Charlie's show jumping round

We had a rail down, which kept us in 12th, but I'm still considering the day a success because I could feel the rail coming, and *** I knew what to do to correct it!  I didn't do it in time, or successfully, but not only could I tell what was coming, I knew how to react.  So if I had just been a little faster or a little better at the correction, the rail wouldn't have gone down.  In theory.
That's huge progress from last year!

I'm a sore loser, but I like learning lessons

I rode like crap yesterday during our dressage test at Caber.  I was pissy most of the day - although trying hard not to be - because I couldn't figure out what went wrong.  I get it that I make all kinds of mistakes, and I am still blissfully ignorant of most of them, but usually, when I flop terribly, I have an idea why.  Yesterday was a total blank, and because it was such a big jump from our status quo so far, I wanted it to be blindingly obvious why.
The day started at 4:30 am, which contributed to the pissiness, but not the flop.  On the way there, through a random bit of conversation, I realized I learned the wrong dressage test.  Ok, not the end of the world, although I also forgot my USEA book, because I had ridden it once before.  I could remember the first three movements, but that was it.  So I wandered around the show grounds until I found a rider nice enough to let me borrow her book.  I refreshed my memory of the test, and then ran it through my head several times - but I had trouble focusing on the movements the way I had been doing on the other test.  Then - lo and behold, Shannon and I both read the schedule wrong, and realized we were there all day, not just half a day.  So then I tried to get through to work, feeling like a total ass, because I had promised them I'd be in towards the end of the day.  Caber barely gets a cell signal, so I was on top of Shannon's truck trying to get an email to send to them because I couldn't get the call to go through.
And then it was time to ride.  And I just couldn't focus.
The test wasn't that bad overall - it was just one big flub of a mistake really that ruined us.  I picked up the incorrect lead on the first canter, and then did a perfect counter canter the entire next three movements.  It really was a divine counter canter - perfectly balanced.  I had no idea we were on the wrong lead.  It was not an A+ test on the other movements, but I felt pretty good about it because I could feel the little issues and could work on fixing them during the test, which is huge progress from last year.
But that wrong lead tanked me.
Then today I started having trouble focusing again.  I thought today was going to feel like a cake walk because now that I was very very close to the bottom of the pack, all the pressure was off not making a mistake.  Who cares if you make a mistake if you're already losing?
But no, I couldn't focus again, and we even had a run out over the tiny log in the warm up.
And that's when the light bulb went off and it all became worth it.  I was trying to figure out what was the difference between the derby a couple weeks ago and this show.  I have Shannon with me, so I should be doing even better, but instead, I'm riding much worse.  And then something Shannon said yesterday finally became clear - it's all the people.  The derby was relatively low key and I was alone most of the time.  The recognized show is intense - we had people almost run into us - like a couple inches away - twice in the warm up.
And let's say I have 5 units of concentration - at the recognized show I spend about 3 of them - maybe 4 - watching the other riders and stuff going on, even if I'm trying to just ride and listen to Shannon.  Shannon's voice gets through, but it's like I can't get all cylinders firing.
So I wanted to try two things - one is focus on just three things to think about when I'm competing.  Today it was "heels down, turn from the outside rein, and ride like stink".  I think my heels did ok (you can see on video), we did better than if I hadn't been thinking about turning from the outside rein, and I took "stink" to mean super fast, which was not quite what Shannon meant, but was really fun.
And the other thing I want to try is when I feel overwhelmed, Shannon said first just let her know and we can walk until there's a break, and then we'll warm up in the breaks - those weird moments where there's only a few other riders in, and just walk when it's 10-15 of them.
Of course, what I want is now that I identified what is maybe the problem, for the whole thing to just instantly be solved.
Oh, and three - I'm going to take a few moments before each ride and channel the same energy I use when I'm in court and use that in the arena.  It's bravado, I think, and I fake it in court even when I don't feel it.
I'm really disappointed in myself, but it will have been totally worth it if we made another step forward in me actually learning how to ride.
And plus, Charlie loves cross country.  It is so awesome how he perks up and just loves doing it.  He's so amazing.

Charlie the slightly slowed down lightning bolt

Charlie the lightning bolt

Jumping with John; Flatwork with Erin

Erin started my lesson today with some flat work, and having a new person saying the same thing was just what I needed.  I noticed the two rides before this one that my legs felt more drapey, but I can't figure out if it is the pilates I'm doing with the Beth Glosten video, or just (FINALLY) all of the concentrating on my legs clicking into place, so I was really curious how it would look to John and in a jump saddle.
What made it nice was we could focus on the next layer of the onion - which is keeping the outside hand steady with the contact, so that I can bend Charlie on the inside into the outside rein, which then helps him lift up.  The other thing Erin said, when Charlie was lugging around, was "off-on-off-on" with my legs, which is a helpful way for me to think about it, because my natural tendency is to "squeeze-squeeze harder-squeeze-squeeze harder". 
The other thing we worked on was being clear with the aids for the transitions - do a half halt with the outside rein, then add inside leg, then add outside leg.  When I do them clearly and in steps like that, Charlie leaps up into the canter, instead of tossing his head and falling forward into it.
Then John started with one of the same ideas - hold that outside contact steady, do a leg yield off the inside leg - have the proper bend - and THEN ask for impulsion in the trot.  This way, visually (sort of), Charlie's withers are the high point, and the front of them sort of tips down while the back lifts up.  I can feel this when it's right, but it is harder for me to get all on my own.

