First lesson with John & Duke

Our first lesson was with Jessica & Caruso.
We started with some flat work; John said to push him out with inside leg and to use a half halt.  He did pretty well; I had to sit taller a couple times, and his trot/canter transitions are a bit rough, but overall, I thought he did well.
We started with a little cross rail; he landed preferentially on the right lead (we were going left), but then eventually figured it out.  Then we did a little vertical, then a six stride line.  It was all smooth sailing until the six stride long, then Duke was all "yee-haw!" and went charging down the line.  I very clearly had a horrified look on my face.
But.  All I had to do was sit up and half halt him on the way to the fence - preferably about six strides out - and then wait for it, and he settled right now.  He is easy to half halt in between the fences too.
So then John had us jump two 1-stride combinations; first a plank to a vertical, then an oxer to a vertical.  I let Duke launch at them, because I didn't want to mess with his momentum, and he kind of took off on the far side.  Not in a horrible, out of control way, but definitely not in a way where I'd want to jump another fence a couple strides later.
John said to do a 10 meter or 15 meter circle or halt, but absolutely not to let him start getting away with that, because he will just get more aggressive as the fences get bigger.  I looked surprised by it, I guess, but John said that's how he looked in all the videos too.
Everyone has said that he is "compact" - sometimes before, sometimes after saying he has a cute face.
We got in and out of the trailer (and ate grass) a few times before driving down, he strolled over to meet John, was all "ho hum, here I am getting a lesson", including standing around for a while waiting, and then walked down the trail with Caruso and back, and then met Meg.  He's a pretty cool cucumber except for on the far side of the fences, so I think that is pretty awesome.
Katy and Ashley said that, unlike Charlie, I'm going to have to be careful he doesn't get too hot with all the food to try to fatten him up.
John said his conformation was ok - he is a little over at the knees and he is a bit straight on the hind end, which is going to make it hard for him to come under himself, but he said he is even thirds, even though he is small.  Katy said he was a better size for me than Charlie.
The top two things to work on are to:
- Bend him around my inside leg
- Lots of walk/trot/walk transitions
And the third:
- Keep the outside hand and half halt when necessary so he doesn't pop out through his shoulder on the circle, especially at the canter
John said I can't ruin him; he's my horse, 6 years old, and probably wasn't going to be used much by Jane.  He said Duke is lucky to have a home with me.
I like him; I got so lucky with his good personality on the ground but he's easy to ride (he's EASY to balance over the fences), and until I squish it out of him, he's nice and responsive (John said there was plenty to work on, but I couldn't even follow the list - I asked if he needed to come down for training with John and he said no, he'd make him too sensitive) to the aids, he's easy to sit and etc. etc., but he's not Charlie.  I miss Charlie so much.
He got a scratch on his right hind leg on Thursday, I saw it and cleaned it and rode him.  Friday morning he was stocked up and warm; I put him out anyway.  It was same stocked up and warm Friday night, so I didn't ride.  This morning it was less stocked up, but still a little warm.  John said bring him down anyway (he didn't look off), and we rode him and he was fine, but John said he couldn't wear a boot on that leg.  I put his soft post-ride boots on for tonight.
He stood on the side of the road and ate hay at the trailer.  He's got good manners.
John said it does look like Jane rode him up until he left; he said sometimes they don't, but that he would have called her.  He said "we'll see" when I said I planned on just going BN this year with him.
I'm proud of how we did; I've only ridden him three hours up until now (or so) - twice in Pennsylvania 6 weeks ago, and then a light ride and hack Monday, and increasing work Tuesday - Thursday.  Then he had Friday off and rode down there and worked his little heart out like a champ.  I am feeling hopeful he and I will be a good team, and I was so, so, so happy to be back taking a lesson with John.

John on horse selection

John could see things in the video that I couldn't, like a little bit of shortness in the left front leg - he said movement wasn't even.  He also saw dangling legs where I didn't, even though I had probably watched that video 20 times.
He said the price is ok, that it seems to be what the market is, that the sellers have put $12-15 into a horse over a couple years, and are probably hoping to make about 10%.
He recommended American Horse Transport, a local company, and said a box stall shouldn't be necessary.
He recommended major medical and insurance for at least the first year.
He said because I was comfortable on the horse, that I don't need to send him to John for work right away, although he relented and said give him 3 days off when he first arrives to adjust, then spend 5 days with John where I ride him there every day so that John can watch us.  After he sees me ride, he'll decide about the shows.  He thought the one days at Caber would be a good start.  He said maybe for BN at Inavale.
My alerts were little feet - John said a lot on the east coast have them, kind of upright, and he said work with the farrier once he arrives.  He said there are a lot of horses on the east coast and not enough farriers.  For prelim/*, he said no one can predict how a horse will go until he goes.  He said if Duke has a nice start and a nice personality, but isn't cut out for a *, we'll sell him and after I show he's a good adult amateur training level horse, it shouldn't be too hard.  And that 41 isn't too old - that the average age at Rolex was 48, and someone was 60 going advanced.  The neck was ok.  He showed me the drift left after the fences, but I couldn't see it.
He thought Duke was a little skinny and missing a bit of topline, especially for the east coast weather.
For me, he thinks I need a horse I have a connection with, work with every day, so I need that sweet personality.  He said I really started to click with Charlie once he was entirely my horse.
We might do more than my twice a week lessons at first.
He said he would tell me no, and that he had for other horses.  He said he would say no to any horse that had the OCD surgery.
Also, 2-5 seconds of video was too short for them to really see the horse move.  He watched several of the horses in the other videos, but I was pretty focused on Duke by then.

Catching up on magazines

Bits with arrow; goes on left hand side pointing in direction of travel
Vary work sets according to muscle groups; e.g. set 1 is lateral, set 2 is canter-walk-canter
First aid kit:  stethoscope, thermometer, antibiotic, bandages, betadine, saline, syringe, safety razor, shoe pulling tools, duct tape, tranquilizer, ophthalmic antibiotic, bute
Gallop fitness is over shoulders, not back, and use bridged rein to hold it longer and longer
Use thinning blade on mane, then scissors at 45 degree angle
Clean tack:  saddle soap, oil 10-15 minutes, saddle soap, CONDITION with leather conditioner
www.AIMEquineU.com, "GIFT40" for 40% off Jim Wofford

John's horse shopping tips

#1 - you should like the horse.
And this is very individual and quirky.  You just might not connect with the rock star but like the goofy loser.
#2 - trot can be improved; but walk and canter should be good.
Canter should have rhthym, so you can feel the jump spot.  Your hips should feel even (1-2-3, 1-2-3). Sometimes you have to ride to feel it.
#3 - Videos from the three I rode in Canada.
He thought they were ok; the 14 yo was not going to do well in dressage.  He said B's contact with bit could be training but could be teeth.
#4 - Luca
He liked him, but he likes for rider to ride first, because there's no point in finding a horse he likes but you don't connect with.  He says he rarely goes ga-ga over horses.  He said Luca will be a lot of time because he's so young.
#5 - Ocala and California
He said I should shop in Ocala while I'm in Florida, and that Ashley is going to California and will keep me in mind.

2 slices of humble pie

Meg let me ride Manny and then I had a lesson on Horton.  I failed at both.
Manny was having a good day, but I got him back to his nasty self, so when I finished, Meg had to get back on and clean him up.
He did a lot of scooting forward and bulging out through his left shoulder instead of bending, and then some bucks too.  I had a hard time getting him round.  He wanted to stall or go sideways instead of round, and Meg said she usually gets him forward (and flat) first, then rounds him.  She rides with a really open rein to the inside, which I had a hard time doing.
Then Ashley brought out Horton.  We did fine, with a few bucks, until everyone arrived to watch us, and then I got more and more miserable, he started bucking more, and John wanted him bent to the inside, which I was completely incapable of doing.  He also didn't like having the spur on (only the calf).  Eventually, John got on and rode the snot out of him.  At the trot, when he starts to give his buck signal, John puts on more calf.  At the canter, John sits deeper and opens his hands.  He also does some bend to the inside so that it is harder work than just doing what John was asking.  John of course made him look amazing - even with some bucks - and I started crying at the humiliation of having to get off and let John ride and then crying at my crying on a stupid negative feedback cycle.  When I got back on, he felt great, but it was so fucking terrible to not know what I was doing, to have proof that it was never me, always Charlie, and to be back at square one and have to learn everything all over again.
I know the challenge should be part of the process and the satisfaction, but all I can think of is people talking about me and saying it was Charlie and I suck.  It's like a fucking interview, everyone watching to see how I'll perform.
And my confidence is just fucking destroyed.  Charlie was the little shred that was left.  PB and then Kevin, and this god damn bullshit at work, I've got nothing to draw from.
I'm not sure I want to start over, but I'm self destructing without Charlie.
Also, I saw Harper's new horse, some fancy thing from overseas (apparently her last horse was some $70 or $80k horse?), and he's 5 and his neck is a funny shape and I never in a million years would have given him a second look, but John said he should be able to go advanced by next year.  He looked better under saddle, but not enough to make me stop and take in my breath.
So I know nothing.  This is all just blind dumb fucking luck with the odds stacked against me.  I hate this.  I hate everything.  I hate my life when I don't ride.

Connection

I didn't know that grief could feel this devastating.  And here's my theory - Charlie and I were a team in a way I haven't ever been with a human, and in a way more deep than with a human because we couldn't talk.  Charlie trusted me and I trusted him, and we had a way to communicate with each other that was so much deeper than words.  And that it was unconditional love, in a way no partner has lasted.  I might be mad at him, he might be mad at me, but we loved each other anyway.
And unlike humans, I told Charlie every day how lucky I was to have him and how much I loved him.  And I loved him despite his (very few) flaws, and he loved me for who I am.  We worked together to improve and to grow.  Charlie was what I always wanted in a partner.  He nickered when he heard me coming.  I loved Charlie more than I have ever loved anyone or anything in my life.

