  So I have GOT to break that habit so I can start moving him off my leg.

 Crystal Gallo was Charlie's dam.  If anyone has one of her mares, would you send a comment to me?

Chehalis Valley Pony Club Derby at Caber Farm

Charlie is the best horse in the entire universe.

Eureka!

Yesterday in our lesson with John I had one of those light bulb moments.  We were warming up over a figure 8 exercise - a cross rail to a vertical to either the left or right.  Maybe the second time on the right line, I suddenly FELT (!!) my hands pulling the last few strides to the fence, even as my legs were kicking.  And then, because I felt it, I could stop doing it.  From that point forward (on that exercise), every line rode a perfect 5 strides, smooth as silk.
It took a long time - I don't even want to think about how long - and we've figured out work-arounds, like planting my hands in his neck, but I FELT it, and then immediately felt how much the correction improved everything.  It was like the skies opened up and angels sang.
Then John did his usual progression up to an exercise I would have thought impossible if we'd started with it, and I had to think a lot more so things weren't as genius.
But that's the genius part.  First, I love how he gradually increases each lesson and how well balanced they are.  But second, I realized as the lesson progressed, that I have so much more time to think than I used to.  Everything used to feel like it was happening so fast, and now, I can not only feel what needs to be corrected, but sometimes even still have time to correct it, in what used to be a mad rush between fences.  We're not going any faster, I think I've just gotten a tiny bit better about feeling, but a whole lot better educated and of course, way more comfortable and trusting of Charlie than I ever was on anyone else.
Have I mentioned lately what an amazing heart Charlie has?  He's so dreamy.
Of course, there's still tons to learn, which I dramatically proved, in case anyone had any doubts, by riding an entire loop on the wrong lead (John counted - 17 strides), but the difference between this year and last year was I knew I was on the wrong lead, but made a decision not to correct it.  It was the wrong decision, but it was a good mistake to make in front of John because he explained why.  First, we're there to school, not to ride a show, so fix mistakes so that me and Charlie learn from them.  And second, 17 strides is eternity, not a flash in the pan.  There are sometimes you wouldn't fix a lead - like in between fences on a line, or around a really hard corner without much space - but a 17 stride corner was not that.
Then I proceeded to screw up the last exercise, which was another golden learning opportunity.  Charlie lands on the right lead like 90% of the time, even if I'm looking left and thinking left over the fence.  Part of this - ok, maybe most of that - is me.  I am still squeezing with the right hand and right leg, even in the air.  But he's a little bit inclined that way anyway.  Which - see last lesson - makes it all the more critical to work on when we school.  So we did this fan, left U turn, oxer - and I could NOT get him to land on the left lead, or to change leads.  Again, it felt too tight so I wasn't committing, but I was also trying to cram it into one stride (because it felt tight).  The take away was that - it's important to make him do it even if it's ugly, there's a lot more space in there than I think, and a  lot more time, AND that even just the act of trying rocks him back on his haunches and gets him set up for a much nicer fence.
The other thing I heard John saying to Shannon was the importance not just of sitting up and balancing and half halting around the corner, but to keep your leg on, otherwise, what's the point of doing all that (that latter half is mine) if you're just going to kick the horse forward and get it all strung out again.  And I realized that's what I've been doing.  I focus so much on the "collection" (not used the way a dressage rider would) that I lose the impulsion.
So one of my at home exercises is to work on making those canter transitions snappy and efficient.
The other benefit to sharing a lesson with Shannon is not only do I get to watch her working with a green horse which is really educational, but she can also tell me what she sees afterwards.  She said I'm still really digging in my heels all the way around, so we really need to keep working on that, that I rarely pat Charlie or tell him good job even when he's putting his heart into figuring it out, and she also emphasized the importance of making him do it properly because it's schooling.
I was on top of the world because of feeling my hands pulling, so now I'm hopeful that one day - maybe even for poor Charlie - I'll be able to feel my heels digging in and get them out.
What a great day.

One correct feeling; Back exercises

After a couple weeks off, we had a lesson with John today.  After some warm up, John's first instruction to me was not to let Charlie just puke over the warm up fences.  Our second task was to switch right to a hefty* line and oxer.  After a few rounds of that, Shannon rode some other lines, and then we did a new set of lines that were even heftier.*  Those four fences were amazing.   Afterwards, John said that's how to ride every fence, no matter how big it is.  He said when they're bigger and I'm a little nervous, I naturally sit up and collect Charlie, like I should for every fence.  Instead, when they're small, I let Charlie take the lead, and then he puts forth minimal effort and they're uncomfortable pukers.  I agree that Charlie is easier to ride when he's bigger and the fences are bigger, but I'm still really wrestling with how to get him big without letting him get flat. Shannon said she noticed that I ride with my heels just dug into his side, so she thinks that I can't use my hips and upper legs very well and that I need to get him in front of my leg and responsive first.  So we'll see - it's a lot of interlocking pieces that I feel like I am close, after a lot of years of sweat, to figuring out.
The other thing I asked John about was exercises for my lower back.  He recommended laying on a pillow, just to stretch it out, and then to use my pecs to pull my shoulders back (not lean backwards and roll my shoulders back), and then third to think about pushing OUT right under my rib cage, which also pushes my back out.  He said it's actually the back under the shoulder blades that needs to be improved, not the low back where it looks the worst.
So I've got the good feeling imprinted in my head now, the next task is just cementing how to get it and then consistently get it.  Baby steps.  But man, Charlie feels like a dreamboat when I get it together.

Bank, Ship, and Water at Aspen

You can't tell, but we are actually going fast.

Day 2 with Major Beale

I had an incredible workout today with Major Beale; so much of a workout that even my socks got sweaty.  Thank goodness that I've been increasing my workouts, although I still have a long way to go.
The high point of the lesson was the collected canter. 
The low point was my brain's incredible thickness in understanding an exercise that was a circle haunches in to a circle haunches out (basically turn on the forehand, turn on the haunches, although I might not even have that right).
We started with a lot more transitions and obtaining the feeling of Charlie being ready to go up a gait at any moment.  Even though I thought I'd been increasing my work at home from just plodding around in a lot of circles, I am not doing nearly as many transitions (or difficult transitions) as we did during the clinic.  I think that part of this is I'm so afraid that I'll do it wrong and make it worse, that I stick with what I'm comfortable with.
Charlie was once again an absolute champ, trying hard to figure out what I was asking him to do so I could do it.  I was a frustrating communicator today.
Then we worked on the correct bend - I am still riding Charlie bent to the right, so going to the right he is overbent (and bulging out through his left shoulder) and going to the left, he isn't bent at all.  So to work on this, we did some counterbend going to the right (bent left), and then going to the left, tried to just get him bending around my leg.  We also worked again on the right lead canter first standing up, shifting over, and then trying to feel that saddle under my right hip.  These were hard exercises because my body's feeling needs to readjust - I feel like we are bent all wild and my shoulders are going the wrong way, respectively, with those exercises, when in fact, he still isn't anywhere near correct.
Then we started working on what led to the high and low points.  I haven't seen anyone ride those particular exercises before, so it was also a good lesson on how I learn, in that it's a lot easier for me to mimic something I've seen, than just listen to it.  And it was new, and it was HARD - riding on a circle and then doing haunches in or out on the circle but staying on the circle is hard enough!!  My brain got totally clogged up trying to think of everything, although perhaps that is also part of the lesson - I don't think I should need to think of everything - instead of sticking my tongue out from concentration, I should just feel what the correct movement is.
Regardless, struggling through that led to some simply brilliant collected canter.  Charlie could leap up into it straight from the walk, and I could slow him down until it felt like he was almost cantering in place.  It was so amazing.  And I got the "poof" - the collection - all by myself!  So it IS possible!  Another year of working this hard and maybe we will be able to do second level.
I had no idea Charlie could move like that, or that I could get a horse to move like that (of course, Charlie has already been trained to do all of this, and it is also amazing he has known all along how to do it, and I have just never asked him to do it), so that was really cool.  Of course, it came at the expense of a soaking wet body, which was disgusting, but that is just more motivation to keep cracking the whip at the gym.
I also got my copy of Jeremy's book, which I can't wait to read and study up on before he is back in August.
My goal is to have my back flatter and to be enough more to the right in my seat so that he can focus on more work like that collected canter.

