Rebecca wrap up, "capable but anxious"

I should be happy with how Duke did at Rebecca, but I'm not, and I'm really struggling with why not.
He was 3rd to last after dressage, with a 39.8.  (First was a 26.9, so it wasn't like we were even close.)
however, it was absolutely amazing we even got through the test, because the first two days on the show grounds, he was completely overwhelmed.  I didn't ride him the first day (although with hind sight, I should have).
Let me back up.  Sunday I had to be in Eugene.  I spent six hours (instead of three) driving home, gave him the world's fastest bath, and showed up at Meg's in Ellensburg close to 11 pm.  Monday morning I got up early (before 5 am) and drove to Kalispell.  This would have been genius, had I known about the construction, which took almost an extra two hours in the cooking hot sun (over 90 degrees).
So that's why I didn't ride Monday.  I just felt bad that he rode in the trailer and just cooked all day.
So when I got on Tuesday, he'd had two days off, which is very unusual for us.
And although things were only just getting started, he was overwhelmed and tense and scared and nervous.
So John told me to ride him twice a day, but only briefly.
Well, on our second ride, I ran into Jessica who told me about the cows out on Phase A of roads and tracks, so the next day I wanted to walk past them on one of our rides, and that blew his mind as well.  All I could think about was how we were going to get eliminated on Phase A because we couldn't trot past some cows.
We went and practiced the jog on the track - I thought he'd be scared of the big white tent, but he didn't care about it at all.
So instead of working a few hours every day, I spent that extra few hours riding him a second time and walking him around and trying to get him used to the show grounds and atmosphere.
He was fine for jog 1, even though a few horses ahead of us, a horse got loose and ran away (and Brooke said ran into another horse, which then didn't pass inspection).
We got to do the steeplechase practice that afternoon, which was awesome.  He took off like he was shot out of a cannon and just got faster and faster and was SO EASY to ride over the fences (we got to do the first one, then the first and second one).  We walked back on Phase C of roads and tracks and he was ho-hum about the cows.
For dressage, John helped us a lot with warm up, and watched the test, which I thought was pretty ok, although his face said "meh" and our score was meh.  Given that I didn't think he'd be able to halt or even remotely be obedient, I was just glad we didn't eliminate. Until we got the score and saw our place, and then I was pissed we didn't do better.
Allison and Andrea suggested he might have ulcers - at least stress ulcers - and suggested I try omeprazolone (to take the edge off) and maybe give him one of the two months (?) of treatment, just in case.  That would make sense, with him being girthy, although I thought it was just the badly fitting saddles.  So I got him some ulcerguard and some nerve cookies, and I'm going to up his smartpak to put more gut health supplements in and see if that helps him.  It's not fair to him unless I give him every opportunity to do his best.
For cross country, Duke was a little nervous about Phase A (he trotted with his head straight up, looking for something to spook at), but once we started steeplechase, he was like "oh, ok, fun" and we shot around the steeplechase.  The time said 1:01, but I think it was 2:01 (instead of 2:29).  It was FAST.
He settled a bit in Phase C, and although he was pretty sweaty after steeplechase, the trotting was obviously less work and we cruised into the 10 minute box* almost dry.  And his temp was only 101. Brooke's crew went to town on him, and I just stood around.  So he did great in the 10 minute box.
He was kind of difficult on cross country.  After steeplechase, he just wanted to grab the bit and go, and the course was a little more technical than our other training courses, so it was kind of a jerky ride.  I had to battle with him the first three fences to listen, and then he screeched to a halt at the big hill and then again at the weird water.  Thankfully, neither of those were flagged, and after the two screeching halts, he started listening a little better.
I felt like we got the most technical moves done only by the skin of our teeth - the big table on a bending line to the corner (fences 9/10) and the coffin followed by a hard left to the bears (13 a/b/c?). He had no problem making up the time from the screeching halts and the slow down for the technical parts on the wide open parts, and he jumped every fence like a dream boat.  Brooke's mom said they were watching and he took off long, but I thought he was great.
When we got finished, his temp was only 102, so he didn't have to do a third check.  Also, the vet was a hottie.
For show jumping, I did not go out way ahead of time, and he was just a little stiff.  He got loosened up, and jumped the cross rail twice and the vertical once close to perfect, so I planned to walk five minutes, then do the vertical and oxer a couple times before we went in.
And then the fucking water truck came into the arena next to us and watered the entire rest of our warm up time.  Because the water truck was giving him conniption fits the first three days, I stayed on the far side of the arena, just walking, just trying to keep him calm, and maybe that was a mistake, but I didn't have enough time to try to get near it, have him freak out, and then calm him down again. So we didn't get to jump again, just walk for 10 minutes, and when we went in to do the test, he clobbered the first rail, fourth rail, and seven a and c.  Four fucking rails, out of 12.  It was humiliating.
Brooke said he was long and flat, and I don't know if that was from the big long walk or if he was flat before.  He was smooth, consistent, and obedient; he just doesn't give a shit if he hits a rail.  I don't know if he would have perked up if we'd done the warm up oxer a few times, or if I would have even noticed he was flat.  So this part was really really really disappointing.  The only silver lining is we were already in 13th place, so it wasn't like we had a ribbon and then lost it.
He ended in 12/25, but if we hadn't gotten four rails ...
He did a lot of things very well, and it was better than the last time I was there (eliminated in steeplechase) and better than Whidbey (eliminated in dressage) and I felt like I was the least prepared I'd ever been for a show, and I wanted to scratch because I was so unprepared, so I don't know why I'm so mad about how we did.  He did a good job.  I just wanted to do better.
And more than that, I guess I don't know what I did wrong and what we could have done better.  I think he did the best he could.
One of the judge's comments was that we were 'capable but anxious' which is so accurate about me it kind of gives me the heebie jeebies.
After show jumping, I finally went and talked to Devocoux.  I rode in two demo saddles, which seemed to fit both Duke and I perfectly (poor guy got ridden two more times, I swear he has the patience of a saint), and my Jete went to Schleese on consignment.  I started crying, because it was custom made for Charlie, and then couldn't stop.
I hope that saddles that actually fit him will help us push through this phase and gear up for the next.  I think he is a sweet, generous horse who is trying hard, but is saddled (har har) with idiot me.  And the only cure for idiot me is more time with John.