The Past & Future

Two days ago, Charlie had an accident in his pasture and had to be euthanized.  It feels like my heart was sucked out of my body and through a black hole.  At least three bones in his left hind leg were broken (tibia, hock, femur), and the vet thought some of them multiple times.  The tibia was snapped completely off and trying to come out of the inside of his leg, and there was some sort of hole above it that was bleeding pretty good.  He couldn't get up.
No one saw it happen, but all three panels of the fence were broken towards Caruso's pasture, and the electric wire had snapped off too.
I think it happened around 1:30.  The neighbors saw it and called Northwind; they started calling me; and I answered on the third try - I was about to volunteer with Ele and was walking into the hospital when the phone started ringing.  Dr. Wenzell got there about 10 minutes after me, and we probably put him down 5 minutes later.  I talked to him until she got there and while he died, and tried not to cry and scare him until it was over.
Then I sat on the ground next to him and cried until they brought the tarp out to cover him.
I have howled and wailed and sobbed horrible gut-wrenching sobs for the last two days.  
I loved Charlie beyond anything.  He was my partner and I trusted him with my life.  My body is twitching, wanting to run and put my arms around his neck and my face in his and feel the reins and that planted, harmonious feeling we had just gotten reliably to.
I loved Charlie more than I have ever loved anyone or anything, and I thought I had 10 more years with him.
I loved Charlie and I don't know how my heart keeps beating without him.
Charlie was my best friend, my one constant, the thing that kept me sane and gave me purpose.  Charlie was my heart and my soul.  
He died with the sun on his back.  He was in pain, but I think no more than an hour.  I got to say goodbye to him, and if things had been just a little different, I wouldn't have been there, so I am grateful for that.  Just as in life, he didn't struggle; twice he tried to sit up, but went back down and just let me talk to him.
Charlie was the greatest thing that I've ever had in my life.  Charlie is proof that I can love and be loved unconditionally.  He was a patient teacher who helped me grow.  He let me see that I could be unafraid of death, but grateful to be alive.
Charlie was my foundation, my anchor, and my support.  I built my life around him, and he - as best as I can tell - loved me back.
I am so, so, so grateful to have known Charlie and to have had five amazing years with him.  What I do not know is if I am finally destroyed.  I have never felt so paralyzed by grief; so close to being a zombie.

I went down to talk with John today.  He agreed with the vet about how Charlie probably fell.  He had an advanced horse that fell and broke just one bone; John had the surgery, the rehab, and a year of stall rest because he felt like he owed the horse to be a pasture horse, but the first time he was turned out, it broke again and John had to put him down.  He said euthanizing Charlie was the right call; that multiple breaks never would have been fixable.  I asked him if it was my fault, if I should have told them not to turn Charlie out when there was a chance of ice.  He said it wasn’t ice or Charlie jumping the fence.  He thought it was probably like I said - Charlie was running towards the fence, tried to do a sliding stop and misjudged, planted the leg, slammed through the fence, and broke everything when he hit the ground.  He said if it had been jumping or ice it would have been his neck or back that broke.  He told me he had a Grand Prix jumper who misjudged the height of one of John’s fences and tried to jump out, hit the top of the gate, and broke his knees.  He said that horse was the last one he ever would have worried about missing the height to jump over something.  

He is going to have me ride a few of his horses to see what I’m like on different horses to better pick the next horse, but he agreed with me that I will probably hate the next horse because he won’t be Charlie.  He said there aren’t many horses he’s met that are just likeable, but Charlie was one of them. 

He thinks the best thing to do would be if he can find an older competition horse who is too old for serious competition but not over the hill yet, and have me lease that horse for 6 months or so.  He said that will be my rebound horse, so that I can love the one who comes next even though he isn’t Charlie.

Then he’ll start looking for the next horse.  He thinks probably a horse who has a good personality but could use a little work.  He said unlike most of his students, I don’t mind putting the time into the horse, so I can bring it along.  He said what will take time will be finding one who has the potential to go prelim or higher but no nasty vices. 

I told him about how Charlie used to nicker when he heard me come into Forest Park, that he recognized the sound of my feet and how I walked, even though he couldn’t see me and I was as far away as possible in the barn.  I also told him that my former coworkers thought my husband’s name was Charlie for a long time because I only talked about doing things with Charlie.  He said Charlie didn't seem to like being ridden by him much, but I pointed out that just made Charlie love me more, once I was back on him.

Snow day

Despite the snow, I had a lesson (thank goodness!).  It was a light lesson, so Charlie wouldn't get sweaty, which was nice because it was so cold out I could feel the "breeze" on my cheeks.  We mostly worked on having Charlie both forward and round.  John said that when Charlie was there last week, it would take him 18 minutes to get Charlie going, then suddenly he'd just be going fine (on the first day of riding).  The next day he'd start out fine.  Then he got a couple days of just hand walking because of the frozen arena, and then he was a slug again.  John said it's better than a horse who rears after two days in the stall, but that he does better and better the more his work is regular, and to keep that in mind in show season.
He also said that the little spot on Charlie's back can be the saddle pad needing a second rinse when I wash it, a wet spot that doesn't dry before his blanket goes on, or the pressure from the saddle pad rubbing on his hair, and just to lift the saddle pad up into the gullet before I sit down.
The extra-crooked head I've been feeling he thinks is the cold bit and the stiff poll (he said it's not worth the battle to get them soft in the poll when it's cold out) and it seems to accentuate him grabbing the bit and jutting his head out.  Which would explain why I've only noticed it when it's cold out.
I asked him what he was doing with Charlie, because his shoulders got much easier to turn, and I can make the circle radius smaller and he said just shoulder in.
I feel like a million times less stressed now that I've had a lesson.

More Beauty & the Beast jumps

We shared our lesson with Reece today, whose loaner horse got a little excited.  She did some good riding for a kid, and I got a little jealous that she's going to grow up to be such a good rider because she gets to spend her formative years learning from John.  Also, she "got" to learn how to solve a problem with John, where I "just" had super duper reliable Charlie carry me through it regardless of how I was flubbing it up.
John says when I jump at home, I don't need to jump more than 2'6" or 3', so that was super helpful.  He says he might do a few big jumps in a row, or just one once before a show, depending on what the horse needs.
For my lesson, my number one thing was to get my reins back faster.  He said it's fine if I slip them over the big fence so I'm not hitting Charlie in the mouth, but it shouldn't take me half the ring to pick them back up again.  I've also taken to sticking my left elbow out, like a chicken.  I have no idea why I'm doing that.
He also showed me with my hands where they should be when Charlie is on the bit, and how when he rounds up and then rounds down, how much that would pull them forward.  He said the only way to be able to do that is being super duper responsive in the hips, and since I'm no there yet, it's ok to slip them.
He was also telling me heels down and legs forward, and to keep my reins shorter heading into the fences than I wanted.  I also had to really think to squeeze my shoulder blades together, which we did at the start with some half seat in the canter and then some two point (around and around) at the trot.
We had one good learning moment over a big fence, when I looked down at it instead of up and out the door, and could immediately feel how it made me crumple in the air and as we landed, so it was a good demonstration of how important that head up is.
Charlie was great, nice and forward and round over the fences, but I still feel like triangle.  John said it's fine, it will get better, and it's not any worse than it was.
Charlie will be with John some part of this week (and maybe next week) depending on how my "Uncle Leo" trial goes.  There's a cold front coming in, and I am feeling terrible because I left Charlie's "snow suit" here at home so he won't be able to wear it standing in the stall.  I even left my trailer down there, so I had no excuse not to bring anything he might need.

Dressage without stirrups

John had us get right to it with some sitting trot, and then just a few blissfully ignorant minutes in, he had me drop my stirrups.  We probably did 2/3 of the lesson without stirrups, although it felt like eternity.  The whole riding my bike thing before the lesson does not result in me having the freshest of thigh muscles.
Anyway, I felt something very, very interesting.  Going to the right, especially at the canter, my entire body scrunches up and leans inside.  I have never felt that without stirrups, and I bet they're mitigating it a tiny bit, but I think this is a eureka moment.  It was brutal, trying not to lean in, and even when John said to make myself long between my hips and my ribs, he had to say "you're doing exactly the opposite of what I just told you to do" which made me laugh because I was trying to do it.
So Charlie moved like a dreamboat, good old Mr. Reliable, but I would scrunch so much my shoulder would be pointing into the center of the circle at John.  It was pretty remarkable Charlie could keep going on a round circle at all.
The other interesting thing was that Charlie was carrying his head really high, but also really round.  John said that's ok, as long as his poll is at the highest point.  He said Charlie probably felt really light in my hands (yes) and very easy to transition (yes), but I was surprised why his head was so high.  Normally, he is long and low and flat.  I will have to ask John next time why he held it high.
So John wanted more bend to the inside, by moving the bit around - not pulling but moving.  And then more forward, from asking with my seat, not my legs.
Charlie was very responsive, and it was a nice lesson.  Once I could pick up my stirrups, it felt like we ended too soon, but when I got off, I saw Charlie was sweaty underneath (which he never is when I ride him by myself at home) so clearly he got a workout.
Then I chatted with John about the points, came home and checked the spreadsheet, and realized that yes I had overlooked something - horses and riders in multiple divisions.  So Charlie is not horse of the year - a super duper upper level horse is (also for sale for $65,000, a two star horse who is 13), and I am not rider of the year - Jordan who is on the leaderboard in like five different divisions probably is.  Bummer.  But I'm going to hold out hope that Charlie gets reserve horse of the year.  That would still be pretty cool.
The other interesting thing is that he didn't have a chance of winning it at novice the year we did super well.  Not a snowball's chance.  Pretty much no horse does but the upper level ones.  If I did the math right, first place is 73.x, Charlie was 40.5, and third place was 40.

