Riding for Simpletons

That's basically the book I need.  Are you a nimrod with no common sense who doesn't think for herself?  Then this book is for you!
Seriously - today John had me jump the same oxer on a line to the vertical that we did on Friday, and then asked me why I jumped the oxer fine but was off for the vertical, and I was all "dunno", and he was like "Which leg did you use for the oxer?"  - Answer - right leg, because it was the outside leg (we turned left to get to it).  Then I was turning right after the vertical so which leg should I have used?  Answer - left leg - because the outside switched.  Guess which leg I was using?  Correct!  The right leg.  Because he told me to use it on the first fence, so I just kept using it.  Seriously - I want to hit myself.  And it never, ever would have crossed my mind if he hadn't asked me.
He said I have to start thinking about that, keeping Charlie between my legs and that means thinking about where I'm going and which leg I need to use.
Charlie was an absolute trooper.  After hauling down there Friday, then Saturday PC and Major Beale, then Sunday a long PC and Major Beale day, then I pulled him off the grass and hauled him down again, to work HARD.  He didn't seem stiff or sore or mad about working either.
Mostly I just asked John to answer all the questions I had with Major Beale.  John mostly agreed, although he characterized things in a different way, creating a new realization, which is that I trust John and am comfortable asking him dumb questions.  Like "why am I so dumb and not getting this?"
Which is actually a good question.  Because am I dumb and not getting it?  Have I been working on the same thing for the last three years?  There's an easy way to find out - read back in my own blog.  This one.
On the other hand, are my expectations wrong?  John pointed out he rarely gives me dressage lessons (in fact, he has given me exactly two I think), and so why in the world would I think I would know it perfectly?
He also said Charlie isn't a pulling horse, he's a lazy horse, so I have to use a lot of leg.  On a pulling horse, I'd have to use a lot of arm.
I asked him whether I shouldn't go to EI, whether I was a Triangle and didn't know it, why wasn't I getting it, and whether he hated teaching me because I was his dumbest, slowest student.  He said I might lose at EI and so what?  And I said worse, I might fall off, and he asked whether I had come anywhere close to falling off the last two lessons (no) so why would I even think that?
So the dumb common sense thing I hope gets corrected by Pony Club, because the learning the "why" behind the reasons (today John asked me why I kept the noseband so loose and I said "because Shannon told me to" and he said "what is it for?" and I was all "dunno.  To hold his mouth shut?" and thinking to myself "read the chapter on bridle fit, dummy"), and the thinking through the ride and explaining it - I think those two things will hopefully help me get off my reliance on other people kick.
Which was John's final takeaway - I said "yes, this is all well and good that I can ride when you are telling me at each step what to do, but I can't do it by myself" and John said that was the problem.  I have to figure it out for myself.  I have to pause, think back to my lesson, and then do the pieces one at a time by myself.  He said the most important thing is to GO.  Then after that, to half halt on the outside, but use my go aid.  Then to bend to the inside but know that he's going to bulge out to the outside, so use my outside half halt and go aid.  And just to think it through and put them together one at a time by myself.
It was interesting how he did say the same things as Major Beale, but in a different way, and it was easier for me to understand, and easier for me to think "ok, I can break it down in these steps and do this by myself" whereas with Major Beale, it just feels like magic that Charlie is doing amazing things with me on him, and then I am totally at a loss how to replicate it by myself.
So when I get up the nerve, I will look back at my blog entries and see if I am a moron and still working on the same old things.  I don't think I am, because two years ago I couldn't sit the trot, my main lesson was to keep my heels down, and to stop my hands from pulling back.  Now it is turning him from the outside so he doesn't bulge through the outside shoulder.
But it is still so, so hard to get the lift instead of the speed.  I don't know if that is core or hands that stops it.
Anyway, our lesson was to warm up on the circle, and then working on that same thing, where Charlie bends to the inside (sometimes first to the outside, then holding the connection to the outside, change his bend to the inside), then I use one leg at a time then both legs together to get him poofing up.  It is a lot of outside half halts, bend, and one leg or the other then both legs.  I am going to really buckle down and work on it.  John said that my leg was pretty sloppy when I got back from Belize, but that my jump lesson last Friday was pretty good and he was surprised because he hadn't seen me in a while and he thought I'd just puke around.  So there's that.
So we just jumped the two lines a few times, but mostly we worked on the circles trying to get Charlie round.  John showed me with his hands how hard it is to get Charlie to flex to the right (but he's stiff to the left on a circle) and how I have to get him to FLEX and then I release.  And he also showed me how the aids vary, a steady push, vs. a tap tap tap, vs. a tap tap tap down low and up high (the crop), and then just a spastic tapping with both, which is too much and Charlie tunes it out.  John thinks I get frustrated and just tap both at random and it doesn't make any sense to Charlie.  He said to make it as simple and clear as possible (hence the simpleton).
Also, the noseband is to keep his jaw from opening.  Since I don't jerk on Charlie's mouth, I can tighten it up a lot.  Shannon rode with it on 1, I ride with it on 2, and he put it on like 5!
As always, it was a tremendously helpful lesson.  I would just about give my right arm to be able to ride with John every day, but I guess then I wouldn't learn to do it myself.