"Educational" growth opportunity jump lesson

This week's jump lesson with Andrea and Allison was very different than last week's. It was a pretty rough week emotionally. Duke was kind of a shit yesterday; spooky and resistant and anxious and jumpy. I forgot my jump saddle and had to borrow Allison's. So ... hot start.
Then John had us work on flying lead changes, which Duke can't do for shit. So after limping through a couple tries, we worked on 10 meter circles for what felt like an hour, with Allison and Andrea watching.
John told me not to drill it at home, but it was basically a 10 meter circle, walk, pick up other canter stride, repeat. I could add some counter bend and try a push with the (new) inside leg to jump him, but it never made a difference and I'm sure as shit not going to work on that without John watching.
So Duke was in a huff because we asked him to do something new.
We did some cross rails, we did a vertical. He was all "fuck you, I'm going to dive down and race over the fence" so I'd be trying to half halt him, and instead he'd slllooowwwwww way the fuck down and then have to heave over the fence. Or he'd bolt over it and skid around the next corner. It was getting exhausting. So then he just went straight through the fucking fence, knocking down both poles (it was an oxer) the standards, the ground rails. I was on his neck, and he wanted to take off, and I couldn't get my stirrup back, and etc. etc. When I tried to make him behave after, he had a complete and utter melt down, with the refusing to go forward and only turning his head and his heart having a panic attack. He was frozen until John walked up, then bolted off.
So then John made us work for what felt like another hour while Allison and Andrea sat there, doing shoulder-in, halt, shoulder-in again, halt, etc. and then every once in a while a lengthen across the diagonal instead of a halt.
It was much much much harder to do going to the right than going to the left. Going to the right he was basically a wreck. John said not to even try straightening him after the halt, just let him go the direction he is pointing, then bring him back to the rail and start over.
So John felt it that one time in Spokane, but now he's gotten to give me a lesson while it was going on. He thought it was really big steps forward - he said now that he's seen Duke do it, he can start developing tools how to work with it. Earlier on the flying lead, he said all I could feel was the frustration that we couldn't get a change, but he could see how good Duke's canter was getting, how light and responsive he was getting, and so he can see the potential for what Duke will be able to do in the future.
I guess. It just felt like I'm a crap rider.