Eureka!

Yesterday in our lesson with John I had one of those light bulb moments.  We were warming up over a figure 8 exercise - a cross rail to a vertical to either the left or right.  Maybe the second time on the right line, I suddenly FELT (!!) my hands pulling the last few strides to the fence, even as my legs were kicking.  And then, because I felt it, I could stop doing it.  From that point forward (on that exercise), every line rode a perfect 5 strides, smooth as silk.
It took a long time - I don't even want to think about how long - and we've figured out work-arounds, like planting my hands in his neck, but I FELT it, and then immediately felt how much the correction improved everything.  It was like the skies opened up and angels sang.
Then John did his usual progression up to an exercise I would have thought impossible if we'd started with it, and I had to think a lot more so things weren't as genius.
But that's the genius part.  First, I love how he gradually increases each lesson and how well balanced they are.  But second, I realized as the lesson progressed, that I have so much more time to think than I used to.  Everything used to feel like it was happening so fast, and now, I can not only feel what needs to be corrected, but sometimes even still have time to correct it, in what used to be a mad rush between fences.  We're not going any faster, I think I've just gotten a tiny bit better about feeling, but a whole lot better educated and of course, way more comfortable and trusting of Charlie than I ever was on anyone else.
Have I mentioned lately what an amazing heart Charlie has?  He's so dreamy.
Of course, there's still tons to learn, which I dramatically proved, in case anyone had any doubts, by riding an entire loop on the wrong lead (John counted - 17 strides), but the difference between this year and last year was I knew I was on the wrong lead, but made a decision not to correct it.  It was the wrong decision, but it was a good mistake to make in front of John because he explained why.  First, we're there to school, not to ride a show, so fix mistakes so that me and Charlie learn from them.  And second, 17 strides is eternity, not a flash in the pan.  There are sometimes you wouldn't fix a lead - like in between fences on a line, or around a really hard corner without much space - but a 17 stride corner was not that.
Then I proceeded to screw up the last exercise, which was another golden learning opportunity.  Charlie lands on the right lead like 90% of the time, even if I'm looking left and thinking left over the fence.  Part of this - ok, maybe most of that - is me.  I am still squeezing with the right hand and right leg, even in the air.  But he's a little bit inclined that way anyway.  Which - see last lesson - makes it all the more critical to work on when we school.  So we did this fan, left U turn, oxer - and I could NOT get him to land on the left lead, or to change leads.  Again, it felt too tight so I wasn't committing, but I was also trying to cram it into one stride (because it felt tight).  The take away was that - it's important to make him do it even if it's ugly, there's a lot more space in there than I think, and a  lot more time, AND that even just the act of trying rocks him back on his haunches and gets him set up for a much nicer fence.
The other thing I heard John saying to Shannon was the importance not just of sitting up and balancing and half halting around the corner, but to keep your leg on, otherwise, what's the point of doing all that (that latter half is mine) if you're just going to kick the horse forward and get it all strung out again.  And I realized that's what I've been doing.  I focus so much on the "collection" (not used the way a dressage rider would) that I lose the impulsion.
So one of my at home exercises is to work on making those canter transitions snappy and efficient.
The other benefit to sharing a lesson with Shannon is not only do I get to watch her working with a green horse which is really educational, but she can also tell me what she sees afterwards.  She said I'm still really digging in my heels all the way around, so we really need to keep working on that, that I rarely pat Charlie or tell him good job even when he's putting his heart into figuring it out, and she also emphasized the importance of making him do it properly because it's schooling.
I was on top of the world because of feeling my hands pulling, so now I'm hopeful that one day - maybe even for poor Charlie - I'll be able to feel my heels digging in and get them out.
What a great day.