Brutal ride with Major Beale

I can't tell if I'm the worst rider in the world or the dumbest rider, or some combination of the two.  I cried the whole way back to the barn from frustration with myself, and then I tried to convince myself it is just because I've never ridden 2nd level (and neither has Charlie) so we both are at the point where it stopped being easy and now we'll have to really work at it.  Then I convinced myself that was a way to stroke my ego and instead I should face the cold hard truth that I'm just not that good of a rider - I'm a Triangle - and poor Charlie has been toting me this whole time.
I can't tell.  I have no idea.
I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall, and I'm not even sure it's the right brick wall, and I have absolutely no clue whether I beat it long enough if I will start to wear a hole in it and break through to the next level, or if I'm just giving myself a concussion.  How do you tell that?  How do you tell when you've gone as far as your particular talent is going to take you vs. working hard to improve?  And how do you tell what to work on if you've never been there before and have no idea where you're going?
What I heard Major Beale say was that where we ended today was better than where we started yesterday (agreed, something that happens with each ride with him) but he also said we had "regressed" since October.  That throws me into a frenzy.  Am I so bad I can't tell that?  Because I thought we were riding much better than in October.  And if I can't tell that, what else can't I tell?  The whole thing seems hopeless if I've gotten worse when I thought I was getting better.
Kevin came and videoed, and what I did not hear was the "good"s, which also makes me crazy.  I need to know what is good, what is bad, and how to improve what is bad.
We did essentially the same thing as yesterday, the 20 meter circle to a 12 meter circle, haunches to the outside, leg yield out to the 20 meter circle, then lengthen the trot or canter.  Then we did some shoulder-in.
He says we both need to work harder, and Charlie doesn't need a lot of warm up but needs to be "jazzed up" because he's lazy.