Then we worked up to a little course, and although it was nowhere near perfect, it was wonderful because - for the second time - I felt some of the things John and Shannon have been telling me click.  And not just click, but click in time for me to do something about it.  And not just do something - know what to do!  It was amazing!  Like a couple lessons ago when all of a sudden I could feel my hands pulling a few strides out from the fence, and once I could feel it, I could stop doing it, and I had the immediate gratification of as soon as I stopped doing it, it cleaned up the lines and made them perfect distances.  This was similar - I could feel a few strides out what needed to be fixed, and I could at least start fixing it - even if I wasn't fast enough to fix it all the way.  John commented on it too - that instead of sitting up there passive, I am finally reacting.

We also talked about next year and some of the upcoming shows, and John is going to make me a five week training schedule to get ready for NWEC.  Then I watched someone's youtube video of their training level course in the spring and thought there's no way even with five weeks, or maybe even all next year, I'll be ready!  I know Charlie can do it, but man - what a step up.  Not on the height, but on the ... technical side?  The fences are closer together, there are more turns, and more combinations and it's faster. 

Also, I need trailer driving lessons.  Mark had to get me out from between the fence and ditches.  I didn't fit through the fence, and then was unable to back out the way I came.  It was mortifying.

Day 2 with Major Beale

Today we did some crazy collected canter that neither I nor Charlie had any idea he could do!  We worked hard the entire lesson, but the only thing I can remember, just a few hours later, is how bouncy that canter was.  It was basically like Charlie was a carousel horse, going up and down on his pole.  We alternated it with some medium canter, and Charlie made it clear that he prefers doing one or the other, once he figures out what you want, but not switching all willy nilly back and forth.  He got tired towards the end, and started using any excuse he could to break to trot.
And I gave him lots of excuses because what we worked on was trying to time the transition from canter to be on the "1" beat (first hind leg underneath) so that he could step right into walk.  It was really cool, because like yesterday, what is amazing when he starts to engage his hind end is how much better I can feel everything (in addition to him being easier to ride), but I can feel the 1-2-3-hang of the canter so I know when the "1" is.  The problem is I'm thinking 1-2-3-hang and so even if I give the aid at "hang", by the time my brain thinks it and translates it down to my leg, we're already at 2 or even 3 and the aid is at the wrong time.
The other mistake I make is that I still throw my hands forward right when he does the down transition, so he stumbles into a trot instead of easing into a walk.  That one is "easy" to fix (although I haven't fixed it yet, despite Shannon telling me I do it probably two years ago), because I just have to think about planting my hands when I ask for the transition and give them some of my attention so that they stay planted, until I reverse that muscle memory.
It was so amazing, though, to be able to ride that, and to have asked for it and gotten it by myself! 
We also did some half pass at the trot (half pass is a leg yield but with their head bent in the direction of travel - so if you are turning up the center line and half passing right, the bend is to the right), and ended with some shoulder in at the trot.
I think I forgot to mention that when we worked on lengthening yesterday, you have to give a little bit so he can stretch over the topline.  I used to do that, but I was throwing my hands away, so then I quit moving them at all, and a happy medium is much better.  Too much forward and he gets unbalanced and rushing, too tight and he can't lengthen.
It was really fun and useful, and I hope to make more progress before he comes back in October.

