Bad Horse = Good Lessons (and a big slice of humble pie)

Ok, so I had this doozy of a cold. I probably should have cancelled my lesson, but I'm tired of wimping out about jumping, so I asked if we could just do an easy lesson. We started out working on Willig's impulsion and bend - by doing some spiraling in circles in both directions and keeping him bent to the inside (look at those eyelashes!).
That was all pretty decent, and so Shannon got out a tiny little cross rail jump with a couple of the guiding ground poles one stride out. By "tiny", I mean it was maybe 6" in the center.
She set it up in the center of the arena, so we had the "condensed" short area to jump in, which meant I had to work on exquisite control. The first couple times over were a little awkward and Shannon said that just like on the flat, I need to make him jump the first jump like I want him jumping at the end. It's up to me, and I'm just (STILL! ARRGH!) along for the ride.
Then she put ...
one ...
tiny ...
orange ...
cone ...
under the cross rail.

And the mayhem started.

As we came around the corner, Willig spotted the cone - I felt him squirm a bit - but before I could react at all (Problem #2 - my slow reaction time) - he bolted to the right, I went over his left shoulder - and blammo! Nailed the ground with my butt.
I mean, seriously. A tiny orange cone. It's like the LEAST scary thing an eventer will ever have to jump over. It was even on it's side, NOT making the "jump" one inch taller to the threatening 7".
Shannon got him and led him over the fence over and over and over again, until he was voluntarily stepping over it (and let me point out - it was not an effort for Shannon to step over the fence, but it sure was for Willig), and then I got back on.
Now, if I'm remembering the order correctly, we walked over (he hesitated) until he quit hesitating, then trotted over it.
Then she flipped the cone to the other side, and we went towards it from the other side and he - DID IT AGAIN.
Seriously. Only this time I didn't fall off. And I was pissed.
Oh yeah - and he added in a good buck.
And when I smacked him with the whip - he bucked back. (Replace that "b" with an "f" and you've got a good idea what he was telling me and what I was thinking back.)
So Shannon had me ride him in a tight canter circle (like I mentioned, I was sick, and weak, with a booming cough, and I was having a really hard time with the effort) and then expanded it out when he started to behave.
Then we walked it from that side - he acted up AGAIN - and Shannon did something we've never done in a lesson before - she took my whip - took the reins under his chin - I held onto the breastplate - and then she whipped him. From both sides.
And then led us over the 6" fence at a walk. [NOTE: Two lessons later, Shannon pointed out that she wasn't whipping him for the sake of whipping him, but making him move his legs when she asked, just like a leg aid would do. I completely missed that at the time, because my brain was pretty much seizing up.]
Multiple times.
By this point, I wanted to cry.
So then we did it again from the walk, and he'd try to trot it, and she made us do it until I was the boss (the big take-away lesson) and then we did it at the trot, and then we went back and did it from the other side, and he wanted to be afraid, but went over it anyway.
And so:
I am too passive. I don't react quickly enough, and I'm not the "boss". Even though I'm micro-managing everything, when it comes to the fence, I'm just like a dummy sitting up there. And I mean like one of those car crash dummies that just sits there, strapped in, and passively waits for whatever comes.
He was also being a shit. And it took a LOT of effort to get that out of him. I have no idea why because he's certainly jumped things scarier than a cone before - he's seen cones easily a thousand times - and the day before J was riding him and he was just fine. (i.e. it wasn't that he hadn't been jumped in a month or not ridden for a week)
He takes advantage of speed. When we're trotting - or heaven forbid cantering - he does use it to his advantage to dart out to the side. That's his thing. His other thing is bucking when he's smacked with the whip.
I need to ride into the fence defensively (legs in front of me, leaning back - preferable to hit him in the mouth and bang on his back than to go over his shoulder), but controlling him (I say what speed we trot/walk/canter the fence), and ready to WHIP him if he hesitates. And if he runs out, he halts immediately and we go right back to the fence until he goes over it.
This isn't about height. It's not like this thing was 4' and he wasn't sure he could make it. My DOG could have stepped over it without hardly lifting his leg higher than normal.
So ... it totally sucked having such a bad lesson, but I'm really glad it was during a lesson and not on my own so I got a lot of good information about how to deal with it, and so Shannon could get a better rounded picture of what it's like for me working with him the days we're not having lessons (not that he is like this 99% of the time - this is like a 1% thing that unfortunately tends to be 90% AT horse shows).
Fortunately, I have a lesson with Mike tomorrow and another lesson with Shannon next Saturday, so we'll get to build on this in close proximity.
Which is good because I didn't ride Sunday, and today I turned a little jump with two cones into three trot poles with the two cones in the middle, and the ding dong couldn't handle it again. I tried the same thing we did in the lesson (controlled, but firmly and defensively going over it) until it wasn't a big deal, and then we did it at the trot until it wasn't a big deal and then we quit, but what the hell? It's orange cones!!