Clinic Day 1 with Major Beale

There was a major breakthrough for me, and then a lot of really cool stuff that I think is still a bit out of my grasp.
Major breakthrough:  One reason I prefer jumping to dressage is how much more comfortable I am in my jumping saddle.  Well, lo and behold, that's because I trot behind the motion in my dressage saddle.  Which is likely why, despite my clumsy sitting trot, I feel like I have better control over the delicate movements when I'm sitting.  In my efforts to have a dressage posture, instead of posting over the movement, I have been launching my shoulders backwards at the top of each post, and therefore, falling behind the motion on every single step.
One teeny tiny correction (thinking of posting up and over my hands) not only made me feel like I was moving with Charlie, but also let my toes turn in and kept my legs from jamming so far forward.  It was huge.  Because I wasn't lurching around, Charlie could move better, and I could do more because I wasn't always behind.  It was really amazing.
Moving into the harder to capture, we worked on my position and posture.  There were three things going on here.  At least, to be kind to myself I'll clump them in three categories.
First, I have this big hollow in my back.  Major Beale was too nice to call it swayback, but that's what I'd call it.  It makes me look like I'm riding titlted forward onto my pelvis with my belly pushed out, which maybe I am, but when he took a whip and set it behind me in the saddle, and there was a huge fist sized gap between my lower back and the whip - I could NOT make the hollow part go flat.  Afterwards, Shannon showed me how she can.  And I can't in yoga or pilates either, so I don't know if it is a function of poor posture, or if it's the way I'm built and I'll never be able to get it back.  But I need to try to think of lifting my rib cage, sucking my belly button into my spinal cord, and then relaxing my hips and legs.
Doing that leads to the second, which is my toes.  In a dressage stirrup, you should think of lifting your toes, not pushing your heels down, because someone should be able to put their finger between your toes and the stirrups and you wouldn't smash it.  Toes should be the part on the stirrup, and your pinky toe should be near the outside of the stirrup bar (big toe to the inside when you jump).  Thinking heels down pushes your lower leg forward (into a defensive jumping position actually) but is hard to use for delicate dressage.  And when you point your toes all crazy in like you're pigeon toed (if you're me) and look down, they're just barely straight.  So when they feel all crazy and pointed in, with loose hips and soft but light touch legs, and the pelvis tucked under and the ribs lifted, for a moment - sitting there still - I could feel that wrap around softness and how if I could stay like that, I could ask Charlie for anything.
Third - my hips.  I'm crooked.  I post crooked - like a snake wiggling back and forth above the saddle (video coming eventually).  I put more weight in my left stirrup.  I sit off to the left, which makes going to the left fine, but is part of why (maybe all of why) we're having such a hard time when we try to go to the right.
Major Beale thinks if I fix my posture and toes, most of that will correct itself, but I need to stand up, shift to the right, and sit down again before cantering to the right.  Until that horribly, horribly awkward canter feels as good as the left side.  This exercise really helped me feel the difference in the weight between my feet also.
Charlie was an absolute dreamboat for the work, which was a lot of transitions and a lot of changes to keep him sharp.  He made it easy for us to focus on me.
Oh, and focus on him.  Instead of sitting there thinking about where my body is supposed to be, look at Charlie (use soft eyes) and see how he's reacting to me and then fix myself using his reaction.
Also, Major Beale said I can get away with this for now, but it's going to catch up with me, and I agree, although I think it already has with all the right turn stuff.
It was really eye opening, maybe a little too eye opening for me to fully absorb it all - especially the parts I can't feel I'm doing - but some of it I could feel a huge difference right away. 
The only downside is how did I get this old and not know how crooked I was?!?
I'm going to see my rolfer to talk about that gap in my back to see if there's anything we can do.

Aspen recap

Aspen was our second show this season, and like always, it was incredibly professionally done.  Everything ran on time, the fences were gorgeous, the courses were fun but challenging, and it was top notch all the way around.
Charlie had his A game on for dressage, and thanks to the very specific tips and exercises from John and Shannon after my NWEC dressage test, I had concrete things to focus on and practice and it really made a difference.  I felt like I fixed almost all of them - except the halt.
For show jumping, I dropped the ball.  I focused so much on going fast, that I didn't think about keeping Charlie put together until we started puking over and touching all the fences.  By then, he had taken over, and I didn't have enough space/time in between the fences to really put him back together.  He saved my bacon and we got lucky, but this is definitely where we need to work - how to ride a big canter without it being strung out.
Then, our last day was cross country, which is of course my favorite.  And Charlie was, of course, an absolute rock star.  We just cruised it!  Shannon had given me exactly what I needed to think about, but only for a handful of places so I could remember it all.
What I found really helped was that for both dressage and cross country, I visualized my ride over and over again ahead of time.  It seemed to kind of store some of the actions so that I could focus on more things during the ride.  I'm going to try to work on that more for show jumping too, and see if that helps.
The other thing I want to do is shout out to John Camlin and Shannon Morris's patience.  Without them patiently watching me struggle to catch on in little tiny baby steps, I wouldn't be nearly as far as I am today.  And I can really feel the progress from last year.  I appreciate their confidence and patience with me because I'm definitely not a natural rider, but I really want to learn how to ride well, even if it takes me the rest of my damn life.

A thankfully very fuzzy view of our show jumping round

I accomplished the fast part of my three goals, but not the "put together" part so we shot around like a loose rubber band and touched every fence.  I pretty much looked like I'd never ridden before.
http://youtu.be/GpXeX9kKb9k

Conditioning exercises

I talked with John about conditioning exercises at our lesson this week, and he recommended 3 5-minute trot sets (with a 2 minute break in between each) and 4 3-minute canters.  We started today with 2 5-minute trots and 2 3-minute canters.  For each, I started in a two-point for the first minute, then posted the trot, then went back to a two-point.  Charlie and I were both pooped by the final minute of the last canter.
John also recommended building up to an 8 minute wall sit, and emphasized that it's especially important once your quads start burning to stay in the sit because that's when your hip flexors start to work.  I didn't have my watch on, but I'm pretty sure I didn't even make it a minute for the first one.
Our lesson was another great one.  We did the same two lines as last week, a 4 stride and then an angled 4 stride, and of course, Charlie was an angel.  Then we worked on coming around a corner to an oxer, jumping it to the left of mid-way to make a right turn around another fence to a hard right to a wall.  It took me many tries to get this right, but it was a great exercise because the Aspen show jumping courses tend to have a lot of turns around fences.
John said at the show to focus on getting Charlie's canter big enough in the warm up, and the jumping would follow, and that now that I know I can bring Charlie back, I can be more confident about riding him forward.  It's amazing when we get a jump right how incredible it is, but I'd wager we're hitting them perfect at maybe only 25% right now.
Charlie is such a trooper.
Also, there are actually 5 things to think about when jumping, not 3, but they are beyond my skill set right now to even list them all.
The big things to think about are riding in a big enough canter, sitting up and rebalancing around the corner, then getting out of Charlie's way the last three strides - I don't do anything but make things worse if I start messing around the final stride.  John said to think about how Charlie feels going cross country (which he loves) and then try to get that feeling for show jumping.
I love the lessons with John.  They're amazing.

"If you have to think about it, you're too late."

- David O'Connor

Two lessons this week, both excellent.
Some jumping at John's.  This week's issue was flopping forward after the fence.  I have been working much, much harder after the last lesson, and John said it showed - I seemed "crisper".  He also said that now I'm starting to be able to choose what Charlie does, instead of just ride him around the arena.  It's like I have more time to think and more tools in my tool belt to choose from.  While I had a couple flops, I also had a few fences that were just exactly right on, which felt great.  We also jumped the narrow skinny triangle, which was new and fun (for me).