Day 1 with Major Beale

Charlie has had a bit of a cough and was a little cranky yesterday, so I wasn't sure what to expect in today's first clinic ride with Major Beale.  Well, a sick Charlie is a perfect Charlie, as it turns out.
We did four major exercises.  First, we worked started on a 20 meter circle (at the trot), then gradually brought it down to about 12 meters, and then did haunches out on the circle, brought it back out to 20 meters, and transitioned to canter.  The amazing part about this was when I could feel Charlie's hind legs start to cross underneath - it made his shoulders lighten and poof up, and it made for a delightful transition up into canter.
Then we worked on crisp transitions with just a few steps of each in between.  This is the type of "jazzing up" that Charlie needs to get attentive and responsive to the aids, and it made a huge improvement in the other gaits.  At the walk, Charlie should feel ready to spring into canter, but this is done with some leg and whip, but NOT the seat.  It was hard to not want to grind into his back with my seat, but Major Beale pointed out if I want him to lift his back, why would he do it when I'm smashing into him?
Our third exercise was, after some shoulder in, looking at my lower leg.  Major Beale took my leg and put it in the right spot so I could feel it - because at the shoulder in, I am swinging the inside leg way, way back (knee is a pivot, spur is basically at the saddle pad), and so the little hoppity skip I felt in shoulder in was not Charlie trying to do a lead change, but Charlie saying "holy crap that tickles".
We also worked on draping my lower leg, wrapping the heel around, and keeping my toe light in the stirrup (he actually put his finger between my toe and the stirrup - I was terrified I was going to smash it), which has the secondary benefit of not letting my knee swing open.  The problem here is I get tense and then make my thighs tense, and everything goes haywire.  This will be a good thing to practice until he is back in October.
Our final exercise was shoulder in at the canter, which is crazy hard.  I have no idea why shoulder in at the trot is easier, but now that I have tried shoulder in at the canter, I now appreciate only doing a shoulder in at the trot.  Here, again, my inside leg was trying to swing way back, and I also tended to overbend his neck instead of actually doing the shoulder in.  But again, when we got it correctly, I could FEEL his shoulders lift up underneath me.
It was another really great lesson.  Because Charlie and I had our A game going, we were able to start doing some new things that I've never tried before.  As we were warming up, Major Beale said the big thing missing is putting Charlie together, and those "jazzing" exercises did that, so that's something I can definitely work more on between clinics.  The shoulder-in at the canter was a bit advanced - I'm not sure I'd want to try it and perfect doing it incorrectly before he comes back next.

Three for one special (post): pilates, dressage, and jumping & special bonus - Crystal Gallo

Saturday morning I went to Redmond for my first session with Beth Glosten, the specialist in rider pilates.  It was totally worth it!  Because I was there sans Charlie, we got to focus on my posture instead of trying to ride at the same time.  (At the end of August, I will ride Charlie with her, so I wanted to see her first without him.)  She first checked out my movement on my own, and then gave me some exercises to do for my specific issues.  What was really, really useful about this was for someone to watch me, and then tell me how to do it correctly.  While I've done yoga and dabbled in pilates, I am very good at moving the wrong way, but feeling like I'm doing the position, until someone moves me a centimeter to the right.  Now I'll be able to practice doing it properly instead of fumbling in the dark, trying to figure it out on my own.
It also helped understand some of my quirks, and using a biomechanic explanation not only was useful for just another way of describing the same thing my other trainers have seen, but to see it explained for my body, kind of helped the light go off.
The same old stuff showed up, but now I have some tools to work on it at home too, so I'm really excited.

Then Saturday afternoon I had a dressage lesson with Shannon.  It was really good because finally the light bulb went off about haunches in.  Just like the pilates - another thing I have been practicing incorrectly!  I am very good at doing a leg yield, but have not been doing haunches in.  What makes it haunches in is a feeling of being a "joint" that Charlie bends around.  So if you're doing haunches in to the left, then your left leg acts as the pivot, staying on his side but only giving an aid to keep him moving forward.  Then your right leg bends his haunches AROUND the left leg, so his front legs stay on the track but his back legs twist.  When you get it right, it feels twisted - not moving sideways like a leg yield, but the best way I can describe it is that joint in his back is under your seat.  Then doing this on a 10 meter circle is so hard it makes my tongue stick out.  But when we did it, it engaged his hind leg and then he would bounce out with that underneath impulsion which feels amazing.
The other really useful (but simple) part of the lesson was to think about keeping my toes pointed in.  This helps keep my heels down and from digging into his side at every stride.

Then today we jumped, and the big challenge was getting Charlie moving forward off my legs.  He was sluggish and finally we had to go tearing around in a gallop to get him going.  He perked up as soon as the fences got a little harder, and then jumped like a rock star.  When his canter wasn't big enough, I still have a hard time deciding whether to launch it or if we can fit in one more stride, but when we do that last squished in stride, he jumps up and round and it's so much nicer than the flat launch.
Just like dressage, trying to get him going is actually shooting myself in the foot because I dig in, then dig in harder, so he ignores my aid, then ignores it harder.  So I have GOT to break that habit so I can start moving him off my leg.

 Crystal Gallo was Charlie's dam.  If anyone has one of her mares, would you send a comment to me?

Chehalis Valley Pony Club Derby at Caber Farm

Charlie is the best horse in the entire universe.

Eureka!

