Disappointment and revitalization

 Last week, Duke had one of his meltdowns. It was (probably not coincidentally) after a few unpleasant days at work (after a few unpleasant months at work). But for whatever reason - like when we got eliminated at EI last fall, it just crushed me. Despite a few days of nice weather, I just couldn't bear to get back on him, and when I got to John's for my lesson, I asked if I could just ask questions instead of get on and ride.

John's plan:

- Duke comes for a month to Caber, John does most of the riding (4x). I take a couple lessons, maybe ride once a week by myself. See if I miss him. John thinks I will.

- Ride Duke with his metal bit, not his Happy Mouth.

- John will think about making me a weekly schedule for me to follow. But if Duke is having a melt down day, I have to respond to him, not strictly follow the schedule. He'll also think about how I'm prone to do exactly the same exercise we were working on in a lesson until he teaches me a new exercise.

- John comes to teach me at my house, to see how Duke is 5/7 of the time I ride him, instead of how he is at Caber.

- We stay strict with the Duke at Caber 1/2 of every week, with 1 John ride, two lessons, and a ride in between. 

- Duke gets leased to someone for this year (maybe next year) when I am working too much to ride him enough.

- I get Duke a companion - either a project horse (not enough time) or a pasture mate. 

- Duke gets boarded:  either at Jess's or John's, depending on Covid (not enough time).

- Duke gets sold.

John's thoughts:

- Duke is quirky, and I am underestimating how well I ride him. John can see the improvements from when he got here 4 1/2 (?!) years ago, but I can only see the flaws.

- He thinks that like the refusing to be caught, Duke knows how to push my buttons and does it sort of on purpose, where those aren't John's buttons, so John just ignores it when Duke does it.

- Sometimes I need to just have fun with him. Like just ride him around in the pasture and sit on him.

- Try to unwind from work before I get on him.

- Try to unwind from work. John thinks that working from home is not good for me. I am working too many hours, not doing anything else, and heading towards burnout because there's no break. 

- Duke will be easy to lease, but there are a lot of disadvantages, and harder to sell for what he is "worth" because he needs a particular rider. He's not difficult, like John's other horses are, but he's not easy.

- John thinks I have too much emotionally invested in Duke ("like a Jewish mother") where he's just a horse that John rides. Like "I bought you this 5 acres, why can't you bend left for me?"

- He thinks that bending to the left is Duke's pitfall. And so I can't do "bend, bend, BEND!" even though I "should" be able to, because Duke gets it in his head that he's unbalanced and then he has a panic attack. He said it has to be "bend, bend, Bend, Bend, BEND, BEND!" (Andrea was saying today that Cheeto - another OTTB - also doesn't bend left and just gets idiotic about it, where he goes totally normal to the right. Duke was too, the first year, and has gotten better, but still hates bending left when he's going right.)

- Re the emotional investment, he doesn't have a problem with me riding another horse - especially if it is one that isn't mine. I will look at it as riding, not as ego.

- I need to jump him more regularly. Riding Duke dressage all the time isn't fun for him or me. Jumping him reminds me why I have him - his snotty arrogant attitude on the flat is WHY I have him - for cross country.

- John says don't underestimate that Duke took me around prelim clear. He says it's not a big deal to me, but it's a really big deal to him.

- Finally, I do need to ride him different at home because I don't have an arena wall. So when Duke is drifting left instead of bending, I need to use the outside rein to make a fake wall. We practiced on a circle.

Increasing the depth is using outside hand and inside leg

 Because I was all frazzled about an upcoming appellate oral argument, I knew I was going to have trouble focusing, and so John only gave me a few things to remember. So I hopefully can remember them all.

First, when I pick up the reins, or make any other movement, I don't have to do it huge and abruptly. I like GRAB the reins and move jerkily. I can be more subtle.

Second, John suspects part of Duke's anxiety isn't so much from "noisy" hands (like I was thinking, after he had a few days with John and then had to "listen" to me), but from me giving too many aids too quickly. He said Duke isn't terribly responsive, so I give an aid, he doesn't immediately respond, so I give a different one. He said give Duke a second or two between aids, to make the communication about each aid more clear and distinct.

Third, we worked on making Duke more round (more deep). The aids are simple, but have been elusive for me. It is getting the correct amount of inside bend, holding inside hand steady, and then doing squeeze/release with outside hand to make him round. And inside leg to that hand to keep him moving forward, and then sometimes outside leg to keep him from bulging out on the circle instead of going round.

So. Simple.

Yet has been completely out of my grasp until yesterday.

We also talked about Duke's incident at Caber 1.0 and why it wasn't the same at Caber 2.0, and what to try different. We both agreed that last year's approach (lesson Wed, John rides Thurs, I ride Fri, lesson Sat) helped me learn much more quickly than just lessons twice a week. There was something about riding him after John rides him that really helps. John thinks I'm just more confident in my feel, but I think that Duke "talks" to me better after he's been ridden by John. We'll see if that helps.