Then today I had a dressage lesson with Shannon.  Again, she said the effort from last week was showing.  I was able to get Charlie rounder, had some nice consistent right circles, and did some really nice leg yields at the end.  Although Charlie started out like a total slug and heavy as a rock in my hands, he ended up moving really great.  The big difference was riding him with a lot of transitions and activity so he had to pay attention.  Transitions in the circle, to a spiral in, changing direction, to another transition ... The other big one was not to do one puny whip and then say "oh, I guess that didn't work" and give up, but to follow it up if he doesn't respond.  If I do a whip smack and he ignores it, I do a second, harder whip smack, and that usually motivates him to get going.  We also did some work without stirrups, which was torture, so I definitely need to incorporate that back into my daily routine.

Rainbows, not onions

Because of the busy adaptation schedule, I haven't had a dressage lesson from Shannon in a while.  After my lesson this week, I've decided that learning to ride is more like a rainbow than peeling an onion.  While the peeling an onion analogy works very well - there's always another layer under the layer you're at - also, I cry - I like my new rainbow analogy better.
It's like this:  pre-horses, I was dimly aware of a world that I wanted to be in that I knew existed but I had no idea of its scope.  Those first few rides were like the big bang - from nothing to everything all at once.  But since then, it has been a gradual process of going from close to dark, to dimly lit, to black and white, to shades of gray, to primary colors, to the basic rainbow, to the whole palette of nuanced colors that exists.  Why I like this analogy is that my progress is like this:  I'm in solid black and white world, and I'm happy there.  And then I have a lesson, and I see this amazing flash of brilliant blue, and I know there is more.  And then one day the blue stays a little longer in the sky, then a little longer, then I realize the sky is always blue, and there's a flash of green for the grass. 
Because what I've found is that wherever I'm at, I think that's the end.  And then I get these tantalizing hints - if I pay careful attention - that there's a whole other layer of complexity in the world that I wasn't aware of.  And each time I take one of those steps, I know I don't ever want to go back to the comfortable world of black and white because the world is so much richer the more color it gets.
My lesson with Shannon was like that.  I had a huge giant flash of magenta - I finally FELT the inside leg to outside hand.  It was only for a second - Shannon says three strides but I only really felt it on the final one - but there it was.  It was just that one moment, but now I know it is there and I'm not color-blind (like I was beginning to suspect I was).
We worked on a lot of new nuanced (to me) stuff.
My left hand likes to turn sideways (knuckles on top) and break at the wrist.
I keep my feet in the dressage stirrups in my jumping position (little toe on outside bar) - I need to work on my foot a bit deeper in the stirrup and even between the bars.
"Bend more" does not mean chin to chest.  It means in the corners, look at the inside eyelashes.  Every corner.  But then go straight on the straight lines in between.
Poll should be highest point.  This is so easy and yet I completely and utterly forgot about it.
Try riding with my stirrups a hole or two shorter since I am still struggling in the dressage saddle to get my heels down.
But also - this was a flash of azure - when I slump over and let my left arm drift forward is when Charlie goes on the forehand.  When I am jumping and have my hands planted in his neck, or I am riding with my hands in his neck because Shannon has told me to - or when I am sitting in a proper frame with my elbows bent and not stretching my arms long - this goes away, and suddenly we feel connected.  I haven't gotten a good enough grasp of this to fully explain it, but all of a sudden I saw and felt what I was doing wrong this whole time, fixed it, and felt the fix work.
Spiral in and out is a good exercise I have let slip because I have been doing Major Beale's.  Think about leg yielding.
In corners, push Charlie around like a wheelbarrow (this is tied to the flash of azure) - don't pull him around by the inside hand. 
There was probably a lot more than that, but my tiny brain got full.  I think I could add to the analogy that as you develop, you go from a tiny little palette to a bigger and bigger one.  Right now, it doesn't take much new paint for mine to get full and things to start leaking out my ears again.

Excellent pointers that were hard to hear

As I think I already posted, the big change from this year to last year was my ability to think while I was competing.  Not only could I recognize errors as they happened (but unfortunately, not really before they happened) but I could think about what to do about them - ones I have dealt with before, I could match to whatever John or Shannon told me, but new stuff I'm not as good at figuring out what to do (like the soft footing in the dressage test).
So the good news is that not only was I identifying the right stuff, but it was consistent with me, Shannon, John, the dressage test, and the videos.
The bad news is I had to recognize it myself, hear it from Shannon, John, read it on my score sheet, and watch it on the videos.
So at today's lesson, John went through the list of ways I can improve in the future, which is terribly, terribly useful, but since I'm already feeling like I bluffed my way and didn't deserve a ribbon at all, like a total wimpy baby I started to cry.
He had some excellent suggestions which will be "easy" (I just have to battle with my constant nemesis, time) to do at home:
1.  Make a dressage arena.  Mark it.  Practice my damn lines.  Look at the judge each time I am coming up the center line so the judge is looking at me.
2.  In my dressage arena, use a cone to mark the corners.  Ride a corner different (deeper) than a 20 meter circle.  Quit cheating myself of all that space and opportunity to ride the movement correctly as soon as I hit the letter, instead of still being angling over towards it.
3.  Heels down is not coming from my heels, but from my core.  Work on not riding in a defensive crouched up fetus posture and once I overpower my quads with my core, my heels will be able to go down.  But the hideousness of my pictures is because I don't have my weight sunk in my heels, so I don't have a stable base, so my hips come forward instead of that folding in half motion that good riders do.
4.  Quit trying to do new things at the show.  Know that I practiced and trust in it.  There are three things to do jumping:  look at the center line, ride Charlie forward, and use half halts to balance him.  Once I've got him forward, it is way easier to do a half halt and then just cruise to the fence.  We did some work on this during the lesson, and when it is right, it is soooo easy and fun.
5.  Ride the short end.  From M to C, counterbend to the outside.  At C straighten for a few strides, then counterbend again to F.  Do this a few times, then counterbend to M and then just ride to C.  This will work on the deepness in the corners.
6.  Also, practice riding all my transitions 2 meters early.  That way, in a show, I'll have tons of time and can do a half halt instead of always being late in my transitions.  Think AHEAD and be proactive instead of reactive.
John had some incredibly good insights into how I tick - kind of eerily.  Like that at shows I start to choke and overthink it, and when I'm nervous, my brain tries to take over instead of my body.  And that while almost all horse people are Type A, beating myself up for every failure is his job (and Shannon's) and it just makes me feel defeated before I even start instead of helping me improve.  I can trust that he and Shannon will pick out the things I need to work on and tell me - I don't need to keep trying to do this to myself.  This was huge.  It has never occurred to me that picking on myself doesn't make me any better, but just makes me feel bad.  I just thought, "I'll never get better if I don't pick apart everything I do" (in every single aspect of my life).
He also said the big step is recognizing when something isn't working, but that I need to try to figure it out and how to correct it on my own - that too much reliance on a trainer actually will make me know less.
Then we did some nice exercises outside, and after a warm up, he had me ride a little less than 5 minutes where he called out the fence and I rode it.  I had a few really good ones, but I got frazzled as the time went on, and he used that to show how if I psych myself out, by the time I get in the ring I'm frazzled instead of pumped up.  It's the same - the first few jumps Charlie might be kind of checking it out, and then when he realizes it's just little stuff, he goes on cruise control.
The other big part was that John recognizes that Charlie's tendency is either 0 (pukey, forehand) or full on (heavy in the hands), and that it's hard to get him in the middle - forward but light.  But when he is - holy cow the fences just float under us.
Also, John was talking about why he had some of the fences set up the way he does - like practicing a bendy line before Aspen, or an oxer after a hard corner.  It is kind of amazing all the things I have never been aware of and don't know about.  That was the point where I want to just ride every day with someone who knows what they're doing and make up for all this time I've wasted puttering around.
It's good to feel those good fences, to know that when I get it all lined up, they are wonderful, and it's just going to take a lot of practice before I can consistently get all the elements lined up.  It's also good to be working on something that is definitely more nuanced than last year - it's just that I had no idea how big the damn onion is when another layer comes off.
Oh, and I almost fell off.  I jumped a vertical at an angle, and wasn't looking where I was going early enough, so I planned to go right around a fence but never told Charlie, who planned to go left.  So he shot left while I was looking right, and I went up on his neck  on the right side but scrambled back into place and kept riding.  John said that means my heels aren't totally wacko because otherwise I would have shot right off, but I was being such a piss that I was like "well, if I was any good, I wouldn't have put us in that situation to begin with."
So - a lot of progress and a lot to work on.  It was easier a few years ago when I was so ignorant I thought I was already good.