Yesterday in our lesson with John I had one of those light bulb moments.  We were warming up over a figure 8 exercise - a cross rail to a vertical to either the left or right.  Maybe the second time on the right line, I suddenly FELT (!!) my hands pulling the last few strides to the fence, even as my legs were kicking.  And then, because I felt it, I could stop doing it.  From that point forward (on that exercise), every line rode a perfect 5 strides, smooth as silk.
It took a long time - I don't even want to think about how long - and we've figured out work-arounds, like planting my hands in his neck, but I FELT it, and then immediately felt how much the correction improved everything.  It was like the skies opened up and angels sang.
Then John did his usual progression up to an exercise I would have thought impossible if we'd started with it, and I had to think a lot more so things weren't as genius.
But that's the genius part.  First, I love how he gradually increases each lesson and how well balanced they are.  But second, I realized as the lesson progressed, that I have so much more time to think than I used to.  Everything used to feel like it was happening so fast, and now, I can not only feel what needs to be corrected, but sometimes even still have time to correct it, in what used to be a mad rush between fences.  We're not going any faster, I think I've just gotten a tiny bit better about feeling, but a whole lot better educated and of course, way more comfortable and trusting of Charlie than I ever was on anyone else.
Have I mentioned lately what an amazing heart Charlie has?  He's so dreamy.
Of course, there's still tons to learn, which I dramatically proved, in case anyone had any doubts, by riding an entire loop on the wrong lead (John counted - 17 strides), but the difference between this year and last year was I knew I was on the wrong lead, but made a decision not to correct it.  It was the wrong decision, but it was a good mistake to make in front of John because he explained why.  First, we're there to school, not to ride a show, so fix mistakes so that me and Charlie learn from them.  And second, 17 strides is eternity, not a flash in the pan.  There are sometimes you wouldn't fix a lead - like in between fences on a line, or around a really hard corner without much space - but a 17 stride corner was not that.
Then I proceeded to screw up the last exercise, which was another golden learning opportunity.  Charlie lands on the right lead like 90% of the time, even if I'm looking left and thinking left over the fence.  Part of this - ok, maybe most of that - is me.  I am still squeezing with the right hand and right leg, even in the air.  But he's a little bit inclined that way anyway.  Which - see last lesson - makes it all the more critical to work on when we school.  So we did this fan, left U turn, oxer - and I could NOT get him to land on the left lead, or to change leads.  Again, it felt too tight so I wasn't committing, but I was also trying to cram it into one stride (because it felt tight).  The take away was that - it's important to make him do it even if it's ugly, there's a lot more space in there than I think, and a  lot more time, AND that even just the act of trying rocks him back on his haunches and gets him set up for a much nicer fence.
The other thing I heard John saying to Shannon was the importance not just of sitting up and balancing and half halting around the corner, but to keep your leg on, otherwise, what's the point of doing all that (that latter half is mine) if you're just going to kick the horse forward and get it all strung out again.  And I realized that's what I've been doing.  I focus so much on the "collection" (not used the way a dressage rider would) that I lose the impulsion.
So one of my at home exercises is to work on making those canter transitions snappy and efficient.
The other benefit to sharing a lesson with Shannon is not only do I get to watch her working with a green horse which is really educational, but she can also tell me what she sees afterwards.  She said I'm still really digging in my heels all the way around, so we really need to keep working on that, that I rarely pat Charlie or tell him good job even when he's putting his heart into figuring it out, and she also emphasized the importance of making him do it properly because it's schooling.
I was on top of the world because of feeling my hands pulling, so now I'm hopeful that one day - maybe even for poor Charlie - I'll be able to feel my heels digging in and get them out.
What a great day.

One correct feeling; Back exercises

After a couple weeks off, we had a lesson with John today.  After some warm up, John's first instruction to me was not to let Charlie just puke over the warm up fences.  Our second task was to switch right to a hefty* line and oxer.  After a few rounds of that, Shannon rode some other lines, and then we did a new set of lines that were even heftier.*  Those four fences were amazing.   Afterwards, John said that's how to ride every fence, no matter how big it is.  He said when they're bigger and I'm a little nervous, I naturally sit up and collect Charlie, like I should for every fence.  Instead, when they're small, I let Charlie take the lead, and then he puts forth minimal effort and they're uncomfortable pukers.  I agree that Charlie is easier to ride when he's bigger and the fences are bigger, but I'm still really wrestling with how to get him big without letting him get flat. Shannon said she noticed that I ride with my heels just dug into his side, so she thinks that I can't use my hips and upper legs very well and that I need to get him in front of my leg and responsive first.  So we'll see - it's a lot of interlocking pieces that I feel like I am close, after a lot of years of sweat, to figuring out.
The other thing I asked John about was exercises for my lower back.  He recommended laying on a pillow, just to stretch it out, and then to use my pecs to pull my shoulders back (not lean backwards and roll my shoulders back), and then third to think about pushing OUT right under my rib cage, which also pushes my back out.  He said it's actually the back under the shoulder blades that needs to be improved, not the low back where it looks the worst.
So I've got the good feeling imprinted in my head now, the next task is just cementing how to get it and then consistently get it.  Baby steps.  But man, Charlie feels like a dreamboat when I get it together.

