Frustrating jump lesson for every single person involved (and Duke)

We started out ok, warming up while John finished his prior lesson.  Katy came out, and he started us right away with a vertical, which he then turned to an oxer.  We were jumping back toward the barn, and the "uphill" direction, and although Duke was kind of long and flat to the fences, they were even and rhythmic.  The very last one, John gave me step-by-step instructions (half halt at the corner, sit up, look up) and we finally got a nice balanced jump (that was the only good jump of the lesson, forewarning).  John said to try to ride like that to each one, just keep Duke calm and quiet and balanced, "oh, I can do this out of this nice balanced rhythm".
And from there the lesson went downhill.
John also said not to pet Duke on the neck after the fence, that it pushes the reins forward, which is like what the jockeys do (and what we did with Charlie) to push him forward, and that Duke is listening, so just tell him he's a good boy, but I don't need to make a giant production out of it.
Which is not quite how he said it, but how I heard it, and started me getting myself worked up.  Because for years, he has been telling me to "pat the horse" because I don't praise enough and I am trying to do better with Duke than I did with all the horses that came before.
So then we switched directions and jumped this little brick wall but heading towards the cross country and on the right lead.  And Duke would drift left, land, put his head down, and then careen around the corner on just his right legs.  And I got madder and madder and madder, and would just halt on the far side and sit there, and eventually Duke got frustrated and started throwing his head up in the air, and then John told me to just halt.
And he got on and rode Duke.  He did a lot of exaggerated bending to the inside or outside, giving a lot with the "outside" rein so that Duke could bend.  Then he did some halts where he asked Duke to take the bit - which seemed to be hard for Duke to grasp.  He'd try to back up, or would kind of jiggle his front knees.
John said the difference between us was that he stayed calm, while I get wound up.  And that when I yell, Duke thinks it's at him and gets upset.  Which goes back to what John told me last lesson, that Duke is a horse who likes to live life on the edge, and my #1 purpose is going to be keeping him calm and letting him know it's ok.
John also did a little lengthening in the canter.  When he got off, he said that Duke gets stuck, and you just have to move a piece of him - so make him do haunches in or haunches out if he won't bend his neck, and once you get a piece unstuck, you can go back to what you were trying to get to bend.
He also said that his back isn't strong enough, and that's why his canter feels a bit odd - it has a hiccup on beat 3.
So then we did some work on the flat, doing haunches in, then bending his neck, then letting his haunches drift a little bit back to normal, then both legs on and hands give a bit to let him go forward.  We did the same damn fences again - the gate and then the brick wall, and eventually John got a rail and put it to try to keep Duke from drifting left, but he just jumped the angled pole and the fence.
John said it is better to do a 10 meter circle (or something like a 10 meter circle) after the fence if he has jumped it stiff and pulling, than to halt, because Duke wants to halt and its a reward.  And he said absolutely not to pull and let him invert, that he'll develop some terrible habits.  And that's part of where I was crying in what ended up being just an hour of me crying.
John said it's partly Duke being an asshole and ignoring the aid, but part of that is him not being sure he can balance, and just helping him realize that yes he can balance both directions, by bending to the inside and bending to the outside and just getting him unstuck when he gets nervous and just locks himself into a plank.  John says because he's so short front to back, he can plank himself up pretty well.  I told him he switches which side is stuck from day to day and John laughed and said Duke was clever or something like that.
I told him I'm not intuitive, and I can't figure out how to ride Duke, that I am working my way through everything he's taught me, and it isn't working.  And he said I'm not even trying, I'm just getting frustrated and mad and giving up.
I also told him that at home he can jump one fence at a time, but he can't string them together, and so I have just been circling between fences to calm him down, because I can't find anything else that works, and John said that is what you do for a young horse, and said his ride before he left for Rebecca, his horse just could not get the idea of this 4 stride line, and he had to circle in between the two fences 16 different times before his horse caught on and just went down the line like he was supposed to.
He also said I can bring him down there, but I have to come and ride at exactly the same time every day because he can't rearrange his schedule every day.
He also said that every time he sees Duke, he looks better, and that he is quite athletic and willing and something else nice that my brain wouldn't listen to because it was busy being upset.
I was mad because Duke is sweet, but I want Charlie.  Duke is 6, he is an ex-racehorse, and I don't know how to ride either of those things.
To be realistic, this is my fourth lesson with John, and I've had Duke less than two months and I was gone a week of that.  Poor Duke is also on massive calories to gain weight, and had to move cross country to a human who doesn't ride anything like his prior owner did - who was a freaking professional.  He is a sweet horse, who is going to be great, if I learn how to ride him and don't ruin him.
But this was my last jump lesson before the next show, and I don't have enough time with John to feel comfortable.  I don't have any self-confidence about anything anymore.
John also said not to worry about a saddle unless his back hurts or he starts moving funny.  I said he swished his tail when I groomed him and John said he's moving better than when he first got here.  He said that at 6, and underweight, his body is going to change so much that I'd just have to buy another saddle a year from now.  He said his horses all did fine in 6-8 saddles, even back when he did real three days and they would get skinny during the season from being so fit.
I just; I got so frustrated, and then I missed Charlie so much, and then I started crying, and then I was crying because I was crying and then I was done for.  I was a horrible student, and I was crying because I'm a pain in the ass student who just wasted an hour of my time and an hour of John's time and used up even more of my good credits that I built up over the last five years.