Breathe a little easier

I had to miss both lessons last week because of cold weather (snow, then ice), so I was eager for tonight's lesson.  John took care of Charlie first, and made sure he didn't get too sweaty so he wouldn't get cold on the ride home, so we quit a little early.  We were going to do the corner, but didn't.
I had my list of questions:
- Why does my back round on the far side of the fence?  It used to round all the way, and has gotten flatter and flatter, so this will probably go away.  Right now, I can only think of so much all the way through.
- Why are Area VII points different than national?  Because Area VII doubles champs and national doesn't.
- Why can't I do the 9' poles at home?  He doesn't know because I ride them fine with him.  Stop overriding them maybe.
- Why is Charlie throwing his head up in the transitions?  Because it's cold and he's stiff and to work him hard enough to get him round would make him all sweaty and John didn't want that tonight, it wasn't worth it.
- Why do I some nights have great lengthening and other nights great lateral?  This seemed like a stupid question but actually was a great one because John said the lengthening is how loose Charlie is in the warm up, and the lateral is how even I am.  So if I'm riding crooked, Charlie won't go as well.  I haven't been able to correlate it with how hard Charlie was worked, but it does - with hindsight - have to do with how hard I worked at the gym the day before, I think!

So we started with some warmup, which I like because it helps me think what I should do at home alone.  He had Charle much more round and forward, and had me do more alternating legs (like outside leg, then inside leg, then both legs), with a bit of bend to the outside.  (Which I don't think I'm doing enough at home.)
Then we did just the line of poles, then John made them longer (12' instead of 9') and Charlie didn't care.  Then we did them the other way, same thing.
Then we did them to a vertical that John quite quickly made into that same behemoth 4' thing.  The good news is (I think) we rode it much cleaner.  He said he wasn't going to tell me good because it would go to my head, but "better".  It felt a lot better than last time, when I felt completely uncoordinated up there.
It made my face grimace, but Charlie tackled it like a champ.
The only thing was he absolutely flat out refused to ever land on the left lead.  It was right - right - right.  John said use outside leg on the way in to the fence (when I was trying to land left) but it didn't make a difference.
John said he's probably a bit stiff on that side (the cold), and his right hind just doesn't want to push as much.  He said use that outside leg to remind him to use it, but not to make too big a deal out of it when it's cold and Charlie's going fine.
It was kind of frustrating because my reins kept getting longer over the line of poles, no matter how much I sucked them up after and how hard I tried not to let them slide.

Meg said she gave Manny a spur rub on the left, which is super interesting because I give Charlie spur rubs on the right, and Charlie hates landing on the left lead and Manny hates landing on the right lead.

I realized last week that what I like so much about John is he accepts me for the way I learn, and adjusts his teaching style to get through to me, instead of demanding that I learn his way.  He's a really, really good instructor.  He's very adaptable for the student/horse combination (and current issues), has good solutions, doesn't provide too much at once, but first and foremost takes care of the horse.  I'm really, really grateful I get to ride with him.

Work on 10 meter circles

Today we talked about fitness (human and horse), exercises I can do at work and home, and then did such hard work on 10 meter circles that now - 6 hours later - my butt is sore.
First, I wanted to know why I got so out of breath in my lessons (and sweaty).  John said he gets sweaty too, and that part of it is because I am using a whole bunch of muscles I don't use when I ride by myself (because it is harder for me to just keep going than to rely on John to tell me what to do next).  In a lot of my lessons, he is telling me to adjust things step by step, and that means muscles are always working.  He also said there's nothing else like riding to work the muscles - running and biking both just lengthen them.  He said the closest is swimming.
For Charlie, he said that yes, once Charlie is fit, he can maintain it with just a little bit of work.  Like how I got him fit for the three day, and then he lasted the next six weeks for the rest of the season without me needing to condition him.  He said it is a lot of work to get a horse up to a full format * fit, but then it is just a couple extra minutes of gallop to get them up to **.  He also said it is much harder now, when people don't have access to places like his where they can just go gallop around the 40 acres, then come back and keep jumping.
But yes, they can get dull, so break up the routine of work with just some walking around and chatting before going back to work.
For fitness, I can do the adductor at the gym, wall squats at work and at home (work up to 20 minutes!), and stairs.  But he said on the stairs to first walk on my heels and stretch out the Achilles Tendon so I don't injure it, then do the stairs with my heel hanging off the back.
He also said that my position is not good at the apex of the jump, but my leg is not swinging, and my approach and landing are good, so it was not as bad as I felt like it was.  (I was sure I was doomed from prelim and we were going to have years of basic work before he'll let me go up a level.)
For Charlie being stiff yesterday, he said yes, the long low work was good, and also add a bit of long low leg yield.  My lower back was probably sore from trying to keep my shoulder blades together, and holding the position over the top of the fence.
So today we did a lot of 10 meter circles, at the trot and canter.  Charlie threw one fit, kind of early on, and it was relatively brief.  This was one of those lessons where John gave me instructions at every step, so it was too much for me to repeat at home, but one big takeaway was to push down with inside seat bone with the canter aids (and then, even on a 10 meter circle, Charlie picked it up instantly).  For the down transition from canter to trot, don't drop my hands and keep my legs on so he doesn't plummet down.  Do NOT let my inside hand get dragged down, keep it up.  To have bend on a small circle, make the inside rein a couple inches shorter; then my hands can be even but I have bend in Charlie's neck.
We did 10 meter circle, shoulder-in on short side, another 10 meter circle, etc.  Then we did the same thing but going down the long side without changing anything and going deep in the corners.  John said we had a nice trot in the circle that used to be our lengthened trot.  Charlie tried to twist his head, so I had to put the inside hand up a lot and hold it there.  We did a lot of the work sitting.
Charlie also tried to bulge out the outside shoulder, and I had to use outside leg to keep him from escaping, but then he'd start moving in, so I had to follow it right away with inside leg.  It was a lot of concentration and a lot of reaction and requests all really fast.  Charlie did great (other than the one little tantrum), and it was - as usual - a great lesson.
John said that I can do work without stirrups also, but to be careful not to start pinching from my knee - to remember that exercise about holding the dollar bill.

Travel times

John says 14 hours to Fresno and there's a stop half way.
20 hours to Galway.

Also, hand on outside of thigh, above knee, replicates the motion your hand does on the rein (at the canter) to feel how much motion there is.

4' is really, really gigantic (which makes me sad)

We jumped this gigantic jump today; the biggest jump I've ever jumped.  I couldn't believe John kept making it bigger and then made it wider.  It was at the end of four poles, 9' apart.  When I measured it, I was sure it was like 4'6", maybe 4'3" if my eye was way off.
It was ONE MEASLY INCH above prelim level.  One inch.  I'm crushed.
Charlie jumped it like a freaking rock star.
I jumped it like an utter moron.  I just stood straight up in the air like Triangle and didn't even do a crest release.  John said that Charlie was rocking way back on his haunches to go over it (because of the 9' ground poles) so I didn't need a crest release the way that I do when he launches over one all flat, but it still felt like I would win a worst position award.  John also asked was I inhibiting him or catching him in the mouth, and I wasn't - I just had all this hang time to be above him, not in a two point.
I struggled with the 9' poles.  It turns out I've been coming around the corner and then barreling at the fence, and John wanted Charlie to back up, not lengthen, to have the power for the fence.  He said it teaches me I don't have to lengthen to get the power, and also lets me have that leg for when I really need it in an emergency.
We started by discussing Charlie's issue from yesterday; he didn't want to do a halt - trot transition without flinging his head up in the air.  When I tried to make him, he'd fling it higher, then run backwards.  So I whomped on him with my heels and beat him with the whip until he went forward, then we'd try again.  John said yes, he was probably just being a brat, but that the easier way to do it is halt - turn on the forehand - then trot off.  And then you can just bend towards a turn on the forehand and trot off.
We did some warm up, and John had me get in a two point with SHORT REINS and then not let them slip while we shot down the long side; then stand up a bit for the short side, then go back down the long side.  This was much harder than it sounds because I really did not want to keep my hands out in front of me.  You have to move your elbows to have hands in front with short reins.  I also got horribly out of breath (and sweaty) which pissed me off with all the bike riding I've been doing.
Then we did the ground poles, once horribly (John said I tried to ride the first one in stride instead of just letting Charlie deal with it and looking to the end).  The rest were fine.
Then he made the vertical at the end bigger and bigger.  We did just a bit of a nice trot in between.
In the ground poles, he asked me to change lead on the third pole, and while Charlie didn't do it successfully, he did try, and John said he liked that Charlie listened and tried.
John said not to think about pushing my hips back because I like to duck, but to think about pulling my shoulder blades together, to try to work on the position.
He said that at home work on keeping that feeling of contact (with short reins) all the time; because it is not just over fences, but on the flat that I am doing it too.  Last lesson I was curling my wrist, and he said the is the right feel, but wrong solution.  I just need a shorter rein.
Finally, we talked about the next horse.  He said that it will be anywhere from $20-100, and that he'd prefer to get a training level horse, ride it a year or two there to get to know it, and then go prelim.  He said he has too many students who buy a 1* and then want to immediately go 1* (so they're not "wasting" it) but it's not what's best for the horse, who has learned to communicate with his (former) rider, and then the new rider doesn't respect the signals
He said, for example, he just looked at one who was 5, could jump 4' without a rider, and then jumped 3' with a rider without getting all wound up.  That's the kind of horse he'd look for.  He also wants to look for one that if it doesn't work out, it can be sold, and I don't get stuck with it.  So I can get it, go training level, and if it's not the horse for me, sell it again and look again.  He also said he doesn't know if Charlie can do a 1*, he's never been fit enough for John to guess whether his legs can withstand the pounding for the distance and speed.
John said his primary concern with letting people go up a level is whether the horse is going to take care of itself.  He doesn't want to let people level up if the horse is just going to smash into the fence.  I like that I can trust him to tell me that.  He said also there will be times when the horse just seems tired or not into it, and then he'll say to scratch a show.  He said it's not worth it to push them at that level when they're not ready to go.
Even though my form was bad, I was impressed by how huge the jump was until I got home, measured it, and totally deflated.  He told me not to measure; he said it was prelim and not to worry about it, but I did it anyway.