Bank, Ship, and Water at Aspen

You can't tell, but we are actually going fast.

Day 2 with Major Beale

I had an incredible workout today with Major Beale; so much of a workout that even my socks got sweaty.  Thank goodness that I've been increasing my workouts, although I still have a long way to go.
The high point of the lesson was the collected canter. 
The low point was my brain's incredible thickness in understanding an exercise that was a circle haunches in to a circle haunches out (basically turn on the forehand, turn on the haunches, although I might not even have that right).
We started with a lot more transitions and obtaining the feeling of Charlie being ready to go up a gait at any moment.  Even though I thought I'd been increasing my work at home from just plodding around in a lot of circles, I am not doing nearly as many transitions (or difficult transitions) as we did during the clinic.  I think that part of this is I'm so afraid that I'll do it wrong and make it worse, that I stick with what I'm comfortable with.
Charlie was once again an absolute champ, trying hard to figure out what I was asking him to do so I could do it.  I was a frustrating communicator today.
Then we worked on the correct bend - I am still riding Charlie bent to the right, so going to the right he is overbent (and bulging out through his left shoulder) and going to the left, he isn't bent at all.  So to work on this, we did some counterbend going to the right (bent left), and then going to the left, tried to just get him bending around my leg.  We also worked again on the right lead canter first standing up, shifting over, and then trying to feel that saddle under my right hip.  These were hard exercises because my body's feeling needs to readjust - I feel like we are bent all wild and my shoulders are going the wrong way, respectively, with those exercises, when in fact, he still isn't anywhere near correct.
Then we started working on what led to the high and low points.  I haven't seen anyone ride those particular exercises before, so it was also a good lesson on how I learn, in that it's a lot easier for me to mimic something I've seen, than just listen to it.  And it was new, and it was HARD - riding on a circle and then doing haunches in or out on the circle but staying on the circle is hard enough!!  My brain got totally clogged up trying to think of everything, although perhaps that is also part of the lesson - I don't think I should need to think of everything - instead of sticking my tongue out from concentration, I should just feel what the correct movement is.
Regardless, struggling through that led to some simply brilliant collected canter.  Charlie could leap up into it straight from the walk, and I could slow him down until it felt like he was almost cantering in place.  It was so amazing.  And I got the "poof" - the collection - all by myself!  So it IS possible!  Another year of working this hard and maybe we will be able to do second level.
I had no idea Charlie could move like that, or that I could get a horse to move like that (of course, Charlie has already been trained to do all of this, and it is also amazing he has known all along how to do it, and I have just never asked him to do it), so that was really cool.  Of course, it came at the expense of a soaking wet body, which was disgusting, but that is just more motivation to keep cracking the whip at the gym.
I also got my copy of Jeremy's book, which I can't wait to read and study up on before he is back in August.
My goal is to have my back flatter and to be enough more to the right in my seat so that he can focus on more work like that collected canter.

Clinic Day 1 with Major Beale

There was a major breakthrough for me, and then a lot of really cool stuff that I think is still a bit out of my grasp.
Major breakthrough:  One reason I prefer jumping to dressage is how much more comfortable I am in my jumping saddle.  Well, lo and behold, that's because I trot behind the motion in my dressage saddle.  Which is likely why, despite my clumsy sitting trot, I feel like I have better control over the delicate movements when I'm sitting.  In my efforts to have a dressage posture, instead of posting over the movement, I have been launching my shoulders backwards at the top of each post, and therefore, falling behind the motion on every single step.
One teeny tiny correction (thinking of posting up and over my hands) not only made me feel like I was moving with Charlie, but also let my toes turn in and kept my legs from jamming so far forward.  It was huge.  Because I wasn't lurching around, Charlie could move better, and I could do more because I wasn't always behind.  It was really amazing.
Moving into the harder to capture, we worked on my position and posture.  There were three things going on here.  At least, to be kind to myself I'll clump them in three categories.
First, I have this big hollow in my back.  Major Beale was too nice to call it swayback, but that's what I'd call it.  It makes me look like I'm riding titlted forward onto my pelvis with my belly pushed out, which maybe I am, but when he took a whip and set it behind me in the saddle, and there was a huge fist sized gap between my lower back and the whip - I could NOT make the hollow part go flat.  Afterwards, Shannon showed me how she can.  And I can't in yoga or pilates either, so I don't know if it is a function of poor posture, or if it's the way I'm built and I'll never be able to get it back.  But I need to try to think of lifting my rib cage, sucking my belly button into my spinal cord, and then relaxing my hips and legs.
Doing that leads to the second, which is my toes.  In a dressage stirrup, you should think of lifting your toes, not pushing your heels down, because someone should be able to put their finger between your toes and the stirrups and you wouldn't smash it.  Toes should be the part on the stirrup, and your pinky toe should be near the outside of the stirrup bar (big toe to the inside when you jump).  Thinking heels down pushes your lower leg forward (into a defensive jumping position actually) but is hard to use for delicate dressage.  And when you point your toes all crazy in like you're pigeon toed (if you're me) and look down, they're just barely straight.  So when they feel all crazy and pointed in, with loose hips and soft but light touch legs, and the pelvis tucked under and the ribs lifted, for a moment - sitting there still - I could feel that wrap around softness and how if I could stay like that, I could ask Charlie for anything.
Third - my hips.  I'm crooked.  I post crooked - like a snake wiggling back and forth above the saddle (video coming eventually).  I put more weight in my left stirrup.  I sit off to the left, which makes going to the left fine, but is part of why (maybe all of why) we're having such a hard time when we try to go to the right.
Major Beale thinks if I fix my posture and toes, most of that will correct itself, but I need to stand up, shift to the right, and sit down again before cantering to the right.  Until that horribly, horribly awkward canter feels as good as the left side.  This exercise really helped me feel the difference in the weight between my feet also.
Charlie was an absolute dreamboat for the work, which was a lot of transitions and a lot of changes to keep him sharp.  He made it easy for us to focus on me.
Oh, and focus on him.  Instead of sitting there thinking about where my body is supposed to be, look at Charlie (use soft eyes) and see how he's reacting to me and then fix myself using his reaction.
Also, Major Beale said I can get away with this for now, but it's going to catch up with me, and I agree, although I think it already has with all the right turn stuff.
It was really eye opening, maybe a little too eye opening for me to fully absorb it all - especially the parts I can't feel I'm doing - but some of it I could feel a huge difference right away. 
The only downside is how did I get this old and not know how crooked I was?!?
I'm going to see my rolfer to talk about that gap in my back to see if there's anything we can do.

