SPECTACULAR Willig! Cross-country champion!

Beginning mid-morning today, I had a big, nasty ball of fear in my stomach about today's lesson. I had intellectually intelligently asked Shannon to jump the x-c jumps outside, but emotionally wrenchingly didn't want to. And yesterday Willig was full of pep and vinegar, and although I was able to warm him up on the non-scary side of the arena, I gave up and put him on the lunge line (where he lunged himself for 30 minutes with mucho bucking) for the far side. (I did ride him both dressage tests after that, but he was pretty sweaty and jerky.) This wasn't entirely his fault, because I had a week where each day went wrong on its own, making his only ride with J on Thursday.
The course was down because the arena got dragged this week, so Shannon had us warm up on a circle (Willig needs to pay attention and be very responsive to my aids. And when he ignores me, whip him and make the "eettcch!" sound), then in between the standards (scary pile of stuff), then down a bit farther (where of course, the *&#&*(#& poodle came out).
Then she set up trot ground poles, both directions, then canter ground poles, both directions, then a big canter ground poles that eventually I had to do in a 2-point both directions. Then a cross-rail, both directions, a vertical, both directions, a vertical that sneaky got higher in between, both directions, and then an oxer that got fairly impressive looking. This didn't take nearly as long as it sounds.
The message was ride him assertively, and RIDE him to the fence. Look at it as I come around the corner, give him a couple of balancing half-halts but keep him MOVING towards it, and then sit back, kick him, and let him jump it.
The oxer especially, it helped me to think 1-2-1-2 about half way across on the circle (if the fence was 3:00, I started thinking it at 9:00) to help me keep the rhythm and not rush or slow down towards the fence. It also helped me breathe, which I was having a hard time doing.
Then we went out into the field.
We went straight to the little baby log from a trot. Willig tried immediately to dart left, then dart right when that didn't work, and I jammed him over it. And Shannon said, at the end, that it set the stage for the rest of the jumps. I was supposed to ride him straight after, trot, then halt. Then we turned around and jumped it again, heading back towards the barn. And he was hard to stop. So Shannon showed me how to plant one hand on his neck, and use the other hand to pull (and release) HARD. So we flipped back and forth like that for a while.
Then she set up blue barrels next to the next fence, and we had to jump those both directions. And the message was: "don't jump like a pansy". Ride him to the jump, even if I'm scared, ESPECIALLY if he's scared too.
By the way, I had offered Willig a deal when I was getting him out of the paddock. If he'd take care of me today, with my big ball of fear in my gut, I'd take care of him next time. And he pretty much came through for me.
So then we jumped little log, turned around, and came back and jumped barrels.
And then we jumped little log, turned around, and came back and jumped novice level angle.
And oh. my. lord. Willig jumped like an angel.
And we did it again. And he jumped it like an angel again.
So with my jaw hanging open, other than begging Shannon to stop while we were ahead (and she pointed out she had three decent x-c size fences, so we were doing three fences), we went to the intimidating looking log pile. It has, maybe 1' length logs, but two big piles on the end, so it looks big, so she said Willig could look at it. And we approached it at what felt like an awfully fast walk for stopping in front of it, and then I felt him rock back on his haunches, and she said he lifted his front leg, ready to clamber over it like he is supposed to do! He's hilarious.
We actually jumped it from the other direction, going around a patch of scary trees (birds must sit in there and make noises or something), and he ... jumped it like an angel. And then again.
He was totally carrying me and while he looked at each one, he didn't hesitate for a second, and he jumped them like a sweet, floating pegasus.
So then we went to the one that looks the most intimidating to me - it's on a bit of a hill going down and has a log in front of it, so it looks bigger (Shannon swears it's not). And we walked towards it first, to get our line, and then swooped right around and trotted it.
...
Angel again.
He just jumped it divine.
And I started laughing and patting him and then: "Eeek! A bird! Holy shit!" and he spun around and I lost my stirrup, but thanks to his new improved spooking, he just stopped after that.
So we jumped it again. Angel jumping, but spooked at the bird again.
So we rode circles, leg yielding out towards the tree with the bird, and then jumped it again, and then Mr. Perfect did a perfect straight line with an ear towards the bird but that was it.
He was divine.
So all that patience has, maybe, paid off. That's an important lesson for you kids. Trust your trainer and build his confidence, even if you want to do something bigger. And also, most of this - ok, for today, all of this - is coming from me and my scary fall and wow - that really did a number on my mental side.
So I'm going to stick with the program because if we can get really comfortable doing this at home, the shows will be no big deal.
Yay, yay, yay Willig!