Trailer and week 4 (?)

Today the trailer got its twice annual bath; this time at the I-5 truck wash at exit 88.  Thanks to the truck ahead of me, I asked them to clean the inside too, and it came out gorgeous and sparkling.  (For $50)
Then I cleaned under the mats, and much to my dismay, the slight "rust" in the aluminum floor got much worse over the summer.  There is one tiny (not even dime sized) hole and two others forming.  I don't think the trailer is even 4 years old and has been cleaned twice a year (and sprayed with rust protector at least once).
In better news, this week's exercise was three bikes (one outside, about 10 miles, to 14.5, in 50 minutes), one at spin, one for 30 minutes.  Two weights.  And yet I continue to get fatter.

Figure 8 verticals and a corner

We started with some flat work with Brooke.  Mom videoed yesterday, and I noticed Charlie's left lead canter was a bit stilted, with his haunches in down the long side.  Before I even told John, he fixed it by having me bend Charlie to the right both directions.  For the left lead, it was a counter bend, and it shifted his weight so he couldn't keep his haunches in.  But for the right lead, it was to the right to soften his stiff side.  It was interesting how well it worked, but was counterintuitive to what I would have tried to do (a counterbend both directions).
John also had me keep Charlie a bit more active, and that meant a lot more adjustment than I normally do.  For example, he'd have me push him to the outside with the inside leg, then do a half halt with the outside rein with a tap with the whip at the same time, and follow that by closing both legs and asking him to step forward.  We got some really nice trot out of it, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready yet to put all those steps together (or know when to use each one) on my own.
We started with a figure 8, which John gradually raised to be not very big fences.  We had a much harder time with the fence that was a change to the left off of the right lead, even though there was a lot more space to make the turn.  We spent a while making circles each time trying to get the lead, although it wasn't anywhere near as bad as last year.
I had one very pukey jump, and John said that at the last minute, I tried to fix it, but was too close.  He said that at the beginning of the ride, I'm not going to have the flexibility that I do after I've got him going, so I can't make changes at the last second.
We jumped the corner three times.  The first was ok, the second was perfect but we totally knocked it down, and the third was good.  John said not to worry about the knocked down one, it just happens sometimes and there was nothing about the jump he would have changed.
Charlie got quite forward to the fences, and John said the thing he liked the most today was Charlie's willingness to be responsive and to try.  I said it was him being forward, but I think it was the same thing.  I didn't really have to battle him all the way around to just go.
I did need my right heel down more, but in the videos mom and dad took, my form actually looks pretty decent.  My hands and lower leg seem to be pretty still, but there does look like a lot of motion in my upper back, like a vertical see saw going back and forth.
John also had us do some trot lengthening, right in the middle of the fences, which Charlie did absolutely brilliantly.
I asked him why my form last lesson was so bad over the big fence.  He said that Charlie rounds up really high, and I am having to kick him, tighten him, through the combination, so it doesn't really set me up to ride right.  He said because Charlie doesn't knock rails, we don't have to work much on his form, and his bascule is a big pop.  Well, that's the best way I can summarize it.
He also told me not to "curl" my left hand, which when I looked down, I was totally doing.  I think what I need instead are shorter reins.
We also did some haunches in, but I have (surprise) been doing them wrong.  His neck stays bent to the INSIDE, and then haunches come in.  So it is not just sideways, but with a bent neck. For example, if we're going right, his neck is bent right, and then the haunches come in to the right, so his body makes a C shape.  It is not an "I" or lowercase "l" stuck out from the wall, but a curve of his nose towards his tail.

Week 3 of the John Camlin Prelim fitness program

3 days of biking (2 spin; 1 outdoor) - 45 minutes each
Bike is about 4 minutes/mile (so 72 minutes to do 18 miles)
Went to cross road with "103" (102?) on Western Chehalis pulling dogs
Two days of weights (had to travel for work)
3 (?) days of core at home
Rode only 4 days (3 dressage; 1 jump) - no lesson, John in Fresno

Jumping a behemoth

We started today over a stack of three cavaletti, and then John put us straight to work going through the grid.  He then alternated the grid with the corner, from both directions.  If I looked up and over the corner AND counted strides, I could get the right distance (mostly), but if I looked down at it or forgot to count, we'd come in at an odd distance.
John had me put the reins in one hand and the whip in the other, and then smack Charlie and cluck at the same time through the grid twice.  After that, Charlie got a LOT more respectful for the cluck or the whip.  (Although he gave little "screw you" bucks through the grid.  Little ones.)
Then John made the oxer on the end of the grid ginormous.  I asked him at the end how big and he said "not that big" but I think it was over 4'.  (Which probably means it was like 2'9".  Ha ha.)
Charlie jumped like a champ, but my position was pretty bad over the huge grid.  I had to look ahead and watch the back rail from the first corner, or else we drifted.
It was awesome.  We were in the air SO LONG and it was so easy - even with terrible form - to get up and over Charlie's back because there was so much time in the air.  Charlie is so great.

Then we ran through my questions:
- 4 poles on the ground 9' apart, why did Charlie goof it up?  Even if he kicked the one on the end, it was no more than 1' off.  John said the purpose of the exercise is to make it easy for Charlie, and so yes, he "should" be able to adjust that 1', but that's not the point of the exercise.  He said pile some dirt around the base so they don't move so easy.
- 10 meter circle; we spent a lot of time on how I wanted a perfect circle but the measurement wasn't right.  John said to just walk to half way and then go up and down.  He said it is better to work off one cone (in the center) and not make the four.
- Charlie's weight; John said he will tell me if Charlie gets too fat, and if he is cleaning up all his hay, give him more to eat.  I increased it.  He said when Charlie goes into hard work with him (in Dec/Jan), he'll lose 150 pounds that week.  He said Charlie needs the weight to put the muscle on top and that his neck is already starting to fill out a little.  I increased it to 1 1/2 scoops strategy am & pm; 3 flakes Timothy am & pm; and he gets 2 flakes local pm.
- I asked him why my left leg sticks out all the time.  He said it is probably coming from my hip.  He said try to think of clamping the dollar bill - not under my knee, but on the part of my calf that connects to the knee.  He said you can ride without your knees touching (and made me do it at the trot, then in a two point), and in fact, it kind of prevents you from pivoting around your knee when you jump because when you close your leg, it closes the whole leg instead of just the knee.

Charlie got quite sweaty.  I haven't clipped him yet, but hope to tomorrow or over Thanksgiving.

Dressage in draw reins

Jessica hauled out with us and had a jump lesson before our dressage lesson.  When John came out with the draw reins, I assumed they were for her, but lo and behold, they were for me and Charlie.  And good lord they were a good choice.  John wanted to see how Charlie was doing without me having to fight with him about his frame (he told me after the lesson ended) and how Charlie was doing was moving like a dreamboat.  We did 8 meter circles, 10 meter circles, and 12 meter circles, leg yield at the trot and canter, and shoulder-in.  We did "medium" (not lengthened) trot, and Charlie lifted up like a motorboat taking off and just soared down the wall.  He got a lot of "good boys" from me during the lesson.
At the end, John told me that he could tell that when he rode Charlie (around September 3, the lesson before Aspen), I obviously was watching him, watched what he did, and watched how Charlie reacted, and then tried to incorporate it.  Which is true, but I think he is giving me too much credit for doing it successfully.  He said that at the canter, I've been behind the motion - trying to get Charlie to step up or go faster and then - eventually - going forward when Charlie is going backwards and not helping him with his legs.  But he said this time, I figured out the driving forward seat, and was using it properly.  I was glowing with the compliment, even though I felt like I totally didn't deserve it.  I thought it was just dumb luck that Charlie was moving so great during a lesson.
Jessica said after it looked like I had a dressage seat, and I said yeah, that's how it felt.  Like I was riding and thought "oh, this is why dressage riders look like this when they ride."
Next week I have to miss Thursday, so John said we'd jump on Saturday.  I asked didn't I need dressage more than jumping, and he said jumping was the reason the son shone.  I agree completely.
I am so, so, so lucky in life to have a great horse like Charlie and a great trainer like John and the means to be able to go down there and ride with him.  He is such an incredible instructor.

