John knows the answer to everything

Here is what is frustrating - brain understanding is nowhere near the same as muscle memory.  It is like watching paint dry waiting for my muscles to catch up with my brain, but I'm not sure, other than running through the checklist each time I'm ride, how to speed that up beyond what we're already doing.
Charlie's run out xc:
I probably had long reins; + Charlie long and stretched out on the forehand; + rode aggressively into the ditch; + then relaxed; + probably rode a bit to the left of center (because the right leg is stronger than the left); = Charlie can't fit two stretched out strides in, is already angling left to give himself more space, and then is like what the hell, I'm already way over here, and at the last second, just runs out.
The second one was most likely him just being naughty.
The biggest error?  I said "Well, it was cross country so I was relaxed and not worried like I am for dressage and show jumping."  And the remarkable show jumping round the next day?  Because I was so pissed I actually rode it instead of cruising around waiting for Charlie to take care of everything.
I also said "I didn't have any trouble with the hard fences" and John took that as proof that when I'm riding, I ride fine, but when I'm relaxed and just cruising around (all of which was painfully true), I expect poor Charlie to just figure it all out and do it.
He said he sees it even with prelim riders; they have refusals before or after the hard fence because they are thinking about that fence - or relaxing because it's done - and not riding every fence.  He also said that usually when someone blows dressage, they ride great the next two days because they're so mad that they really ride. 
Lessons:
Keep my reins shorter.  If I can't keep them short, then shorten them back up between each fence.
Keep Charlie in between my legs and in the center of the fences.
Ride every fence like he is going to refuse.  Relax afterwards, then ride the next fence like he is going to refuse.
Don't let him get strung out and on the forehand - get big, but not long.
Keep the contact on the outside rein.  Don't yank him around with the inside hand.
Don't squeeze like an anaconda.  Aid is calf off-on-off-on, and if he's ignoring me, a hard off-on and a big smack with the whip.  Stop lifting my heels as the harder aid.
It was actually a relief, even if a huge slice of humble pie, for John to label it and tell me how to fix it.
He had us ride a course with a combination, and the first time through was irrefutable proof - I had jumped in, drifted way over to the left, and you could see Charlie's take off hoof prints from almost at the edge of the fence.
The good news?  I still have a lot more time to think than I did at this time last year, and I am starting to be able to feel my heels come up, which I think is step 2 towards being able to get them down.
We also looked at my rainy season training schedule, and John approved it:
Monday - off
Tuesday - Dressage
Wednesday - Jump
Thursday - Shannon rides
Friday - Dressage
Saturday - Lesson at John's
Sunday - Condition