Down in the dumps post

Saturday was really windy, and with some time off that week, Willig was full of joie la vie (i.e. he had a couple good bucks on the lunge line), so I ended up using my lesson to discuss the merits of selling him, the progress he's made, what I want to do, and the like.
Today it was windy again, and he was Mr. Placid on the lunge line, and then, even when a wall of wind hit the barn like a tsunami, hardly flicked an ear. Willig's Motto: "Consistent Only In My Inconsistency". Maybe that's the motto for all horses, though.
Actually, it gets right to the heart of what was bothering me about my lesson. I was running through the same ruminations with Mike, and he pointed out that in his experience, a horse doesn't change its personality based on its work; i.e. a willing, patient horse who puts up with a lot of noodly banging around inside (ahem - my interpretation of me riding dressage) is probably going to be a willing, patient horse who puts up with a lot of crap over fences. But Willig isn't. And THAT'S what's weird. Why not? And what can I do about it? And have I really tried everything there is to try? And is it - horrors - me? Am I really just kind of a lousy, backyard rider? Is it ME who hates the fences? And if so, why do I think that I like them?
So Mike pointed out the obvious - if I'm not in the mood for hard work, and he's had a few days off, after I lunge him, just put him on the freaking draw reins already (NOT over fences, though, kids). Choose my fights, as Shannon said for Saturday's wind.
Then he pointed out that we warm up like slugs (these are my words). I drag around and around, and maybe a couple laps in actually start pulling things together. He's told me this before. Get on him and get riding, especially when he's had a few minutes on the lunge line.
From here we went to working on left bend, and trying to find whatever it is in me that holds the right side so tight. He had me bend with the left rein, leg yield with the left leg, then open with the right hand (like I'm going "ta-da" sweeping my hand out to the right), holding my right leg out and away from him, and then putting more weight in the right stirrup. (I was too chicken with the wind to try it, but he said ride with only one stirrup as a good exercise.)
And after a while, I started to be able to feel a bit more. This is weird, because this is the biggest feeling block I've ever hit. Like I can lean back (i.e. get vertical) and I feel "Woo! I'm falling backwards onto my back!") but when he says "pull left and leg yield to the right" I can BARELY feel it. Way later, at the end of the lesson, I pointed out that I could feel it when we were on a little circle, but around 15 meters was where I stopped being able to feel it and had to look to see where his head and neck was. So Mike said "so look then".
We did that for a long time, which was frustrating.
Then he had us ride down past the scary end where "the wind blows up his tail" and Willig didn't want to go past, but after a couple times, gave in and was like "fine". We went past with the leg yielding over - i.e. staying off the rail to give myself enough space to move him by leg yielding so that I have space to get closer and not ram right into the back wall.
Then we did some canter work, holding the outside rein contact steady so that Willig can't lift his head with the transition. Again, the first couple times he was confused because we were doing something different (he so loves to reveal that the flaws all come from me), but then he got it, and then quit trying to lift his head at all - even when we switched directions.
And this goes to my starting point. I don't get it. He's so willing and eager to please, almost, smart even. He knows all this dressage stuff already, and is just waiting for me to give the correct aids. So why are fences so freaking hard? My other horse friend was telling me how she brought her horse out to Aspen to school, and he just did every BN fence - even the big canoe. And here I am, AT HOME, and Willig can't do a 2' thing. What's the deal?
So then we dropped my left stirrup, got the whip across my left leg, and then got on a little 10-12 meter circle going left, and bent his head and neck to the left, while I pushed his hindquarters out with the whip and my leg. And then grew the circle out to 20 meters, and then did it again. And again, he caught on to this after just a few times and did it just fine.
So take away: be firm, consistent, and the boss about the contact and the bending.