Disappointment and revitalization

 Last week, Duke had one of his meltdowns. It was (probably not coincidentally) after a few unpleasant days at work (after a few unpleasant months at work). But for whatever reason - like when we got eliminated at EI last fall, it just crushed me. Despite a few days of nice weather, I just couldn't bear to get back on him, and when I got to John's for my lesson, I asked if I could just ask questions instead of get on and ride.

John's plan:

- Duke comes for a month to Caber, John does most of the riding (4x). I take a couple lessons, maybe ride once a week by myself. See if I miss him. John thinks I will.

- Ride Duke with his metal bit, not his Happy Mouth.

- John will think about making me a weekly schedule for me to follow. But if Duke is having a melt down day, I have to respond to him, not strictly follow the schedule. He'll also think about how I'm prone to do exactly the same exercise we were working on in a lesson until he teaches me a new exercise.

- John comes to teach me at my house, to see how Duke is 5/7 of the time I ride him, instead of how he is at Caber.

- We stay strict with the Duke at Caber 1/2 of every week, with 1 John ride, two lessons, and a ride in between. 

- Duke gets leased to someone for this year (maybe next year) when I am working too much to ride him enough.

- I get Duke a companion - either a project horse (not enough time) or a pasture mate. 

- Duke gets boarded:  either at Jess's or John's, depending on Covid (not enough time).

- Duke gets sold.

John's thoughts:

- Duke is quirky, and I am underestimating how well I ride him. John can see the improvements from when he got here 4 1/2 (?!) years ago, but I can only see the flaws.

- He thinks that like the refusing to be caught, Duke knows how to push my buttons and does it sort of on purpose, where those aren't John's buttons, so John just ignores it when Duke does it.

- Sometimes I need to just have fun with him. Like just ride him around in the pasture and sit on him.

- Try to unwind from work before I get on him.

- Try to unwind from work. John thinks that working from home is not good for me. I am working too many hours, not doing anything else, and heading towards burnout because there's no break. 

- Duke will be easy to lease, but there are a lot of disadvantages, and harder to sell for what he is "worth" because he needs a particular rider. He's not difficult, like John's other horses are, but he's not easy.

- John thinks I have too much emotionally invested in Duke ("like a Jewish mother") where he's just a horse that John rides. Like "I bought you this 5 acres, why can't you bend left for me?"

- He thinks that bending to the left is Duke's pitfall. And so I can't do "bend, bend, BEND!" even though I "should" be able to, because Duke gets it in his head that he's unbalanced and then he has a panic attack. He said it has to be "bend, bend, Bend, Bend, BEND, BEND!" (Andrea was saying today that Cheeto - another OTTB - also doesn't bend left and just gets idiotic about it, where he goes totally normal to the right. Duke was too, the first year, and has gotten better, but still hates bending left when he's going right.)

- Re the emotional investment, he doesn't have a problem with me riding another horse - especially if it is one that isn't mine. I will look at it as riding, not as ego.

- I need to jump him more regularly. Riding Duke dressage all the time isn't fun for him or me. Jumping him reminds me why I have him - his snotty arrogant attitude on the flat is WHY I have him - for cross country.

- John says don't underestimate that Duke took me around prelim clear. He says it's not a big deal to me, but it's a really big deal to him.

- Finally, I do need to ride him different at home because I don't have an arena wall. So when Duke is drifting left instead of bending, I need to use the outside rein to make a fake wall. We practiced on a circle.