GREAT jump lesson with Shannon!

We had our first jump lesson in a while, and I started it with a great conversation with Shannon that was really, really useful for me putting things into perspective with Willig.
The take-away points were:
- I should go ahead and take him to some of the derbies and enter him in hopeful this year. If we have to be eliminated, scratch, or just look hideous - it doesn't matter, so long as we get around the course. She had to take her guy for three years in hopeful.
- When I ride him, it needs to be more assertively. He's always going to be a chicken, probably, so I have to make up for that and say "Rah! We're going over this jump here!" She doesn't think he doesn't like jumping; he's just easily scared of the other stuff going on. (Her guy was too, and he got over it!)
- What the hell is going on with my right hand? Over fences (not just in dressage) and especially when I get nervous, it is like pulling his head to my thigh. I don't even realize it's happening, so I have to think about "even hands".
- I also have to, on the way to the jump, not pull back. If I'm nervous, kick him forward, but don't pull back.
- And ride him in a defensive position. Think about having my legs in front of me on the way to the fence (and by thinking that, I focus on that and get out of his way for the rest of it), which also means I don't jump ahead, which means that I don't throw everything away, which means that I don't lose my balance, which means that I can react quicker on the other side, and it just keeps getting better. I also feel much more secure and safe.
- The nervousness I'm feeling is "normal" (in the relative scheme of normal, given that some eventers are lunatics). It's ok to not want to jump training level. But I can't start backing off or I'm going to back off of everything (this is me, not Shannon) until I sit in a corner in my house scared of the outside world.
- Most of the horses (quite likely all) have been "pack" horses who have just hauled me around the arena. Willig is the first time I'm really having to learn how to ride, and that's what makes you improve as a rider. Selling him and buying a pack horse would just postpone the lesson (and Shannon agrees he is a handsome guy with some nice qualities) or doom me to a fate of always having to buy packers.
When I put all these things together, Willig did GREAT! He jumped a little course and some things that have been scary for us, and although he didn't always hit his take off point correctly, he didn't have a single bad moment. It was a huge confidence builder. Shannon said that J should keep up with what she's doing, because it is really helping, and also offered for us to go school some at NWEC, which would be great!