Charlie Jumping - 2 XC & SJ

Charlie's Dressage Test

Charlie the Champ!

At NWEC this weekend, Charlie was, like usual, a champ.  I was fair to middling, but he dealt with all the details and helped us stay in 1st all three days.
The big take aways are the same things I've been working on in my lessons - bigger canter for show jumping, better use of my back for half halts instead of my hands, and get my heels out of his side.  That lesson was clear to me in all three phases, but the good news is I could feel a lot of improvement from last year.
And I was so proud of Charlie.  It was hot all three days, but particularly on Friday and Saturday and he just worked his heart out.  He loves cross country, and I love him.

How many times does it take for me to learn?

Today I watched Shannon ride Charlie, while she told me what she was doing.  This made a lot of things "click" for me - things she has told me when I'm riding that I think I understand, but then, once I really DO understand, I realize I didn't understand before.  (The bright side of this is at least I am now aware of the next level of things I don't really understand.  Last year at this time, I was blissfully ignorant of the whole world I'm riding in now, and I thought I was hot stuff until I (slowly) began to realize I didn't know jack.)

So the big, big take away is the very closely related issues of too much hand and not enough leg.  This sounds so simple:  don't brake with your hands (close your leg, use your hands as a "soft stop", and then use your back/core to halt or half-halt or do a down transition).  But even though I know this, I am still relying far too much on my hands, which means that it is hard for Charlie to collect because he doesn't know if my hand aid means "come on the bit, please" or "brake!".  It's also harder for me to ride him, because I don't have his "engine" going well enough from behind to drive him into the soft hand, which, when done properly, results in those floaty down transitions and the big, lifted movement.

Second big take away?  I don't work him hard enough.  The theme of this post is that I know all these things, I've written about all these things, and yet I'm STILL writing about all of these things.  Each time it's like a miracle that I figure it out, and a few weeks later, I've forgotten again.  So - it is REALLY useful for me to watch Shannon ride Charlie, especially when she explains what she is doing and why (e.g. Charlie is stiff in the jaw, so she is bending him to the right, left, overflexing, and then releasing) but then I think "no, it's a better use of time to have lessons" and I stop watching, and then I watch again and I'm all "this is genius, I should do this every week, it would help me advance so much!".

Shannon puts Charlie to work right away - even when she walks, she has him walk round and over his topline, not dragging around like a camp pony.  She has told me this, and I thought I was doing it, but I definitely have not been now that I see how she does it.

Third was the light going on about his left hind leg.  Seeing her ask him to move it, and how he barely moves it across but mostly forward (especially contrasted with his right hind), and how hard she had to ask before he started doing it, just made all kinds of sense looking at it from the ground.  No wonder leg yield to the right, shoulder-in to the right, and haunches-in to the left are hard!  He's barely moving that leg!

So I need to:  a)  work harder right away, b) STOP using my hands as brakes and use my legs instead, but c) don't squeeze - give the aid, and give a smack if he doesn't respond, d) then work on flexion and softness, and e) then that pesky left hind.  It's so close, and yet so far away ....
It makes me crazy how slow I am to put this stuff into place.  I think I get it, but then another layer peels off and I realize I was only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

400 mpm & Charlie's take on jumping

With the first show of the season rapidly approaching, I've suddenly realized all of the things I didn't work on, that I am now basically out of time to work on.  Like my fitness, which was vividly illustrated today when I rode 400 meters (trying to time it for 1 minute, which, bizzarely, I accomplished) and by 1/4 of the way around, I thought "There's no way I can make this" followed by "But the show is at least 5x longer!".
Charlie definitely prefers to jump more challenging things - either bigger, more complex, or more intimidating.  His ears perk up, he gets engaged without a lot of effort from me, and he just floats over it when he puts his hind legs into it.
Some follow up from Major Beale:  legs push down from the hip, not heels jammed down.  This is, I think, almost the same as thinking "lift your toes".  But after I rode with him, my gimpy right hip was sore, and today George the rolfer suggested a stretch for each time after I ride to loosen it up.  Left knee is bent (knee over ankle), right leg is slightly behind you on your knee, then you move forward to lengthen the hip flexor.  It is crazy how tight it is on the right and how it's nothing to lean forward on my left. 
Shannon also pointed out that I need to start riding "like a trainer", which is like what John and Major Beale said - stop poking around and being sloppy and doing the same old pattern each time I ride, but RIDE him each time.  Don't plod along at the walk but make him do an energetic forward walk.  Don't accept a pokey, strung out trot - make him responsive to my aids.  And don't use the rail as my crutch for steering anymore.
I tried to do it yesterday on my own, but it wasn't nearly as successful as in the lesson with Major Beale.  Then I did a jump lesson today, and while Charlie started out sluggish, we did a three jump gymnastic and by the time Shannon made it big, Charlie was excited about it.  She says it's better to have the big canter, in front of the leg, than the dressage frame to the fence, and that I'm still using my legs way too much the last few strides - by then I should wait and let him do his job.
We did a couple little courses, and the good news was my steering was pretty good.  We also did a vertical and then an oxer at an angle (which is also about steering and staying on your line) but for some reason doing it at an angle totally throws me off.
And I think Major Beale was right about the vertigo not being to blame.  I think it was that I bought Charlie and Shannon is riding him less, so the timing just coincided with the vertigo.  Plus, I happened to read "The Simplicity of Dressage" by Johann Hinnemann and Coby van Baalen a few days after Major Beale, and it said, "[F]or amateurs like you who usually only ride one horse, acquiring good contact and a straight horse are the most difficult things to do.  This is because you become crooked with your horse and are so accustomed to it that it is very difficult to break the pattern.  I still have clear memories of times when I thought I couldn't get through a turn on a certain horse, that I'd run into the wall or some such thing. ... What can you do to break that pattern?  You can start by trading horses with another rider at your barn.  Get on another horse and feel if he's straight and on both reins.  Let your ... instructor ride your horse a few times.  The main thing is that you get a new feel."

Charlie can move!

Today's lesson with Major Beale was divine.  He didn't hold back, and Charlie (thanks to his wonderful training), totally rose to the challenge.
We started with yesterday's work - proper bend, using his shoulders to steer, and getting his transitions quick and responsive.
Then we jumped right into some leg yields along the wall, a half turn on the haunches, and immediately a leg yield the opposite direction.  While at first we kind of dragged along, by the end, Charlie was pretty much skipping down the side. 
Then he added a transition to canter or trot (depending on whether we were trotting or walking) and some lengthening and collecting on the canter circle.  Doing the leg yield first I think got Charlie's hind legs activated, so he could lift up into the next gait and push up into it.
We also did some counterbending, which helped make Charlie feel more "square" underneath me.
All the work getting him square and his engine going also had the side benefit of me not feeling like I needed to work on my heels.  While we were doing a lot so I couldn't concentrate on my lower leg (so I know I was doing some aids with my heel raised instead of squeezing), when we were riding in between a movement, I noticed my lower leg stayed solid without as much effort from me.
I don't bend him around my left leg enough - when I feel like he is overbent, he is barely even bent to the left, so I need to keep working on that and readjust my feel for what is right.  I have gotten so used to the feeling of wrong (like not sitting up in the saddle for dressage) that it is just going to take some time to readjust my sensors.
Major Beale said that I should ride him like this all the time - instead of plodding along at the walk, he should spring out the stall door ready for action.  It really was quite marvelous to feel and ride, and I was surprised that he could get it out of us with me on Charlie.  Charlie felt more like Shannon had just ridden him.
We also did walking around the corner, turning down the centerline, and then fast zig zag leg yields - left-right-left-right-left-right - and then a turn and transition into trot right away at the end.  I was very slow in my reaction time on these, but they really got Charlie listening.
We also did some lengthening and collecting up at the trot as well, but I am better at collecting the canter than I am the trot.
Charlie gave a few good grunts from the effort, which was pretty funny.
We also did some shoulder in and a little bit of shoulder out.
I tend to bend Charlie to the right when we're on the diagonal - he should be straight because we're going in a straight line.
This was an amazing ride - it has helped me feel that I can get there on my own and how good it feels to be there, so why it's worth the effort.  I am amazed that he got so much out of us today!  I wish I had it on video so I could watch it just before each show to try to get there again.