Aspen recap

Aspen was our second show this season, and like always, it was incredibly professionally done.  Everything ran on time, the fences were gorgeous, the courses were fun but challenging, and it was top notch all the way around.
Charlie had his A game on for dressage, and thanks to the very specific tips and exercises from John and Shannon after my NWEC dressage test, I had concrete things to focus on and practice and it really made a difference.  I felt like I fixed almost all of them - except the halt.
For show jumping, I dropped the ball.  I focused so much on going fast, that I didn't think about keeping Charlie put together until we started puking over and touching all the fences.  By then, he had taken over, and I didn't have enough space/time in between the fences to really put him back together.  He saved my bacon and we got lucky, but this is definitely where we need to work - how to ride a big canter without it being strung out.
Then, our last day was cross country, which is of course my favorite.  And Charlie was, of course, an absolute rock star.  We just cruised it!  Shannon had given me exactly what I needed to think about, but only for a handful of places so I could remember it all.
What I found really helped was that for both dressage and cross country, I visualized my ride over and over again ahead of time.  It seemed to kind of store some of the actions so that I could focus on more things during the ride.  I'm going to try to work on that more for show jumping too, and see if that helps.
The other thing I want to do is shout out to John Camlin and Shannon Morris's patience.  Without them patiently watching me struggle to catch on in little tiny baby steps, I wouldn't be nearly as far as I am today.  And I can really feel the progress from last year.  I appreciate their confidence and patience with me because I'm definitely not a natural rider, but I really want to learn how to ride well, even if it takes me the rest of my damn life.

A thankfully very fuzzy view of our show jumping round

I accomplished the fast part of my three goals, but not the "put together" part so we shot around like a loose rubber band and touched every fence.  I pretty much looked like I'd never ridden before.
http://youtu.be/GpXeX9kKb9k

Conditioning exercises

I talked with John about conditioning exercises at our lesson this week, and he recommended 3 5-minute trot sets (with a 2 minute break in between each) and 4 3-minute canters.  We started today with 2 5-minute trots and 2 3-minute canters.  For each, I started in a two-point for the first minute, then posted the trot, then went back to a two-point.  Charlie and I were both pooped by the final minute of the last canter.
John also recommended building up to an 8 minute wall sit, and emphasized that it's especially important once your quads start burning to stay in the sit because that's when your hip flexors start to work.  I didn't have my watch on, but I'm pretty sure I didn't even make it a minute for the first one.
Our lesson was another great one.  We did the same two lines as last week, a 4 stride and then an angled 4 stride, and of course, Charlie was an angel.  Then we worked on coming around a corner to an oxer, jumping it to the left of mid-way to make a right turn around another fence to a hard right to a wall.  It took me many tries to get this right, but it was a great exercise because the Aspen show jumping courses tend to have a lot of turns around fences.
John said at the show to focus on getting Charlie's canter big enough in the warm up, and the jumping would follow, and that now that I know I can bring Charlie back, I can be more confident about riding him forward.  It's amazing when we get a jump right how incredible it is, but I'd wager we're hitting them perfect at maybe only 25% right now.
Charlie is such a trooper.
Also, there are actually 5 things to think about when jumping, not 3, but they are beyond my skill set right now to even list them all.
The big things to think about are riding in a big enough canter, sitting up and rebalancing around the corner, then getting out of Charlie's way the last three strides - I don't do anything but make things worse if I start messing around the final stride.  John said to think about how Charlie feels going cross country (which he loves) and then try to get that feeling for show jumping.
I love the lessons with John.  They're amazing.