10 minute box details:
Duct tape, halter with number, extra shoes (and studs), two buckets, two sponges, two scrapers, mounting block, human water
Set up 1 hour ahead
Come in, they want to see him trotting to make sure not lame
Put halter on over bridle, loosen bridle and girth
Get temp, resp, pulse
102-103 is hot - sponges and scrape multiple times
Look for cuts and scrapes
At 6 minutes, vet will ask to trot in lane
At 5 minutes, tighten girth and bridle back up
At 4 minutes, get back on and start walking over to start box

At finish, he'll be checked when he comes in
Take tack off
Check again at 10 minutes (Duke didn't need)
Be careful with studs if you take boots off
Put in stall, let him pee and drink and have some down time to himself

Halt is beyond us right now

The training test A has one halt, at the end.  The three day test has three halts, spread pretty evenly throughout.  Yesterday, Duke could barely manage the halt at home, but during warm up at John's, he was ok.  I told John, and we started, and Duke was pretty ok, but a few halts in he started to panic.
So the silver lining is John was sitting right there, and worked us through it, but the cloudy part is that we spent our last lesson before Rebecca working on the halt.  (Instead of on the "hard" moves in the test.)
John had us do lots and lots and lots and lots of boring transitions of varying lengths.  One gait difference only - so halt - walk - halt - walk - trot - walk - trot - walk - halt - etc.  NOT trot to halt or walk to canter.
He said to do that in warm up at the show.  Just make it not a big deal.  If Duke is starting to get wound up - afraid of what is about to happen next - just be like "dude, chill, you've got this".
And if he gets wound up in the arena, then blow the move and let him relax.
John also said to give him a bit of leg yield if he's wound up.  Even if it's the middle of the test, move him over.
John also had me give a lot with my hands, at trot and at canter.
He said Duke did better than he expected (since last November, when this happened, it took me a month to teach him to halt again), but still, this blows.  I feel like we're going into an exam for a class I never attended and naked.
By panic, I mean he spun, stepped sideways, smashed my leg into the wall, stuck his head straight up in the air, and twisted around.
What's the worst that happens?  we get eliminated in dressage again (and so I'm eliminated 2 out of 3 times at Rebecca). What's better than that?  We finish the show.  Jesus, the bar is low.
But a year ago, I could hardly steer him around a show jumping course and he was so unbalanced at the canter he was hard to ride going to the right.  So this is progress, Martha, try to remember that.