Day 1 with Major Beale

Today's lesson was, somewhat sadly, very similar to my clinic lesson in October with Major Beale - sad because we worked on mostly the same issues.
It was wonderful because, truly like peeling an onion, we worked on them in a far more refined and nuanced way than before.
We started with making Charlie responsive to the aids, by trotting, then walking one step (at E or B) and then trotting again.  This helped Charlie to "poof" up and feel like he was ready to trot when we were at the walk.
Then we worked on leg yield to the right (off my left leg) to work on getting his left hind leg activated.  Major Beale's opinion was that Charlie has always been a little lazy with the left hind, but that I fall into his trap, making us kind of a snowball rolling down a hill (that is not at all how he described it, by the way - purely my translation).
In doing that, Major Beale noticed that I don't turn Charlie from the shoulders - I almost always bend his neck, and then turn him from the haunches.  Which is how he got the light bulb to go off for me about riding from the outside hand.
Like a lot of other things, I had read about riding from your outside hand (especially inside leg to outside hand) in books, and thought I was doing it, but I wasn't remotely doing it at all.  And suddenly, all the times Shannon or John has told me to ride from my outside hand make sense.  They want me to do it because it turns the horse over his forehand - not because I am "blocking" the flow of water out that shoulder (which it also does).
So number one is working on transitions to make Charlie sharp and responsive to the aids - making him feel ready to spring up into the next gait.
Second is not "wasting" that energy by letting it spill out (mostly) through his left shoulder.  That hand doesn't just act like a block, but also steers.  We made circles, then rectangles, where instead of a bend in the circle, I did a mini turn on the forehand type thing.
Major Beale approached this from several angles - he had me work on the circle, stretch my body, stretch my heel, look over my left shoulder, adjust my shoulders while I rode, leg yields, change of direction, and probably other exercises I'm already forgetting because my brain got completely full and excited with the "ah-ha!" moment where outside hand became clear.
So now it is on to practicing that, and next up - impulsion - (well, at some point in the future, maybe not next) - and hopefully by his next clinic, I'll have made it slightly further along in my stuttering baby steps.
It was AMAZING.  I wish I'd been riding with him my whole life.

Lacking Impulsion lesson, Aspen derby

This Thursday we rode with John, and while I felt a lot of improvement, I am still totally flummoxed by how to generate impulsion. I now know that it is NOT by half halting around the corners on the way to the fence - unless you have a big canter. A half halt without enough canter just tips Charlie down onto his forehand, making him strung out, and resulting in pukey fences. I also know that it not just by riding faster (same thing happens as above). It matches the feeling of a canter piroutte, or a 10 meter canter circle, but how you generate it, I don't know. I know you have to use your hands as the "stop" but your seat and legs as the engine, and rely more on your back, but I'm missing what the "go" is. Charlie saved me, however, at Aspen, by being in a mood, which meant I didn't have to worry about the go at all. While our Novice show jumping and derby courses were not perfect - it was my first time ever going novice and it felt pretty smooth and like I knew what to fix and when (for the most part). Charlie loves his job and I love Charlie for loving his job. He is a total delight to ride.
Charlie's show jumping round 

Two great rides - a jump lesson with John and schooling at NWEC

On Tuesday, Shannon and I had a jump lesson with John. He had a little course built - a somewhat serpentine (left bend, right bend) line of three fences, with a right hand turn to a panel with an easy left bend to an oxer. The eerie thing about the lesson was that John pretty much told me exactly what Shannon told me on Sunday - to ride in a bigger canter, but in a dressage frame, because the slow, strung-out canter leads to pukey fences! Charlie gets used to the fences after about twice through, and he wants to take over and just do the job, so I have to be faster and more clear in sitting up between the fences to half halt and rebalance him - without so much hand that I slow him down. On the bending three fence line, the next fence came up so fast it was hard to do. The other big tip that really sunk in during the lesson was to look up and at the next fence, and get out of Charlie's way and let him do his job. I had an opportunity to put that one into practice at NWEC. It was nice because while they didn't have all the fences out, there was a small assortment, and it had been mowed (and we lucked out on the weather!) so we walked the whole thing to check it out, did a warm up, and then rode the little circle of fences near the parking. I was having trouble figuring out how to ride Charlie in a big canter forward when he was excited about being there, but not strung out - I tend to overdo it, and make him too slow. Shannon reminded me of what John was saying (two days ago!) that Charlie is experienced enough to know what he's doing, so while I want to keep the rhythm even (1-2-3-4) I also want to stay out of his way if I don't see the spot and trust that he's going to launch or put one in, but just to keep my eyes up and ride it. Charlie was great over the warm up fences, so then we went and did the water, with my first ramp in, then a ramp one stride to a log, and then a ramp in with a bank out. Charlie was ho-hum it was so simple for him. Then we went over and rode the little ditch and big ditch and again, Charlie was Mr. Ho-Hum; No Big Deal. It was really fun and I'm really glad we went ahead of time, just so those first jittery butterflies in my stomach and Charlie's excitement about being there were things I could feel and address without the extra stress of the competition. I am really looking forward to this season. Oh! And we jumped one training level fence. Just an inviting log, but woo-hoo!

New job for me!

On May 15, I will be joining Phillips Wesch Burgess, a boutique firm that specializes in business, real estate, land use, environmental, construction, and related insurance coverage law. I'm excited about the opportunity, and the firm, which is relatively new and provides a much-needed niche area for the Tacoma to Portland corridor.

Jump lesson

Yesterday I had a jump lesson with Shannon. It was a good mix of work on the flat and some small fences, but working on those very important details. The take-aways: First, use my leg FIRST then my back for the down transitions. I have been doing better about remembering to use my back, but they still kind of tip forward onto the forehand and it's because I'm not using my leg also. Second, work on using inside leg to outside hand, plus outside leg, for the turns. I am still having trouble pulling my right hand and I need to pay a lot more attention to get this right because now I can feel what a difference it makes in how Charlie is going. Third, in my efforts to get a big canter out of Charlie, don't let him get all strung out. We had a few really good obvious examples where I'd let him get a bit flat instead of in his dressage canter (the hard part is balancing the big canter without the strung out), and we'd launch at the fences every time we were flat and strung out. But if I rode him in frame and balanced, we didn't have those launchers and had much better fences. Fourth, when and if Charlie spooks, I have to break the habit of turning him in a circle and instead make him keep doing his job. Then, miracle of miracles, today I finally felt draped going to the right in the canter, for the first time since I had vertigo at Christmas. The right side is still messed up, but I could feel the progress. This was a great lesson - I felt like some of the things Shannon has patiently repeated for the last two-three years are finally sinking in so I'm able to do them - and I can feel them (sometimes) before she says anything!

Current top 5 areas of focus

1. Heels down and forward - For this, I think lifting my toes and at each step, pushing my heels down and forward 2. Hands even and steady - For this, I am using rubberbands 3. Work on 2-point at trot and canter - Just trying to practice each time I'm in the jump saddle to build up these muscles so I don't pant my way around the course. Also, working on feeling the difference between 350 mpm and 400 mpm. 4. Feeling the hind legs at walk and trot. For trot, I think it is when you sit if you're posting, but I need to check that. 5. Independent leg aids, especially felt at the leg yield.

Another lightbulb!