"If you have to think about it, you're too late."

- David O'Connor

Two lessons this week, both excellent.
Some jumping at John's.  This week's issue was flopping forward after the fence.  I have been working much, much harder after the last lesson, and John said it showed - I seemed "crisper".  He also said that now I'm starting to be able to choose what Charlie does, instead of just ride him around the arena.  It's like I have more time to think and more tools in my tool belt to choose from.  While I had a couple flops, I also had a few fences that were just exactly right on, which felt great.  We also jumped the narrow skinny triangle, which was new and fun (for me).

Then today I had a dressage lesson with Shannon.  Again, she said the effort from last week was showing.  I was able to get Charlie rounder, had some nice consistent right circles, and did some really nice leg yields at the end.  Although Charlie started out like a total slug and heavy as a rock in my hands, he ended up moving really great.  The big difference was riding him with a lot of transitions and activity so he had to pay attention.  Transitions in the circle, to a spiral in, changing direction, to another transition ... The other big one was not to do one puny whip and then say "oh, I guess that didn't work" and give up, but to follow it up if he doesn't respond.  If I do a whip smack and he ignores it, I do a second, harder whip smack, and that usually motivates him to get going.  We also did some work without stirrups, which was torture, so I definitely need to incorporate that back into my daily routine.

Rainbows, not onions

Because of the busy adaptation schedule, I haven't had a dressage lesson from Shannon in a while.  After my lesson this week, I've decided that learning to ride is more like a rainbow than peeling an onion.  While the peeling an onion analogy works very well - there's always another layer under the layer you're at - also, I cry - I like my new rainbow analogy better.
It's like this:  pre-horses, I was dimly aware of a world that I wanted to be in that I knew existed but I had no idea of its scope.  Those first few rides were like the big bang - from nothing to everything all at once.  But since then, it has been a gradual process of going from close to dark, to dimly lit, to black and white, to shades of gray, to primary colors, to the basic rainbow, to the whole palette of nuanced colors that exists.  Why I like this analogy is that my progress is like this:  I'm in solid black and white world, and I'm happy there.  And then I have a lesson, and I see this amazing flash of brilliant blue, and I know there is more.  And then one day the blue stays a little longer in the sky, then a little longer, then I realize the sky is always blue, and there's a flash of green for the grass. 
Because what I've found is that wherever I'm at, I think that's the end.  And then I get these tantalizing hints - if I pay careful attention - that there's a whole other layer of complexity in the world that I wasn't aware of.  And each time I take one of those steps, I know I don't ever want to go back to the comfortable world of black and white because the world is so much richer the more color it gets.
My lesson with Shannon was like that.  I had a huge giant flash of magenta - I finally FELT the inside leg to outside hand.  It was only for a second - Shannon says three strides but I only really felt it on the final one - but there it was.  It was just that one moment, but now I know it is there and I'm not color-blind (like I was beginning to suspect I was).
We worked on a lot of new nuanced (to me) stuff.
My left hand likes to turn sideways (knuckles on top) and break at the wrist.
I keep my feet in the dressage stirrups in my jumping position (little toe on outside bar) - I need to work on my foot a bit deeper in the stirrup and even between the bars.
"Bend more" does not mean chin to chest.  It means in the corners, look at the inside eyelashes.  Every corner.  But then go straight on the straight lines in between.
Poll should be highest point.  This is so easy and yet I completely and utterly forgot about it.
Try riding with my stirrups a hole or two shorter since I am still struggling in the dressage saddle to get my heels down.
But also - this was a flash of azure - when I slump over and let my left arm drift forward is when Charlie goes on the forehand.  When I am jumping and have my hands planted in his neck, or I am riding with my hands in his neck because Shannon has told me to - or when I am sitting in a proper frame with my elbows bent and not stretching my arms long - this goes away, and suddenly we feel connected.  I haven't gotten a good enough grasp of this to fully explain it, but all of a sudden I saw and felt what I was doing wrong this whole time, fixed it, and felt the fix work.
Spiral in and out is a good exercise I have let slip because I have been doing Major Beale's.  Think about leg yielding.
In corners, push Charlie around like a wheelbarrow (this is tied to the flash of azure) - don't pull him around by the inside hand. 
There was probably a lot more than that, but my tiny brain got full.  I think I could add to the analogy that as you develop, you go from a tiny little palette to a bigger and bigger one.  Right now, it doesn't take much new paint for mine to get full and things to start leaking out my ears again.