The poor man's rear

John explained everything.
Duke gets nervous when he hears noises and he can't see the source (what we thought was going on in November), so it probably was the horse behind the hedge.
Two things I could have done:
First, when he started getting tenser and tenser, on the long side, going away from the judge, give him the reins a little and let him relax his neck down.  And then, if he's still tense, just give up on the lengthening and just ride the canter (or trot) normal and take the hit on the score.
Second, when he goes backwards, bend my hands - JUST A TINY BIT - and steer him around in a curve.  John said that sometimes when their hip has to move under them, it breaks up the panic.
He said that thoroughbreds do this - they feel trapped and they panic and they freeze and they plant their feet.  It's fear, that's why I could feel his little heart beating under my leg - not being naughty.  And that smacking/kicking will not ever work, and might eventually make him rear, because the running away backwards was "the poor man's rear" which made me laugh for way too long.
Then he told me and Meg about his first Rolex, when his horse got afraid of the motor in a camera, and he did a gallop lap around the inside of the dressage arena before going back to his test (then going home, and buying one of the motors to make the noise at home).
He told me not to use reins/kick because he had three thoroughbreds in a row that reared and flipped on him - he said they're so frozen they just throw themselves down on the ground.
The other silver lining here is that until my lesson, I had completely forgotten that after the November incident, it took me months to get Duke to stand still in the halt again.  John had said I might just have to - really fast - halt-salute-be done, and so he's actually done quite well this whole show season for what we were starting with.
The whole thing made me feel SO much better, and I was so afraid that John was going to tell me I was a fuck up, which he's never done, so I don't know why I was so anxious about what he would say.  I guess I was afraid he was going to say that it wasn't a fixable problem, but instead, he knew just how to fix it, and - I hadn't been that far off in thinking about it.  I *knew* he was getting tense, I just didn't do anything about it earlier, and just knowing that will help us a lot in the future.

I thought jumping would be a good idea, and John said that if I had my dressage saddle, he was going to make us do easy circles out in the field.  We kept it low key and fun for Duke, so it was just going over a little plank a few times.  John said if he stopped I'd be in trouble, but Duke just popped over it like it was not big thing.
Then we did a vertical that had two poles angled on it, and each lap John pushed the tops of them (on the rail) closer together, so that we had to get more and more and more precise.  Duke also jumped this like it was no big thing.
Then we did a five stride plank to gate, and we rode this just fine so John had us stop there.  He said what he liked about that fence was that on stride 3, I saw the distance, and put my leg on so that we would make it.  He said he also would have been ok if we jumped in short and on stride three, I sat up so that we made it a six stride.
Then he showed the levels of riding, and he said the first level is that you just ride through the fences on whatever you've got.  The next level he said is the hardest, at this one, you see the distance but you don't ride it correctly, so you're just flailing.  He said this one is hard on everyone, and it's where I was about two years ago (I vividly remember the months of flailing, and how frustrating it was, and how he told me then that it was part of the process and to trust that we would get through it and then suddenly it would be so much easier).  The next level is being able to adjust about 6' out - you have some adjustability and can fit in that last stride in that six foot window.
From there is about 3', then 2', then 1', then you're at the Olympics.  He said at 1', you can put the horse in place for every fence so that they never knock down a rail.  You just get better and better at seeing where you want to put the horse.
So then I walked Duke around the cross country field where he got scared of a weed blowing in the wind, but other than that, was pretty relaxed.
We leave in a week for Montana, which is a day earlier than I thought, so it's going to be a tight week, and the next week, my timing was bad with the farrier, so he's going to have a couple days off the weekend before Montana, and then a few days off when we get back (!!).