Today I was having a hard time with my lower legs, keeping them kicked forward instead of pulling them back and up for the leg aid. The good news is now I can feel it when my lower leg swings back and up, the bad news is I don't feel it until after it has moved. But I figure that feeling it at all is progress, and soon I'll feel it earlier and earlier and eventually stop it completely and transition to a correct leg aid. I also had trouble coordinating my inside leg to outside hand - the whole day was one of the days where mostly I felt like a scarecrow up there, with a few moments where I got it together and a beam of light shone down from heaven. Then we worked on the leg yield - I've caught onto the timing of the aid leg, but I was still having Charlie's shoulders lead. I had figured out that I needed a "blocking" aid to stop his shoulder from popping through, but I was trying to do it off my hand. When Shannon finally figured out that I wasn't really using my outside leg, and had me use it as well - which was a feat of coordination to use it while using the other leg in a different way - everything snapped into place and I got some nice leg yields. So that was really nice, and another moment where I don't know why it doesn't occur to me to try to use my leg yields and instead I just keep doing it wrong with my hands. I also have reverted back to forgetting to use my back as an aid - as Shannon pointed out, I don't have any problems doing it over fences, and it's really the same thing - and she's right - I don't know why riding fences is SO much easier for me than riding dressage. It was a good lesson - frustrating, but with a couple of break through moments, so that was a nice reward!

Riding correctly

Today is noteworthy only in that I could finally see a direct result of all the past lessons during today's lesson where I actually could feel and had time to make the changes. We rode a very similar course to last week's at John's, only the long line had gotten longer and was a big 5 now. The light bulb that finally went off for me was the feeling of riding a big canter, but using the half halt around the corners and in between the fences to turn the big canter from a strung out, on the forehand canter to a ready to launch canter. Charlie helped by making it totally obvious: first time through line - long and strung out - horrible jumping on both our parts and he knocked the fence; second time through the line - big canter down the long side, half halt in the corner, half halt in between while keeping the big canter - perfectly flowing and harmonious fences. I still ride timid, and I'm prone to scrunching Charlie up slower and slower instead of getting him back on his haunches, but the feeling was so obvious and different when we jumped off the haunches instead of the forehand that I'm going to work really hard to make sure we never go back to forehand jumping. The other thing I caught onto was the importance of the line and the distances - we still had the bendy line, and my last line through I snipped part of it off, and it put us there at the wrong spot. While Charlie is experienced enough to get himself over the fence, I could really feel the difference from when we rode it on the correct bend. John said if you feel that you're off the line but can't fix it, you can do a bigger half halt, and it solves the problem also. It was another great lesson, and satisfying because I felt like I am not impossibly slow and am finally starting to put this stuff together. Also, gray horses make Charlie anxious.

Continuing to fail to correct the obvious

Today I had a great lesson with John, but a couple more slices of humble pie. First, I forgot about riding a bendy line from center to center, and couldn't tell why sometimes I got it right, and why sometimes we were a half stride off. Then, I kept forgetting to look at the next fence around a roll back corner, even though by the time I forgot it the 10th time or so I wanted to kick myself for overshooting and having to scramble to fix it. Third, I couldn't remember to half halt around the corners, while maintaining impulsion (key to this problem? I have been using my legs last instead of first in the half halt, so I lose impulsion when I half halt), so that we came into the fences nice and round. And fourth, Charlie has hoodwinked me in the half halts. He has cleverly been tucking his head, so I feel him go lighter in my hand, but I don't feel the "poof" in his back. This is because he isn't really half halting (see above). These were all perfectly timed for what looked like it would be hard on the novice courses, and I'd way rather know what my mistakes are, but I would like, every once in a while, to not look like a solid D student. I was telling myself, "C'mon Martha, pull it together" but as soon as I focus on one thing, another one drops off my radar and when I focus back on the dropped one, I drop a new thing.

Aspen video - 2nd round BN

The Beginner Novice course had an up bank, down bank, 3 stride combination, and the usual twisty turns. It rode really well and Charlie was an absolutely reliable champ. I rode the first round a little nervous and tight, so instead of going novice, I rode it again, much better except for we came into the final fence a little long so I launched it instead of adding an extra stride. Next month we'll do Novice twice and be ready to go for this year's season! Much to my surprise, the novice did not look that much bigger or harder (although it definitely needed more control for tighter turns while going faster so I'm probably grossly underestimating how hard that will be to do), except for the last fence which was an enormous rolltop. Since Charlie jumps like a dream, and jumps even better when the fences get bigger, today really helped me build confidence - although I was a little disappointed that I immediately got nervous when we got there, I was really pleased with how much improved my riding feels from the end of last year. I felt like I could think about a lot more things and react a lot better and plan ahead compared to last year. And like my position was more solid. And much to my relief, I did not have any issues with the right hand turns. Charlie is dreamy. I loooovveeee Charlie!

More Aspen derby photos

Some photos from the derby at Aspen

Improvement on the right lead canter

We started taking away my crutches today, and Shannon made me ride off the rail, so particularly for the right lead canter, I can't use the three corners of the arena as helpful corner forcers. Everything works (somewhat awkwardly, but works) if I keep my left hand down and pull back, either with a squeeze with my fingers or actual elbow back. What doesn't work is when I fling my right hand open. We also took some video today, and while a lot of things look better to me, the relative improvement in those areas accentuates my constantly moving hands and how obvious it is when I quit thinking about my aids, and my heels swing back up instead of doing the pinch aid. But what was good about it is there are moments - short and infrequent, but there if you don't blink - where I've got it together. So my goal for this year is to make those moments last longer and come more often. We did 20 meter, 15 meter, 10 meter circles, and then some center line work (so she could see how straight we were) and then some shoulder-in. I'm really happy that the progress is showing in the right lead canter. My body still moves very awkwardly compared to the left, but it's slowly slowly fixing.

4 ground exercises to strengthen my left side

Shannon and I went to John's today for a jump lesson, and he had vertigo once, so had some ground exercises and very quickly identified what was going on. It was eerie how quickly he was able to identify everything (and explain it's source) without even seeing me ride, and that it was identical to Shannon's observations over the past month and a half or so. He suggested that I stand on one leg (the right one) and first hold my left leg out until it is stable, then start moving it around so that it is independent of my hand. Second, get a stress ball and squeeze it with my left hand (which is weaker than my right, and probably why those fingers are always opening). Third, put some big rubberbands on my left forearm with my sleeve pushed up, attach them to the breastplate/martingale strap, and then my left arm won't be able to cross over the neck or move too far up the neck without the rubber band tension reminding it to stop (in other words, the rubber band tells me what I can't feel, like Shannon can do in a lesson but that I reinforce when I'm alone because I can't feel where that arm is). Fourth, try doing more with my left hand. Like brushing my teeth or grooming Charlie - the left side is basically atrophying because I use the right side so dominantly. Then he had us warm up by riding in a circle in between two standards, so I HAD to steer Charlie properly. Then we jumped a cross rail with that same hard right hand turn through the standards to the right to the fence, so I had to make the right hand turn in a hard way three times on the circle. Then we jumped two fences in a modified figure 8. Same exercise here with the right hand, only I had more space, and to the left, the focus was on bending his neck to the left. This one was awful because out of, I don't know - 12-20 times - I maybe landed on the correct lead twice. Even a 50/50 chance would have better results. These exercises worked because of just the slightest difference in the wording of what I should do - pull my left elbow BACK. It prevents my left hand from crossing over his neck, it acts like a half halt, and it steers. But when I think pull on my left hand, I pull it up or forward or over. The other tip was to act like my right elbow was attached to my hip, making a hinge. I can still open my right hand, but I can't lift my elbow out. And then after I was able to turn to the right again, the next level of refinement was to ask for the canter to be bigger first, ask with my right leg, then pull the left hand back. This got Charlie to come around the corner very well balanced, and it made a huge difference in our approach to the fence. I think these are the same things as before - ride from the outside rein, bend, connect - but something about having vertigo suddenly accentuated all of it, and both Shannon and John were right in now that we've identified it, we can fix it.

Pema Chodron and the C student

Pema Chodron is the only buddhist I've ever been able to read (or listen to, in a book on tape in the car) and really understand what she's saying. She claims, in one lecture, it's because she's a C student and because she had to work so hard at things that came naturally to other people studying buddhism, it helps her explain things now. Personally, I think it's probably more because she used to be a kindergarten teacher and thus, can explain it at the lowest common denominator. Regardless, it's what I was thinking of today when I had a total meltdown and just lost my marbles because of my continued inability to turn right at the canter. I can use three of the walls, but the one corner that needs actual steering, I can't do it, we just drift down the long side of the arena. This post is merely to say that I can't turn right in the hopes that one day, I'll look back and be glad I'm past this phase, and that it really didn't take as long as it feels like it is going to. The magic has something to do with NOT lifting my left hand, but I have no idea what it is that's wrong since I can do it in the walk and the trot and I try to mimic all of the feelings exactly.