Man, I love being in a jump saddle

We had a jump lesson tonight.  Charlie was his usual fantastic self, after the first trip through the grid which sounded like he just decided to blast straight through as if there were no fences there.
First we did a line of three (?) ground poles that were 9-10' apart.  Then John turned them into a cross rail, then a vertical, and my job was to just stay in my two point and let Charlie figure it out.  I would send him forward on the long side, then look up to my fence, then use my outside leg to balance him, then look up and out to go over the line, regardless of whether it was ground poles or a fence.
The last couple, John said I was drifting to the left (which I could feel) but once he said it, I could focus on it and fix it.  And I did fix it!
That was to the right, so then we did grid work to the left.  This was easier because it was a nice grid - a ground pole, tiny cross rail, pole, vertical, pole, and then a vertical that ultimately became an oxer.
The three takeaways were:
- Keep my back flat; apparently I like to round it over the third fence (I don't know why)
- Keep my head up - keep looking down the line.  Charlie likes to plummet down after the last fence, and it keeps my head from slamming down towards his neck.
- Keep my legs forward.  Instead of rolling forward at the end, make sure to think about my legs being in front of me so they don't flip up after the last fence.
The last few fences we worked on Charlie landing to the left lead.  John put a ground pole out and so I'd land (looking left and with the whip in my right hand) and try to do a flying change over the ground pole.  Charlie didn't, but after a few rounds he voluntarily switched leads by the back door instead of having to go around in a circle.  John thinks he'll get it again as we go back to work.
John said the vertical exercise was a good one to do at home because it makes Charlie think about his feet and keeps me out of the way.
Charlie was soaking wet at the end, so I guess I'm going to have to go ahead and clip him (and he's out of shape).
I forgot to mention from the last lesson that John also suggested using the whip next to my leg, instead of back on his rump, with the leg aid, to intensify it.  He also suggested I try standing up for an hour or so a day, like when I'm reading, as a way to kind of get up and out of my chair but not have to spend an extra hour away from work.
I love lessons with John.  And I got the trailer parked successfully back in its spot, which is what I was the most anxious about.
I felt very - solid and tight - in the jump saddle.  A nice strong sort of feeling.  And John had me start working in a two point, trying to think of the maximum pressure being my upper/lower leg just below the knee - not pinching with the knee, but that spot right below the knee being the primary pressure point.  I was pleasantly surprised with how long it took for my thighs to burn (really my hamstrings), especially after hitting the gym so hard on Tuesday night.

Dressage lesson after Charlie's vacay

I tried to be efficient with personal life and Charlie, but he ended up with a three week vacation instead of a two week vacation.  We saw John a month ago for a great lesson, and I rode Charlie this week to get him ready to go back to work.
First, we went over rider fitness, following up on our last lesson.  For prelim, John says I have to take it up a notch.  Ideally, I'd be running 6 miles 5 days a week by show season, but because of my dumb foot, I've got to bike.  John says I have to do about triple the mileage on the bike for the equivalent of running, so about 80 minutes on the bike at about 80 rpm.  John also had some suggestions for PF treatment, which made me realize I have been ignoring it for far too long (since July) hoping it would go away on its own.  I need to be more proactive because I'd way rather run than ride the bike for hours and hours.
Then we got to work.  He reminded me of the three topline exercises we worked on last year (which I should have looked up on my own; that's the entire purpose of this blog).  One was spiral circles in with a counterbend and leg yield on the way out; one was shoulder-in on a long rein; and now I have forgotten the third.
I told him about Charlie leaping around like a mad man on Thursday when I tried to do a serpentine to the quarter line at the canter, and he said "you started flying changes again didn't you?" and I confessed that I had, and he said just leave them alone for a while and we'll work on them later.  (He also knew Ashley's horse was bucking with the eyes in the back of his head and how she was riding at that moment!)
I told him how Charlie was stiff and heavy on the left rein at the canter, so the first thing we did, when getting ready to canter right, was ask him to pick up the left lead on a right hand 20 meter circle which made Charlie have to spend a lot of time thinking about his legs, so after a few tries, when he didn't get it, and I asked him to pick up the right lead, it was quite lovely.
For the left lead, I asked him to bend his head way to the inside, then would very softly put it back in position.  I'd also lift my hand 8-10 inches up, and then pull back with bicep.
Charlie was great.  The Legend booster he got a few weeks ago really seems to make a difference, so my plan is to do injections twice a year and then 8 boosters.
It didn't feel like we rode that long or that hard, but Charlie was quite sweaty (I haven't clipped him yet), and he has not gotten anywhere near that sweaty on our regular rides at home so I guess I'm not working him hard enough.
It was a great lesson.  I'm so lucky to have John.

Humble pie jump lesson

Meg and I had a jump lesson on Tuesday this week because she and the Caber crew are going to Spokane instead of EI to start the season at the end of the week.  It was a good lesson, but good in the sense that I was learning things the slow, hard, stupid way instead of the naturally talented way.
First, I asked John my series of questions (why is my truck squeaking (ball needed grease), should I worry about Charlie's stifle (no, I will just make myself neurotic; it would swell if the suspensory ligament was rubbing on the end of the bone); did I ride the tall bank correctly (maybe); how do you ride the downhill with a half stride (he didn't know); can I do my lesson next Tuesday (yes)).
Then we rode.
We started with a vertical, but Charlie got a bug in his ear and couldn't handle it and I had to stop and try to get it out, and then we rode anyway, but he spent so much time shaking his head, we kept coming in wrong.  I didn't stop again because I wanted him to learn he had to work even if there was a bug in his ear.  After we did that jump several times, John stopped us and rubbed Charlie's ear for him.  John is apparently a better ear rubber than me.
Then we did an oxer going both directions, and I had some trouble getting Charlie uphill but not strung out (same problem I was having with vertical, although I thought that was because of the ear bug; and spoiler alert, the same problem I had all the way through the lesson).  It was a big oxer.  I think it was at John's belly and I meant to get off and check afterwards but forgot.
Then we did an airy vertical plank on a 4 stride line to an oxer, and angled the oxer.  I could not get the first fence and jumped it like a spazz several times.
From there, we went to a combination with three - a one stride to two stride.  John had me do the plank going the other way, then whip Charlie, then do it again.  That definitely sparked Charlie up.
From there, we did the combination backwards - the oxer - two stride - vertical - one stride - vertical - 5 stride to an oxer.  Both Meg and I flubbed this.  My flub was that we rode this - like two lessons ago and the lesson before that too - and the line is a straight line, then bend - like 1 1/2 strides of straight, not a bend in the air over the final fence of the combination.  John was mad because we both had ridden it, knew the line, and yet neither of us thought to ride it that way.  We just kept riding it as a bending line and coming in at a weird place.
This is where I got really frustrated.  I would have just ridden it with an awkward leap over and over and over again, never stopping to think how it needed to be ridden differently.  As soon as John gave up and reminded me, it rode perfectly.  But I'm mad because it didn't occur to me; and I already knew it.
John said that I need to ride Charlie uphill to the fences, that yes, he needs to be more responsive to my leg (each fence, it felt like we were just running out of steam as we got closer, but John says I am actually charging at each one), but that the fences are getting big enough that Charlie comes in cocky and ready to launch and then is like "oh shit" (my words) and kind of scrambles over it and that's where we get in trouble.  If I bring him in uphill, even if he doesn't have as much forward, he can rock back and get over it.  But if I bring him in forward, he comes in flat and downhill and can't get over it without some histrionics.
We ended with a discussion about clients, how there are some who expect John to fit them in the very next day (same for Meg, same for me) and others who are regular.  I may not be John's most talented student, but I'm nothing if not diligent in planning ahead and trying to keep a regular schedule.
I talked with John about this several lessons ago, but I am sliding back downhill again on the curve of competency, realizing just how much I don't know, but more, when I watch Meg, how much Charlie saves my ass and how must I trust him to do that.  I'm not sure that is making me a better rider, although the fact that I'm able to complain about Charlie taking care of me too much shows that I am truly capable of complaining about anything.
I am quite nervous about the show season.  I really want Charlie and I to rock the region and get ready for prelim.

My nemesis fence was worse in my imagination

As with most (but certainly not all) things, how I imagined the fence that took me and Charlie down last fall was much, much worse in my mind than in real life.  In fact, it was so easy in real life that I went from fear (pooping fear prior to leaving to drive down today) to disgust that such an easy fence knocked us out of 5th place in the champs class and resulted in so much rehab.  It rode easy peasy.
We warmed up over a vertical, and most of Charlie's jumps were pretty good.  Meg and I did a bit of 2 point in our canter warm up, but I stayed pretty light to keep Charlie fresh.
We started with a little log, then an easy ramp to an up ramp bank to an off bank.  Then an A frame with some decent scot's broom on it (so you had to jump on the right, left, or high over the center; I took the right).  Then we did my nemesis.
It was just riding up to it, 4 strides, up the bank, two strides, off the bank.  I was a little scared and stiff so my down bank was just me standing straight up and trying not to hit Charlie in the mouth, but he didn't bat an eye.  John confessed later that he was a bit anxious too, but then saw how easy it was for Charlie.  His additional theory is that Charlie, unlike most horses, accelerates when he comes into a new field.  He said most horses don't, but look around.  He said he saw it at Inavale too, but didn't notice it was consistent until he saw us do it today.  So he expected we came across the culvert, accelerated and just came in too long and fast and got it in 3 1/2 strides instead of 4.  I said that sounded exactly right.
He said he doesn't like for horses to jump cross country too much because they get dull to it, and especially for xc he likes to keep them sharp, but he let me jump it twice because it was obvious the first time that I didn't believe it was really that easy.  It was also nice that John knew I was scared, didn't make a big deal out of it, but worked around it.  He's the greatest instructor.
From there, we went down and did the ditch a few times each way, then the big honkin' ditch with the solid fence and scot's broom.  Just like the last (two) times I rode it, Charlie jumped it like a breeze, and I just had to not think about it and look up.
From there, we went to the water and came in between two fences, off the bank into the water, over the corner, and around a nice table.  Charlie hesitated a second looking at the water but then went on in.
John asked us if we wanted to do anything else and I said "yeah, the pimple" and he said "you know that's a 3' fence on top, right?" and I said "yes" (although I had no idea) and so we had to ride to it very forward, then pull him together, then kick-kick-kick.  At the top, Charlie hesitated, hung in the air, then went down the back side like it was no big thang.  But as we came up the hill, holy christ the fence was huge.  I completely froze, and thank god for sweet Charlie who figured it out, jumped it, and went on his merry way.  It was great to jump something like that with John right there (and telling us the sequence of steps) because it will make the log on the hill at Inavale now seem like nothing.
John said that we are both solid on xc, even if I have a "bewildered" look on my face a lot of the time, and that what he wants us to do next is start stringing the fences together, so that if we have a bit of a downhill after a table, we notice it and think ahead to the next fence and think, "I need to put him a bit together because that is also a bit downhill".
It was a really fun lesson.  I get it, not wanting a horse to get too used to it - John used as an example if we did the pimple 5 times, Charlie would jump it exactly the same each time, but by the 5th time rub it. I wish I had two - one to drill me on, and then one for the shows.

