Dressage - right hand at the withers

Tonight, after a bit of head shaking resistance, Charlie caved and decided it was just easier to bend around my leg at the canter.  We ended up with some very nice transitions, in addition to nice canter and trot work.
This made it a bit easier for me to use my seat to push him bigger (down and forward at the canter; a bigger "bounce" at the trot).
However, while we got nice work out of him, it was one of those lessons where I needed a lot of step-by-step instruction from John, and I'm not sure I can repeat it at home.  He said that I should definitely try - especially the putting my outside hand against his withers so he can't pull me forward out of the saddle, and then ask him with the inside hand to bend.
We did similar work to the prior lessons, with trot and canter bent and counter bent, then on 10 meter circles, and Charlie worked much better - the increased food is making him easier to ride because he's much peppier - but it is still just a bit out of my grasp.  I can feel it working, and today I had a miraculous feeling of his outside - I could feel his haunches coming out (for the first time I think!) and I could feel his shoulders just a bit sooner than normal too, but I couldn't feel them until it had already happened, not before to prevent it.
I also had a whine about how I wasn't really that good compared to other training level riders.  John said everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but to note that when he gives me a new exercise, I learn it, so I am still able to absorb and grow, that I've never seen a lot of the exercises he's giving me, and that I didn't start with a good foundation.  He said my big weakness over fences is that I have the forward and go, and then I hesitate and wonder if I should mess with it, instead of just going forward with it.  He pointed out I rode Calo and that Charlie hasn't been able to unseat me with his antics, and then noted the irony of me complaining because my horse is too reliable.
Charlie sees Dr. R and Dr. S on Monday, and I hope that clears up whatever is left of his kinks so that we can really buckle down, get him fat and sassy, and get ready for the show season.