A couple things are better; some perpetual issues

Today was kind of a discouraging lesson because even though I'm all fired up and looking forward to this year's show season, I'm still a passive rider. It's like no matter how many tools are in my tool belt, until Shannon tells me what to do, I don't think or try to do anything myself. It's infuriating. And I'll focus on one thing, and it's just random luck when I happen to be focusing on the thing that needs to be focused on. We jumped today, and the goods part were Shannon raised the jumps a bit and it didn't faze me at all, my lower leg feels pretty good and steady underneath me, and riding up in my half seat with my hands pushed into his neck feels really comfortable now compared to how it felt all new and different last year. The bad news? I still ride passive and quiet to the fence, can't correct an error when it starts, and my right hand is still a loony tune. Shannon had me ride in the warm up with my right hand pressed into his mane, forward up his neck, and the left hand pressed down near the martingale strap. This feels crazy, but she said it's to reset the feeling where "correct" is. We had two additions that proved to be more difficult than they should have, plus two run-outs that I completely failed to correct. First, we rode a barrel on its side, with wings, so there was a tiny narrow part to jump over. We did this late last summer just fine, so I approached it focusing on the prior instruction - eyes up and forward, instead of looking down at what we were jumping. So even though I felt the run-out coming from way far away, I did NOTHING to stop it. No kicking, no growling, no smack with the whip. We just ran out, ran past it, and then finally wound down to a halt. So then the next five times, I tried to fix it, but instead of kicking and sitting up, I'd see saw with my hands, especially my right hand, making him bulge out through the left shoulder, and we'd jump it at a wonky angle. I had to clamp the right hand into his neck, and then focus on riding assertively with my legs to make it work. Then our next hard fence was a diagonal line - straight over the wall and then stay on a line so we jumped a barrel vertical at an angle. And for this one, Charlie kept charging in between the two. So for this one, I had to think "half halt" to re-balance around the corner to the fence, before the fence, as soon as we jumped, and then I'd half halt again a couple strides in, and then we could fit in the stride and jump the line, but he charged a bit after the last half halt. Shannon said this was because he was bored once he knew what the exercise was. I looked back at the lessons from a year ago to see what we were working on then, and sadly, it was my goofy right hand. I think one of the obstacles is that I do the one jump lesson a week, and don't jump in between, so I really only work on this during the lesson. Originally, what I wanted to do was have Shannon ride once a week to keep him tuned up, jump twice a week (once in a lesson), give him a day off, a day of trail riding/conditioning, and then two days of dressage.

Humble pie eating contest

We are racing out the door to White Pass, so this is a very brief synopsis of my lesson - which is fine because it's not the sort I could pleasantly dwell on. I'm going to tell myself that breakthroughs to the next level don't happen until you're really struggling, although I'm not sure that's true, but I WAS struggling today. We went back a few lessons to leg yielding. To one direction (the right) it's a cakewalk. The other way (left), I get myself all tangled up, we start going sideways and eventually just halt. There's a lot going wrong. My right hand lifts up and then opens - my right leg squeezes up to the saddle pad, my left hand starts pulling, and my legs are kicking inconsistently. We had to break it down into a walk, then with Shannon walking alongside me with each specific instruction, and finally, with her riding and me watching. First - I need to give the leg aid when his hind leg is lifting. So if we're going right, it is when his left hind leg lifts, which is when my right hip starts to move forward. My leg sputters. Second - My leg aid isn't correct. I either twist my toe out to dig my heel in, or lift my heel up to squeeze way up high next to the saddle pad. This was easiest to see standing on the ground watching Shannon give the aid. She squeezes from the lower leg but doesn't really use her heel at all. This part, oddly, was absolutely the hardest for me to wrap my tiny brain around. Third - I get frustrated and then start spazzing out with my hands and legs. Fourth - So Charlie stops listening because it's information overload, and then, on the rare occasion when I get it right, he doesn't respond, so I don't realize whether or not I've gotten it right. (Until Shannon gets on, gets him responsive, and then I get on again.) I'm having a low moment where I feel like there's no way I should be competing or even wasting instructor's time, and then I repeat to myself that this is just the next layer of refinement, and it feels overwhelming because it's all so new, but just like struggling to keep my leg from swinging two years ago is now just habit, one day this will be too and I'll be working on something even more refined and feeling just as frustrated about how I'm the worst rider in the world. In other words, I'm trying to put a positive spin on this (It's progress!) instead of a negative (I suck!).

Sluggish reaction time

Charlie got the beginning of the week off for some epsom soaking, but an abscess never popped out. On Thursday he was a delight to ride - frisky so I didn't need any leg, but happy to be back to work - Friday he was a poop for Shannon. We jumped outside today, taking advantage of the rare February clear, dry day. Charlie was a champ, except for one very embarrassing run out, although I'm not even sure you could call it that since it started so incredibly far away. A branch fell in the arena, and sometimes Charlie spooks at it and sometimes he doesn't. We hadn't ridden past it until we were heading for the fence today, and so he saw it and zeroed in on it, and although I could feel it coming from what felt like a million miles away, I couldn't figure out how to prevent the spook. So he had lots and lots of time to decide what he was going to do while I sat there and did nothing. Then, once he started to react, I did exactly the wrong thing (turned him in the direction he was already going) and then when I caught myself and remembered I was supposed to use the opposite hand, I made us go the other wrong way. Shannon's instructions were, no matter what - keep him going towards the fence. Even if you have to stop and then hop over it from a standstill. After that initial reaction, though, the rest of the lesson was a cakewalk. We did the skinny wall to a vertical with barrels under it (side note: When Shannon looks like she is playing Donkey Kong and rolling a barrel, Charlie keeps a careful eye on her), with a right hand turn to an oxer that Shannon raised a hole from the last lesson, so Charlie made himself nice and round over it. I noticed I prefer jumping because I like riding in my half seat with my hands pressed into the side of his neck. Everything is easier when my hands are up there out of the way. I also got one fence where I got the "extra" stride in instead of launching (last year's lessons stuck with me!) and another where I launched my hands forward, which is something I noticed at the end of last year that I started to do.

Trail riding homework & Frisky Charlie

For today's jump lesson, Charlie started out frisky and stayed consistently frisky. This was good because I got an opportunity to watch how Shannon would handle it, which is much more firm (and quick) than me. I always appreciate it when I'm in a lesson for something new getting introduced that I don't have the tools to know how to react. On the ground, I tend to kind of casually walk in front of Charlie, instead of next to his shoulder with a person's width space between me and his shoulder. If he is trying to hop around and get in her personal space, she makes him halt and, if needed, shows him the whip so he's more respectful. We started with some work on a circle, and he was nice and energetic, but he was so energetic she had me do two gallop laps each direction. I was really hesitant to do it - I've lost my desire to go fast - but once we got going and I trusted Charlie, it was actually fun and he couldn't hop one way or the other while he was focused on going forward. Then we jumped, two fences in a half circle to a half figure 8, which Shannon gradually raised to 2'8". The big lesson from this - for today with a frisky Charlie - was to work on my hands pressed into his neck. Especially turning on the right lead canter, to press my right hand up his neck, left hand pulled back to the breastplate, and clamp them down, and then try to bend him to the left (which, when I feel is wildly to the left, is about straight) - and to do that with my hands pressed into his neck means I squeeze the left rein like a sponge and use my left leg. The first few fences, Charlie was very enthusiastic, and as we'd come to them, the last few strides he'd kind of lunge forward, and blow past my half halts with my seat (especially once I had my hands clamped down). But after he got over his enthusiasm, he went back to his normal jumping. Shannon suggested that I try the exaggerated hand position for a while just to reset my brain. She also gave me homework - riding once a week on the trail, with the reins in one hand and that hand being still and quiet. She said it will be good for me to trick my hands into not always fidgeting, good for Charlie to work on his 5th leg, and good for Charlie mentally to have a break from me overthinking and overworking everything.