I told John I didn't want to go to Montana and get eliminated and he asked what would Duke learn from NOT going to Montana.  (Nothing) And what does he need? (Experience) So he said the whole thing was why we definitely should go to Montana.  Good points.
I'm so, so, so lucky to be able to learn from John.  Good lord.

Whidbey's lesson was why John said to get a horse you like

Duke freaked out in dressage and we got eliminated.
We got there Thursday, I rode him around, he was a little tense, particularly around the hedges.
So I gave him a Thursday evening walk and a walk this morning through the hedges, eating and having a good time.
He was fine in warm up, but got more and more tense as the test went on.  When we got to the third to last move (F to H trot lengthening) he broke to a canter then froze in place.  Then he did the idiot thing where he turns his head only, but won't move his body.  After I tried to move him a bit, I kicked him and he ran backwards out of the ring.
Anne Appleby was our judge, and bless her heart, she didn't honk the horn while he was frozen.
I jumped off once we were out of the ring, because he was getting ready to bolt, and I didn't want him to screw up someone else's test.
This is the same thing he did back in October, when I went to see John the next day, in a panic.
I think - but do not know - that the person warming up in the cross country field, whose head was barely visible bobbing above the hedge - freaked him out.  But even if it did, he should have still listened to me.
(SIGH)
We had one of the corrals, and I got this rock star parking place, but for future reference, my trailer did not fit out, and the roses scratched the shit out of it on both sides.  I had to creep out past people, but it couldn't have made the turn with or without people.

Dressage lesson with John (first lesson in County)

Today's dressage lesson was awesome.  I had an enormous list of questions for John. He looked at my dressage test from Inavale, said "maybe" we can do the 1* at Rebecca next year, the powder on his gloves is from his baseball days, yes, Duke can stay two times in August but he doesn't know how much he can ride the week before his show, he thinks I can adjust midstream between fences (I said I couldn't, and we talked about how time is going slower and I can think more and react more and make decisions in between fences, which he says I couldn't do as much even a few months ago), for lengthening with my seat, that's fine, but I should also try to use my leg (use BOTH) because to lengthen (or shorten) before a show jumping fence, I need Duke to know the leg aid as well as the seat aid because there isn't time to sit down and then give the leg aid, for cross country at Inavale, the fences he saw were fine (and then we talked about the flow of courses and how fun it is to have just a minute of gallop with some inviting fences), how much Kaitlyn liked Ashley's lesson and why (and then we looked out the door and Kaitlyn was walking around so she had just fallen off), the next shows (Young Rider, he says is ok; Spokane three day he says no, too much to do two in a row and he is not crazy about Rebecca because he doesn't want Duke to get all strung out and crazy; and for California, maybe, we'll see), lessons next week (Brooke is there for camp end of the week), and my job. John said the difference between Duke and Charlie is that when Charlie got going, he got on the forehand, but when Duke gets going, he is more on his hindquarters, which makes it easier to push him forward to the fence - and more comfortable to push him and ride over those fences too.
THEN we rode.
We started by shortening his stride at the walk, and then trotting with just a tiny bit of outside bend.  From there, we got him bent to the inside, and then John had us do a lot of lateral work.  First we came down the centerline, changing direction each time.  John said to line up with the judge, and then use the judge to stay in the same line, so we block A and from the judge's view A is blocked the entire ride.  Then we did a quarter line to the wall, then lengthening on the long side, then we did canter lengthenings on the long side.  About mid-way through the lesson, a light bulb went off for Duke, and then he really tried to lengthen, and it was kind of amazing.  I rode around grinning, because I'd just ask him a little bit and he'd stretch out and then compress back.
We did some 15 meter circles, 10 meter circles, and turning at E then turning again at B.  Duke was sweet and compliant and tried and generous the whole lesson, and he was just an absolute delight to ride.
The takeaway, unfortunately, is that I can ride awesome when John is there, but I don't have enough of a grasp of it yet to be able to articulate everything we did.  It was a lot of feel and not as much step-by-step memorization like I've been doing.  Sweet Duke got sweaty, and afterwards, we walked down the road to cool off, and even then he still had a foamy butt.
Man, I love lesson days.