Excellent pointers that were hard to hear

As I think I already posted, the big change from this year to last year was my ability to think while I was competing.  Not only could I recognize errors as they happened (but unfortunately, not really before they happened) but I could think about what to do about them - ones I have dealt with before, I could match to whatever John or Shannon told me, but new stuff I'm not as good at figuring out what to do (like the soft footing in the dressage test).
So the good news is that not only was I identifying the right stuff, but it was consistent with me, Shannon, John, the dressage test, and the videos.
The bad news is I had to recognize it myself, hear it from Shannon, John, read it on my score sheet, and watch it on the videos.
So at today's lesson, John went through the list of ways I can improve in the future, which is terribly, terribly useful, but since I'm already feeling like I bluffed my way and didn't deserve a ribbon at all, like a total wimpy baby I started to cry.
He had some excellent suggestions which will be "easy" (I just have to battle with my constant nemesis, time) to do at home:
1.  Make a dressage arena.  Mark it.  Practice my damn lines.  Look at the judge each time I am coming up the center line so the judge is looking at me.
2.  In my dressage arena, use a cone to mark the corners.  Ride a corner different (deeper) than a 20 meter circle.  Quit cheating myself of all that space and opportunity to ride the movement correctly as soon as I hit the letter, instead of still being angling over towards it.
3.  Heels down is not coming from my heels, but from my core.  Work on not riding in a defensive crouched up fetus posture and once I overpower my quads with my core, my heels will be able to go down.  But the hideousness of my pictures is because I don't have my weight sunk in my heels, so I don't have a stable base, so my hips come forward instead of that folding in half motion that good riders do.
4.  Quit trying to do new things at the show.  Know that I practiced and trust in it.  There are three things to do jumping:  look at the center line, ride Charlie forward, and use half halts to balance him.  Once I've got him forward, it is way easier to do a half halt and then just cruise to the fence.  We did some work on this during the lesson, and when it is right, it is soooo easy and fun.
5.  Ride the short end.  From M to C, counterbend to the outside.  At C straighten for a few strides, then counterbend again to F.  Do this a few times, then counterbend to M and then just ride to C.  This will work on the deepness in the corners.
6.  Also, practice riding all my transitions 2 meters early.  That way, in a show, I'll have tons of time and can do a half halt instead of always being late in my transitions.  Think AHEAD and be proactive instead of reactive.
John had some incredibly good insights into how I tick - kind of eerily.  Like that at shows I start to choke and overthink it, and when I'm nervous, my brain tries to take over instead of my body.  And that while almost all horse people are Type A, beating myself up for every failure is his job (and Shannon's) and it just makes me feel defeated before I even start instead of helping me improve.  I can trust that he and Shannon will pick out the things I need to work on and tell me - I don't need to keep trying to do this to myself.  This was huge.  It has never occurred to me that picking on myself doesn't make me any better, but just makes me feel bad.  I just thought, "I'll never get better if I don't pick apart everything I do" (in every single aspect of my life).
He also said the big step is recognizing when something isn't working, but that I need to try to figure it out and how to correct it on my own - that too much reliance on a trainer actually will make me know less.
Then we did some nice exercises outside, and after a warm up, he had me ride a little less than 5 minutes where he called out the fence and I rode it.  I had a few really good ones, but I got frazzled as the time went on, and he used that to show how if I psych myself out, by the time I get in the ring I'm frazzled instead of pumped up.  It's the same - the first few jumps Charlie might be kind of checking it out, and then when he realizes it's just little stuff, he goes on cruise control.
The other big part was that John recognizes that Charlie's tendency is either 0 (pukey, forehand) or full on (heavy in the hands), and that it's hard to get him in the middle - forward but light.  But when he is - holy cow the fences just float under us.
Also, John was talking about why he had some of the fences set up the way he does - like practicing a bendy line before Aspen, or an oxer after a hard corner.  It is kind of amazing all the things I have never been aware of and don't know about.  That was the point where I want to just ride every day with someone who knows what they're doing and make up for all this time I've wasted puttering around.
It's good to feel those good fences, to know that when I get it all lined up, they are wonderful, and it's just going to take a lot of practice before I can consistently get all the elements lined up.  It's also good to be working on something that is definitely more nuanced than last year - it's just that I had no idea how big the damn onion is when another layer comes off.
Oh, and I almost fell off.  I jumped a vertical at an angle, and wasn't looking where I was going early enough, so I planned to go right around a fence but never told Charlie, who planned to go left.  So he shot left while I was looking right, and I went up on his neck  on the right side but scrambled back into place and kept riding.  John said that means my heels aren't totally wacko because otherwise I would have shot right off, but I was being such a piss that I was like "well, if I was any good, I wouldn't have put us in that situation to begin with."
So - a lot of progress and a lot to work on.  It was easier a few years ago when I was so ignorant I thought I was already good.