Our first flying change! (sort of)

Today we started with some leg yields, where I immediately got all wonky and would pull my right hand back to try to straighten Charlie to the left. While this was infuriating (after the 5th time in a row I did it while I swear (I swear, Shannon!) I was telling my body to do the opposite), it did lead to a new way to think about my hands. Shannon noticed whenever I try to do anything that involves my left hand, It likes to cross over Charlie's neck. (And I say "It" on purpose like It has a mind of Its own.) So she came up with some instructions for It to try to help It not just cross over - either squeezing like a sponge, pulling back, or (at the end of the lesson) remembering to use my back and keep both hands together and lean back just a tiny bit - something she taught me probably 6 months ago that I have since forgotten to do. Actually, before that we worked on 10 meter circles at the trot, then when I'd get back to the rail, at the canter, where I exhibited my idiot inability to turn right at the canter, with my right hand flinging out into space and my left hand flailing over the neck. Then we did some counter canter and bending Charlie to the inside and outside while going along the rail. All of this, I'm also trying to think about kicking my lower leg forward with my heels down and toes pointed in. Then we got on a smallish circle on the left lead, came around counterclockwise to noon, and then pointed straight at 6 (the rail) and then I'd turn his neck to the right, and ask for right lead canter. It took a few tries, and then Charlie realized what I was trying to ask him for, and tried to do it, but I'd panic and get him twisted, so he only switched his front end. But it was this BIG jump up in the air when he was switching. And he is sooooo sweet that he tried so hard to figure out what the hell I was asking him to do flailing around up there and then tried to do it. AND - as a side effect, then when I went the wrong way once, then Shannon noticed if I try bending Charlie to the outside, I can make a really small circle going to the right. So it has something to do with my right hand or shoulders I think, which means focus on "hands backward" from what they want to do - push my right hand forward and pull my left hand back and then things stay even and he can do a regular old right hand circle.

I am not an ambi-turner

I am not sure what is going on, but I've started having a lot of trouble turning to the right. We worked on this last lesson with a lot of different exercises. First, Shannon made a circle and I rode around it to the left, trying to be aware of what every part of my body was doing. Then I rode around it to the right, trying to feel what was different. As best I can tell, I twist my upper body to the right (to the inside), and then I either lift my lift hip (so my butt isn't touching as solidly as on the right) or I bear down on the right which forces the left up (can't tell which), and then open my right hand out wide. I have no idea why, and have very little control to squish it back all into place like it does when going to the left. We tried bridging the reins, and riding with them bridged and my hands pressed into his neck to try to keep the right hand from opening, which worked, but felt horribly awkward. I'm a few days late in posting this - the rest of the lesson was great but this was the focus area. It's weird - at the start of last year (not quite a year ago), we noticed how Charlie was always bent to the right, but then I could still turn right. In the course of improving everything else, somehow it has brought this issue to the forefront. We also worked on kicking my legs forward. I lift my heel for the aids, and I'm trying to keep my legs off of him except for the aid, and then to do it like a squeezing pincher instead of squeezing back onto his side. This, like all other body position changes, feels weird, like I'm sitting in a rocking chair, but then looks correct in the mirror instead of my way. The great news is that the things we've been working on the last few months, instead of just doing what Shannon says, I can actually feel it! So when Charlie is a bit uneven in the contact or is hanging on the reins, now I can feel he is doing it and know the correction!!!

First jump lesson post-vertigo

I finally jumped again! I rode again with upside down hands, which helps tremendously, and Charlie provided one perfectly timed learning opportunity by spooking at a cone, so Shannon had us ride past it until we got it right (opposite leg, bent away from spooky object). Today's challenge was making sure even with upside down hands that my right hand didn't pull further back than the left, and then making right turns. I want to cross my left hand over his neck, so I have to press my left hand into his neck and make sure I really think "wheelbarrow" hands so I turn from the outside. We just did a little vertical with ground poles and then a little oxer and then the oxer to the ground poles. I was a little off on the landing - kind of thunking down too hard and early on Charlie's back - but it went far better than I expected it to, so I think it's just one more week of "rehab" and then we can go back to gearing up for this year. And of course, I didn't escape needing to drop my weight into my heels and keep my legs from their constant staccato, but the good news is that a lot of the things Shannon described to me when she rode when I couldn't (a bit heavy on the hands, uneven weight in the hands) I can feel now - maybe a bit belatedly, but at least I can feel it - and I know how to correct it! I feel the new habits starting to click in! I'm so excited! We are definitely going to have to work on those right turns though - I wonder if that's where I lose it in show jumping in the past, and I just wasn't tuned in enough to what was going on to realize why. And I haven't mentioned it in a while, but I loooovveeee Charlie. He's the best horse ever.

Upside down hands

Today Charlie rode like a champ, and I could finally canter again without tilting around like a scarecrow, but the real gem was when Shannon took away my whip and made me ride with my hands upside down on the reins. I quit reefing on Charlie's mouth, and then he was free to move like he does when Shannon rides him. It was pretty remarkable to feel what an impact my hands are having, especially because I really can't feel them doing it. It helps that Shannon has done most of the work on him this week with me not being able to ride much, and so my new long-term goal is to get as good as Shannon. He was a real delight - we even caught a break in the rain and got to ride in the outdoor arena.

Peeling the onion

It's been a frustrating month and a half. I had a big work deadline which kept me away from the barn for most of a month, and just a few days after that ended, I got vertigo - the horsewoman's curse - which hasn't quite resolved yet. I walked on Charlie for the first time yesterday, and today I had a lesson with Shannon to try trotting and see how it went. It felt like I looked the first time I rode - hands in front of me and high like a waterskier - standing up in the stirrups - weaving around in the saddle like a drunk when I tried to change directions.
The silver lining is I have no excuse but to work on the minutiae until the vertigo is resolved - keeping my hands even, holding my lower leg off Charlie's side unless I am asking for an aid, asking once and expecting him to maintain it until I ask him for something else, working on a nice square halt, not Charlie's haunches going out to the right, no poll dropping, and flexion - Charlie is stiff through his neck, especially to the right, and I'm pretty confident this is because I reel on his poor right cheek like I'm trying to pull in a whale.
However, in a "d'oh" moment, I whined to Shannon that when I put my elbows on my hips to make sure my hands are even, every time I look down, my right hand is further back. First, my slow brain thought my right arm was short, but then when I got off, and I was showing Shannon from the ground, she pointed out that one of my hips is tilted back, and so I should probably just stop using elbows on hips as the reference point.
The other silver lining was two days ago and today I watched Shannon ride and she described what she was doing while she was doing it (and why), and it was really helpful to be able to see from the ground what doing it right looks like, and hearing what she was doing when I couldn't see it. Charlie moves so nice for her, and I still feel like he got the short end of the stick between the two of us.

Looking forward and back

The progress I've made over the last year:
1. I don't ride with my hands - as much.
2. I don't pinch with my knees - all the time.
3. My legs aren't crazy random egg beaters always flapping.
4. I can sit the trot - when it's slow and easy.
5. I can go to a beginner novice show and kick some booty.

My goals for next year:
1. Get my right hand even and make it stop pulling and get my left hand closed.
2. Master impulsion - or at least improve my leg aids (this goal has many subparts).
3. Improve use of my core and back as the aid, instead of my hands.
4. Work on 2nd level dressage.
5. Show novice eventing and stay in the ribbons.

Recalibration

I had a nice, steady lesson on Charlie today. He gave me just enough to work on to not be cocky (not that I have any reason to be after riding 3 times in the last month) but we made satisfying progress and I felt like I got it. Shannon's tip for when I'm riding by myself is to work on bending both ways and then going straight. She said Charlie was overbent to the left and stiff to the right. We worked on the proper response to the spooking (after she rode him this week, it's getting him in front of my leg and then letting him go up and down instead of faster forward or sideways) and then counter canter, which feels so wonky around the corners. News flash - even when counter cantering, they should bend in the "proper" direction (towards the inside). It was a great lesson, satisying on multiple levels, but I'm just too pooped from my month of work to do it justice describing it. I'm written out.