Tough lesson.

It was about 85 today, but it felt very hot.  Charlie was sluggish and didn't want to bend.
He got pretty round, but he had to lose speed to do it.  John said that round and a bit slow is better than fast and strung out for his dressage test.
He was doing the thing where he refuses to bend to the left, so John had us do turn on the forehands, and when he still wouldn't bend, John took my whip to whip Charlie from the ground.  Charlie was so surprised he kicked his own inside leg with his left hind leg and left a nice big gash.
The lesson should have been satisfying because even though Charlie started out stiff as a board and like we were moving through molasses, he ended up pretty nice and round.  But it was frustrating because I was exhausted trying to ride him, and I'm not sure I can accomplish it on my own without John talking me through each step.
I said if I got him round and rode him round consistently, eventually he would add the speed, and John said not necessarily.  He said he had some advanced horses that never really connected (I forget which verb he used) and he just worked around it because they had other strengths.
So what did John do to get him round?
We did some canter serpentines, leg yield, 10 meter circles, and shoulder in.  10 meter circles were both trot and canter.
Every once in a while, I could feel Charlie lift his shoulder and all of a sudden it was all there, but it only lasted a few steps and went away again.  It was like he was saying "I CAN do this.  I am just choosing not to."  I couldn't tell anything I was doing different that made it happen sometimes and not other times.
We also did some work at the sitting trot, including some bigger sitting trot.  As much as I hate this, it doesn't feel quite as horrible as it used to, so I guess that's progress.
John had me shorten my reins, use a steady outside rein, and then ask for bend with inside rein and inside leg.  Sometimes with a leg yield step to the outside.  Once he had me jiggle the rein so that it was out of sync with his strides, and that got Charlie to snap to attention for a second.
I think what is hard is I feel the couple of great steps, but I don't know what makes them happen - they seem to be blind dumb luck.  But I don't really feel the round over the top line (although it is easier to feel at the sitting trot - I can actually sit, vs. when he's strung out and it's like having your back shaken like a rag doll), he just feels slow.  So I need to get that feel in order to know when it's a good slow vs. just a lazy slow.

I fell off. In front of John, Ashley, and Meg.

Other than the falling off, it was a great lesson.  But it was the first time I've ever fallen off in front of John, and I didn't do it gracefully.  I shot off Charlie's left side like a star fish and said "eeeeeee!" the whole way down, like I saw a mouse and was falling towards it.
Matty was being kind of a jerk and kicking out before the fences and then bucking when Meg got after him.  Charlie felt slow, but John said he was fine and I was launching him at the fences for no reason.
We started with a vertical, then did a loop-de-loop figure 8 that was a left lead, right lead, left lead, right lead.  Charlie actually had no problem with his leads.  Then we added an oxer to the left a couple times, then a big loop around to an oxer to the right, back to the oxer to the left, to the right.  Meg rode this first and had some trouble making the right hand turn.  Then I rode it and immediately fell off on the first right hand turn.  After that, it was fine to ride, it was just that first time I thought we needed speed to get over the oxer and that left us too long and flat to be able to make the hard right turn.  John said to stop trying to go faster; I'm going plenty fast.
From there, we did a left hand turn into a one stride, right hand bend to an oxer, left turn to an oxer, back through the one stride.
After that, we added a four stride right hand turn to a vertical at the end.
Charlie rode all of those like a dream boat.  The only thing was he would only get the left lead in the front, and I didn't have time to change the back and wrestle with him, so John told me to just leave it and ride it anyway.  Charlie rode it fine.
John said before I got mad, to realize that last year, he wouldn't even change in the front, so at least there was that.  And he said that Charlie knows now that we want him to change, so just leave it alone for a while.  He said Charlie is smart enough to figure out that it is easier to change when I'm asking him to in the air instead of cross firing around the corners, and that he should just start doing it on his own in a while.  I hope so.
I like riding with Meg because I like to watch her ride the line.  It is easier for me to ride it after I see her do it.  (except when I fall off)  I also like the little tips, like she mentioned how she had to switch to her short crop because she has gotten so used to riding with her dressage whip.  Since I spent all of the Aspen derby whipping my own leg instead of Charlie, it was good to hear it's more of a universal problem and that she switches.  It is also nice to hear what she thinks about her ride on Matty, since I have watched it.  She's a much better rider than me, in knowledge and in form, and I hope that I continue to develop so I'm a better rider in the future too.
And this weather - man.  It is nice stuff to have sun and warmth.

Gallop with some fences

Yesterday's lesson included lots and lots of laps of galloping in the big sand arena, then a couple fences, then some more gallop.  Then a two minute break, then do again.
My conditioning (and running) has not made me a superwoman for galloping at the two point.  Charlie and I were both breathing heavy, streaming sweat, and getting slower and slower (my form got lousier and lousier) as the lesson went on.
All the fences but one were pretty decent.  We did the same lines as last week in our group lesson, but coming off of a gallop until several strides away.  This made me more confident about how to ride them, but I still missed one left hand turn.  Good news is I felt it coming strides away and just didn't react in time - I missed the center of the first fence and it totally threw off the line to the second fence.  A great mistake to feel in a lesson because I can totally see how I will need to be very precise and careful at the show.
One interesting thing was how much farther out John told me to sit up than I would have, and to balance him.
Another was that when I gallop, I kind of throw the reins away.  John had me keep contact and keep him round.  So maybe my gallops haven't been as much of a waste, because I haven't been doing them right anyway.
John also told me to make a single bridge, which is a bridge but just in one hand, and one hand just has a single rein.  That way you don't have to let go of both to use the free hand.  He said he usually holds the double in his outside hand.
He had two comments about my form - flat back not rounded back and heels forward and down.
We had to start turning in the air over the first fence to make the second fence in four strides, but this wasn't as hard as I thought, if I thought about it in time.
Charlie absolutely refused to get the correct lead or change leads.  If I landed going right, he'd land on the left lead, out of spite as best as I could tell.  If I tried to do a flying change, he'd just toss his head up.  If I put him on a circle, he'd just counter canter.  If I broke to a trot, he'd pick up the incorrect lead again.  John was laughing but I was steaming.  Ashley told me before the lessons she untaught Nick his flying changes because they have to counter canter in the dressage test, and he would offer the change. She says she either lands on the correct lead (most of the time) or does a simple change.  That was good to know, except my simple changes at Aspen took too long and we always (except for this lesson) land on the right lead.

Dressage lesson and jump explanation

Photos went up from the Aspen derby, and I have a death grip on poor Charlie's face with my hands basically in my lap and no crest release.  John said most likely, Charlie was slugging around, I was leaning back to try to get him to go forward, and over the course of the course, the reins just got longer and longer to where I couldn't give a crest release.
Then he made a point.  He rode the snot out of me.  And then said at the show, if Charlie is stuck and not moving forward, TRY SOMETHING.  Do a 10 meter circle and then canter, or a leg yield, or a lengthening, or anything, just to break up the monotony of doing the same thing and wishing he would do something else.
He did this by starting us on a 20 meter circle, then we'd go down the long side to another 20 meter circle.  Then we'd do the long side on a shoulder in.  Then we'd ask for the canter (with inside hip).  Then we'd do a long side shoulder in at the canter (!!).  Then we'd do a change of direction and counter canter, and then a flying change.  Then some 10 meter circles at the canter where I turned Charlie using his shoulders, and I could feel the start of a pirouette.  Then sitting trot.  Then lengthened trot at the sitting trot.  Then a bigger trot at the sitting trot using my hips, not my legs.
All of this while he had me control my hands - not flapping hands at the sitting trot, but holding steady hands.  And with outside rein/inside rein/outside rein/inside rein lifted (going to the left, to tilt his head in), and leg aids.  It was one of the lessons where the step-by-step was too much for me to feel it all, BUT, I could feel the change it had, especially when we did a half halt with the outside rein and it made Charlie kind of "square up" and balance through his shoulders instead of falling out.
Charlie had one direction where he got mad and was shaking his head then trying to stop, and I'd kick and whip and he'd just toss his head, so that was kind of frustrating, but other than that, Charlie tried to figure out what I wanted and do it.
It was really, really hard, but John said I need to expect more and ask for more, even if I get the wrong thing, at least I am getting a different thing and not just being content with mediocre.

Aspen derby and jump lesson

Yesterday was the second Aspen derby of the year and today we had a jump lesson.  Charlie was a bit of a slug at the derby; he got a 30.5 in dressage (broke to canter in first trot lengthening), had a run out at the narrow corner the first round jumping, and did fine the second round, but had no go.
So I was worried about his health, and did just at tiny amount of warm up for both dressage and jumping, trying to save him for the jumping and to see how it would affect him today.  We got to John's, I said I waited to warm him up so John could help me as if it was the third day of a three day and Charlie was pooped, and he just trotted out like he was feeling his oats.  It made John laugh and laugh.
At the derby, I don't know what happened with the lengthening, but the jumping was instructive in a humble pie way.  The run out was the same mistake I made like three years ago, it was a long six stride (six strides, then 6') and I jumped the first jump in the wrong place at the wrong angle, then didn't even think to run him long and just got him to the second fence in the wrong spot.
I also had a problem with a rollback turn (on the right lead), the turn itself was fine, but then there were only a few strides to a decent sized oxer, and I didn't have enough power either time, so Charlie had to kind of twist over it.  That one I'm not sure how to fix, but it is progress, I guess, that I know what the problem is.  I didn't fix it between the first round and the second round, but at least I fixed the long six stride, which is something.
The long six stride was a weird angle, and the other riders jumped it making a rollback all the way around and then riding the combination as a bendy line instead of an angled straight line.  What I should have done was walk it both ways; the reason I didn't switch was because I didn't know how it would have walked, and I walked the damn course three times so it would have been easy enough to do once.
Charlie had no problems with any of the other fences, just a general lack of go.
Then in today's lesson, we rode with someone whose name I should know but don't.  She had a black and white paint mare.  We started over some verticals that were down the center line, first going one direction, then the other (just in a 20 meter circle) and then switching directions each time.  The secret here was outside leg.  Whichever leg was the outside of the circle (so if going right, left leg) needed to be active to get the line to the fence right.  I'm pretty sure this is the same thing as the rollback turn …
Then we went outside and rode a 5 stride line that had to be done gently, then the elements of the line with a hard left and hard right turn to a vertical, then a two stride to a bounce.  We had a hard time the first couple times through getting the 5 stride line, but the last time I finally caught on how to come in gentle, and it was no problem.
It was also a relief that Charlie didn't bat an eye at the bounce, although John made me do it again to show me (remind me) to use my outside leg to keep him from drifting to the left (left leg).  And unlike the paint, once he figured out we were turning, he could make the corner.
It was a huge relief that he jumped and was fine.  I was really worried that I shouldn't ride him a third day in a row when he was so tired yesterday, then I realized I'd rather know at home that he can't handle three days of work yet than learn it at a show and disrupt the season.  He did fine, but tomorrow is a rest day and then Tuesday is another lesson, so we'll see how the lesson goes.
May is going to be a busy month and will fly by, and I am looking forward to getting this show season going.
Oh and food.
Charlie is now getting:  flake of timothy and alfalfa am and pm, but if he doesn't eat his am hay, he doesn't get pm.  Full scoop of rolled oats, 1/4 scoop of Purina performance, 1/2 scoop of Senior Active, and 1/2 scoop of rice bran pellets am and pm with about 1-2 quarts of water.  Supplements vary am and pm.  AM is 3/4 cup corn oil, salt, squirt of body builder, and 10 papaya pills (which we are about to quit).  We just used up Red Cell and I didn't get more.  PM is his smartpak, salt, probiotics, papaya, corn oil, and ration plus.
Goal is to get him to:  1 scoop Purina performance, 1 scoop oats; then corn oil and smartpak.  Once he has enough weight on that it is turning to muscle.

Total, unabashed relief at having a lesson

It has been a few weeks since I've had a lesson, and I was going into serious lesson withdrawal.  My list of questions went down one side and onto the other, and I was sure in the three weeks off I had ruined Charlie because of his crazy eye and cross tie antics.  I had not.
John patiently went through my list of questions.
First, he said that Charlie is gaining weight, and yes, it is in his neck.  (And yes, his coat is shiny and glossy and he has a sparkle in his eye, but the glossy coat is from the corn oil.)  They gain easiest in their neck, and then their butt, and then they will start to convert it to muscle on the top line and in his leg.  John said he could see a bit of weight in his butt rounding out too, but he wasn't worried that it hadn't instantly made him a beautiful top line.  He said this is just three weeks on this diet, and so if he still doesn't have a top line in four more weeks, then he can come to Caber for a few weeks of work, but John thinks that I am riding him properly and he just needed enough fat to convert to muscle before we can start to see him building the muscle up.
His theory is Charlie probably was a bit sick from the surgery, and it just took a few months to catch up with him, and now it is going to take a few months to turn it around.  He was not worried that Charlie wouldn't be able to handle Rebecca (in more than 8 weeks).
BUT, John did say to go ahead and cut out the rice bran pellets when I'm done with the bag, since they are about 50% fat, and that is basically what the senior active is.  He said Charlie doesn't need both.  And he said to be very careful with the water in his grain.  He said if Charlie doesn't eat all of it, especially when it is warm, it ferments very quickly (within a couple hours), so do not forget it in his stall and go to work or leave it overnight.
He doesn't think is it the senior, but the amino acids in the body builder that gave Charlie his crazy eye.
Second, for the little nicks on his right hind foot, John said there is a pastern ring he can wear.  He said bell boots have the potential to cause more problems, because they get wet, rub sores, etc.
Third, for his show tack, they have little loops I can buy for his flash, and John will try some of his bits over the next few lessons so I don't have to buy 30 bits.  He said that we might not need a different bit, because it was to get Charlie off from lugging on my hand, which the new diet might do anyway.
Fourth, he said if Charlie can only go 30 minutes, it is probably because that is how much sugar he has, then he hits the wall, and where a horse with fat could pull on the fat to keep going, Charlie doesn't have enough fat right now.  He said he'll probably be ok for a show, because I only ride him 6 minutes, and so long as I time my warm up to not be over 20 minutes, Charlie should be ok.  I said I was worried he would be wild at the show, and John said that was fine, I could ride it now, and anyway, it would be preferable to Charlie lugging around and us trying to get him jazzed up for 30 minutes in the warm up.
Then we rode, and Charlie just floated around like he loved working.  At the end, John gave him a big pat and a kiss.
We did some 20 meter circles and then 10 meter circles and then into the canter back to a 20 meter circle.  Then we did a bunch of leg yields, and some canter, across the diagonal, then on the rail back to trot.  Then some 10 meter half circles at H or M back to the rail and then pick up the canter.  Then some 3 loop serpentines but only for half the arena (which took me like five tries to figure out how to get the shapes right).
The big takeaway is inside leg is at the girth UNTIL I want to use it to push his haunches out, then it slides back.  John showed me at the girth (which I have a bit of an open knee) and then behind the girth to push his haunches out.  He said if I use behind the girth as my go aid, Charlie can't know the difference between go and move your haunches over.  He said "don't make it too complicated" which is exactly what I was doing with a prior lesson where he had me keep my outside leg on the girth but use my inside leg back.  I was trying to do that all the time instead of just doing it when I needed to push his haunches out.
For the leg yield, it is to bend him (but I always forget which way - the way we are going?) and THEN ask for the leg yield and THEN use the outside hand to keep his shoulder from popping out.  And it is outside hand, not inside, no matter how much I want to use inside.
On the circles, it was some more work on bending him but then using inside leg to outside hand - thinking outside hand like a side rein pushed against his withers - to keep him round.
Charlie got quite sweaty, but was nice and forward the whole time, and it was really nice that John could see him moving so well, that I didn't ruin him, and that we are still progressing.  John feels like once we get the weight back on, Charlie is really going to be going well.
But sadly, I just went to check which California event has the P 3 day, and it isn't there anymore.  :(  I was going to try to double up the T 3 day this year so the second one in CA would be the practice run for the P 3 day two years from now.
I feel like about a million pounds is off my shoulders now that I can check in with John and didn't have to keep worrying I was making a mistake with Charlie.  Which is an interesting life observation, since that's how I feel about work too...

Hocks, stifles, bloodwork, and an adjustment

Charlie got his hocks and stifles injected today by Dr. Revenaugh, who also did blood work to rule out any low grade pneumonia.  He said that Charlie's symptoms (weight loss, low energy, picking at his food) were consistent with a low-grade infection, which can happen when they're on the surgery table for a while.  But Charlie, ever the cryptic, did not have anything in the first blood draw, and did not have any congestion in his lungs or trachea before or after exercise.
He was "wobbly" in the right stifle, and has some muscle loss on the stifle (as well as his back) so we injected the stifles as well as the hocks just to be safe.
Dr. R said it can be a bit of a chicken and egg problem (my words) when they've had a long rest; they don't have the muscles to do the work, but need to do the work to get the muscles back.  He said after the 5 days of stall rest and 7 days of light work, to really put Charlie back to work and make him come underneath himself.  He also agreed that if there had been any soft tissue damage in the crash, the original stall rest should have healed it, but he said they can have front end lameness and some arthritis after they spend a lot of time in the stall.

Then Dr. Salewski stopped by and gave Charlie an adjustment.  He said that he was a bit out in the poll, and he had a rib on the right out which would explain his nipping at his right side (which I thought was worms or ulcers).  He said he couldn't feel anything that would indicate that Charlie had any ulcers.  However, his right hip (my term) was really, really out.  He expected that Charlie giving in that hip will make a huge difference, and he also thought it could have come from Charlie's crash.
He said he has only been coming to Washington a barn in Redmond and a group of dogs in Auburn, and then going back to Oregon.  He doesn't like leaving his kids for those long days, but sometimes he combines a trip with socializing, and will try to let me know when he does that.  I told him I'd be happy to coordinate other Olympia people (thinking of Anne and Hillary in particular) or that if the Redmond barn would let me haul in, I'd be happy to meet him up there on his trips.

Dressage - right hand at the withers

Tonight, after a bit of head shaking resistance, Charlie caved and decided it was just easier to bend around my leg at the canter.  We ended up with some very nice transitions, in addition to nice canter and trot work.
This made it a bit easier for me to use my seat to push him bigger (down and forward at the canter; a bigger "bounce" at the trot).
However, while we got nice work out of him, it was one of those lessons where I needed a lot of step-by-step instruction from John, and I'm not sure I can repeat it at home.  He said that I should definitely try - especially the putting my outside hand against his withers so he can't pull me forward out of the saddle, and then ask him with the inside hand to bend.
We did similar work to the prior lessons, with trot and canter bent and counter bent, then on 10 meter circles, and Charlie worked much better - the increased food is making him easier to ride because he's much peppier - but it is still just a bit out of my grasp.  I can feel it working, and today I had a miraculous feeling of his outside - I could feel his haunches coming out (for the first time I think!) and I could feel his shoulders just a bit sooner than normal too, but I couldn't feel them until it had already happened, not before to prevent it.
I also had a whine about how I wasn't really that good compared to other training level riders.  John said everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but to note that when he gives me a new exercise, I learn it, so I am still able to absorb and grow, that I've never seen a lot of the exercises he's giving me, and that I didn't start with a good foundation.  He said my big weakness over fences is that I have the forward and go, and then I hesitate and wonder if I should mess with it, instead of just going forward with it.  He pointed out I rode Calo and that Charlie hasn't been able to unseat me with his antics, and then noted the irony of me complaining because my horse is too reliable.
Charlie sees Dr. R and Dr. S on Monday, and I hope that clears up whatever is left of his kinks so that we can really buckle down, get him fat and sassy, and get ready for the show season.

Craz-ee 8s

Tonight was a lesson with Meg.  John started out while Meg started her warm up by reviewing Charlie's diet.  Since Charlie is loving the oil but still not drinking, John suggested more oats (another 1/2 scoop am and pm and a scoop at lunch if I can), more oil (3/4 cup twice a day), and adding molasses to one of his buckets to see if it will make him drink.  If not, start adding salt to his grain.  John said we can't go to a show and have him not eat.
But, he did agree that Charlie had some extra spring in his step, which I first noticed two days ago but was really obvious yesterday and again today.
He started us both on the flat, and said Charlie needed to be more round and then a bit more bend to the inside.  When I got him both round and bent, then John wanted me to go forward.  I thought Charlie had his own oomph (although it helped John was standing there with a lunge whip), and that also made him feel softer in his jaw to me.
We started with a little vertical, then a 5 stride line, then the same line from the other direction.  We switched direction over the plank wall, and then John went to the craze-ee 8.  It was an oxer in the center of the ring, jumped at an angle, on an angled line (2 strides) to a vertical; then a right hand turn back to the oxer with an angled line to another vertical; then a left hand turn, etc.
I thought angle to angle wouldn't be so bad, but you had to really ride from the outside rein, but forward, but not flat, and get the angle just right to get the whole thing right.  I'm pretty sure I said "EEP" over every fence the first time through.
Then Meg did it, flawlessly, and it really helped my eye see the lines better for the next time.
I would come into the second half (going from right back to left) and half halt, then hesitate, then it was too late, and Charlie would have to spring over it.  John said I have to commit all the way, and to sit up to it.
It was one of those elegant exercises that looks simple but is quite technical (for me) and at the same time, kind of sketchy and then rewarding that we did it.  I did not like angling over the oxer at such an extreme angle, but Charlie didn't mind at all.
I had a nice conversation with Meg afterwards about her former horses and how she has been working with Matty.  He's got some opinions, unlike solid reliable Charlie, who just jumps whatever he's pointed at.  Meg also recommended following Denny Emerson on Facebook and William Steinkraus's book.

Different dressage bit and almost squished John

On Saturday, we had a dressage lesson.  My dad was in town and that evening was Anna's fundraiser, so it was a bit early.
John had a different bit for me to try, and it did help soften Charlie a bit.  He suggested it might be a good bit for shows only.
I'm a day late, but we worked on some 10 meter circles with Charlie bending at the poll (?).  He really didn't want to (especially to the left) so eventually John got out the lunge whip and would cluck (or ask me to) and then give the whip a crack.  Charlie got VERY responsive to John's clucking, but mine was less effective.  It was nice though, because once he was bent and moving forward he felt lovely.  John said we're just a little bit away from really having him going nice.  I am hoping that his hock injections and the chiropractic appointment are really going to help with that.
One of our 10 meter circles though, I couldn't decide whether to go inside John or outside him, and Charlie had to screech to a halt because I just split the baby and headed straight at him.  I've come close before, but this was the worst almost-run-over-the-trainer.
We worked on the circle for a while, then we went large and worked on a counter bend around the short side, then a lengthen on the long side, then counter bend again.  Then we did a bit of leg yield back and forth.
We also did some figure 8's (sort of) at the canter, so that Charlie would counter canter.  Going to the left, he liked to use it as an excuse to break to the trot and then pick up the right lead.  These were a little more challenging than I would have expected.
At the end, John had us doing some circles that were way out of my league without him - where he would direct me almost every step - like right leg forward, left hand up, release right hand, release left hand, right leg again - but it got Charlie pretty nice and round.  I am always amazed when he does those - not just how fast he can see and process, but that he knows just what Charlie needs and which leg needs to do it and how.
It was a good lesson, although I can't repeat it at home, because it helped me feel the next level of movement and coordination we're moving towards, and that Charlie can do it if I am consistent enough with my aids.

My form and tight tick Charlie

Today's jump lesson was focused on my form, but John was very pleasantly surprised when he made an oxer just a bit bigger and all of a sudden, Charlie started jumping over it snapping his knees up to get his feet out of the way.  I've never felt him do that before - and then I had the great experience of getting to feel it a few more times - and it was similar to rounding and making a bascule, with lifted shoulders that kind of popped up.  John thinks it is because we used the elevator bit last week, and Charlie kind of caught on that he could approach a fence a bit forward but not on his front end.  After the first time, John had me halt and make a big fuss over him, and I didn't even know what it was!
The main take away I took from my form was that after the fence, I need to think heels down.  I also had my hands too high at the start, but that seemed to resolve itself.  I have to think about pushing them down and forward while I'm in the air, otherwise, they swing back a bit.  The other thing was to keep him going after a fence, and to look soon at where I'm going.
I had a couple good fences, and a couple corrections that I caught and made, but I'm still not reacting far enough ahead.  John said that a couple strides out I'll see the distance is wrong and do something about it, but if I could see it 4 or 5 strides out, I could do a half halt and fix it back there.  But the few that we rode well felt wonderful.
I also had a laundry list of questions for John, from his new shoeing (he has lines next to the nail holes and I was horrified his foot was going to fall off, but John said it is just a farrier style to set the nail head in), noted his dehydration (John agreed, but said that if his poop isn't crumbling and he's still drinking, not to worry about it, but to move his oat-water-bucket further away from his food), Charlie's diet (John thinks Charlie looks wormy and has no fat, so he suggested 1 cup of corn (or canola) oil a day, switch his whole oats to crimped or rolled, and add rice bran pellets), and whether I should ride prelim at the next Aspen derby (no, because it isn't the height but the technical precision, and we haven't been working on that so it won't do me any good to go there and be surprised by some two stride bendy line to a skinny, plus we need to work on narrows at home).
He said that we should do the elevator bit about once every three rides, agreed with me that Charlie had springier feet but was still stiff in his jaw, and said that if we focus on my form when Meg isn't there, it should help me get better with my distances.
It was a great lesson, but I'm too tired to repeat everything else in detail - these were just the very high points.

An elevator bit and the "stupid" phase

Charlie was very, very stiff in his neck today, so John went and got one of his bridles with an elevator bit on it.  Charlie did not care for it, thank you very much.  He did a lot of head shaking, including shaking his head so vigorously, that he'd have to stop moving his legs so he could better shake his head.  I did a lot of kicking and smacking with John's whip (which he was probably sorry he had me try today) and John did a lot of growling.  We jumped one little vertical from a stand still and had a couple of circles to avoid stops, but after a while, Charlie gave up and just went with the new bit.
And then his head was SO light.  I could turn and I didn't have to crank him around my leg and he landed on the correct lead almost every time, and he wasn't pulling me down and forward.  It was kind of a miracle.
So we only jumped a couple little jumps, but I started getting mad because I could see the distance but not make it.  We did a deer jump over the oxer once, and John said I had to commit, that I couldn't just stare at it and wait for something to happen - I had to decide whether to go long or go in another stride and then follow through.
So I expressed my frustration with being able to see the distances but still not get them, and he said that's because I was in Phase 3 (of 4, thank goodness) the "stupid" phase.  He said phase 1 is ignorance - just happy having a good time.  Phase 2 is knowing a little bit, but still being pretty good.  Then Phase 3 is knowing and not being able to implement, and it is totally frustrating.  He said both for jumping and for particularly sitting the trot, you work at it and work at it and work at it and nothing happens.  Then one day you realize you are sitting the trot, or hitting all your distances the way you want, and that is it, you just got it.  And then Phase 4 you are good.  He said that he has 4-5 Phase 3s on each horse per year, where he just can't get the distance, but the way he usually corrects it is to jump a fence at an angle, which helps him reset his eye.
We also talked about exercises on the ground, like doing a 4, 5, or 6 line in between two fences, or counting down.  He feels that "1-2-3-4" is the best way to count (and that yes, in xc you should go the same speed the whole time.  He knows someone who counts all the strides and then counts between each fence - even if it's 80 strides), because you can't say "1-2-3-4" fast like you can "1-2-1-2" and change the rhythm.  He was taught 1-2-3-jump, but doesn't like it as much because a lot of people launch at 3 to make the jump instead of getting to the right place.
Then we talked about chiropractors and farriers and Pony Club, and John described the difference between an average horse and Charlie, where the average horse will step on a pole and pretend like nothing happened, but Charlie says "oh no, look at what my crazy leg is doing over there - it's out of control" and just goes all wonky with his legs, and always has.