A few days with John, and it's like riding a different horse

 Duke felt completely different today. He was balanced, he didn't chew on the bit, he didn't yank on my hands, I didn't have to nag him with my leg, it felt like his back was lifted. When I gave an aid he responded. I don't quite know how to describe everything that was different, but he was so easy and comfortable to ride. He didn't plunge towards the fences, it felt like we were going slow but we covered the ground.

John says for the show, to ride him in his jump bridle, that he likes it more, to leave him at Caber, he thinks it helps with Duke needing to pee, to wear the ear nets, and if he stops, to drop my legs out of the stirrups to try to surprise him into thinking I'm getting off. He said Duke can't learn that it's ok to stop and then he doesn't have to work anymore. (Although I also should have gotten back on him at Caber and just ridden the holy shit out of him in warm up.)

John said he wore ear nets (no real difference, because ...) Duke didn't really act up for John. He got tense once, but that was it. John says he thinks Duke is clever enough to know the difference on who is riding him, and he does what he thinks that rider prefers. Like John likes to add a stride and I like to lengthen. 

We did a little warm up, where I had to get him more round, then jumped a little cross rail, a vertical, and then a baby oxer, then an oxer 4 strides to a vertical (the first time we did it in five) on a bending line to the right, then oxer 5 strides to a vertical, and then oxer, 5 strides to vertical, right hand turn to a hard right turn to an oxer, 2 strides to a vertical, left turn, angle the oxer hard for a straight line to a vertical.

Duke was smooth and easy.

So I don't know if I'm mad or happy. Maybe a professional (or a better rider) could ride him. And if he's smart enough to not do it with John (granted, not at a show), then if we can just figure out what I'm doing that I need to change (too busy with my hands? inconsistent aids?) it will make Duke happy and me a better rider. But riding him feeling this good was also good/bad because I realized how stiff and unpleasant he is to ride most of the time.

John said the big thing on the flat was that Duke doesn't want to do the final bend. He gets stuck and gets mad and John just had to push him through it - make him bend and keep asking, don't give up.

For jumping, he said Duke wanted to grab the bit and rush at it (not quite those words) and he had to be patient. He said he was like "look asshole, you know how to put in a stride". 

What's next for Duke

 John asked Malcom to leave the speakers, so he will ride him with the sound. He thinks (like I do) that it is the speakers, and the sudden noise, and that it likely comes from something on the racetrack. He said that after last time, he rode Duke near the radio, but couldn't trigger the same response. We'll also try the noise muffling ear bonnets. When I said that it isn't all speakers, John said that it's the location of the speakers. The ring at Caber was right next to them (while the other rings aren't), at Aspen they're up on a hill, at Rebecca they're only in warm up, and at Spokane they're right next to the warm up. So it's the proximity too.

The other fix was that I was right to put him to work, but I shouldn't have given him a break. It's possible if I had kept him going (I misunderstood how many horses were before me before we went in) he might not have thought "whew, I'm done" and then been so angry when he went back to work.

And the last suggestion was to drop my feet out of the irons, to kind of snap him away and make him think I'm getting off.

John said it isn't about me as a rider, and that when Duke did it to him at Spokane it was 4 minutes of frozen, and he (John) couldn't get Duke out of it. But he said Duke's advantages outweigh this, and we just have to figure out a workaround. He said I'm the screw up (my words, not his) on cross country and jumping, that's on me, but this is 100% Duke and some past traumatic event (in Duke's mind). 

Eliminated in dressage at Caber, on second movement (halt)

Same as Whidbey, he got scared, had a panic attack, froze, and after a minute of refusing to move, we were eliminated. Then he spun in circles until the judge made me get off and lead him out. She thought he was going to start rearing.

Show record:

Preliminary

Caber - August 2020 - Eliminated dressage

EI - September 2019 - Eliminated cross country

Aspen - September 2019 - 2 refusals xc - 17/26 (17/18 finishers)

Caber - August 2019 - 1 refusal xc - 17/23 (17/20 finishers)

Rebecca - July 2019 - 2 refusals xc - 21/24 (21/21 finishers)

Inavale - June 2019 - 12.4 time xc (schooled water) - 7/18 (7/14 finishers)

Aspen - June 2019 - Eliminated cross country

EI - May 2019 - 1 refusal xc - 11/21 (11/15 finishers)

Modified

Spokane - May 2019 - 2 rails SJ - 6/12

Training

Spokane - October 2018 - 2 rails SJ - 9/29

Aspen - September 2018 - 3 rails SJ - 13/17

Young Riders - August 2018 - 2 rails SJ - 8/17

Rebecca - July 2018 - 4 rails SJ - 12/24

Whidbey - July 2018 - Eliminated dressage

Inavale - June 2018 - 1 rail SJ - 5/14

Aspen - June 2018 - 2 rails SJ - 7/21

EI - May 2018 - 3 rails SJ - 14/21

Spokane - May 2018 - 4.4 time xc - 9/14

2017 was a couple Novice shows, he didn’t get to WA until June

Horse Camp, Derby

This week we went to horse camp (cross country with Brooke, show jumping with Marc), schooled the cross country course and the dressage test, and then rode at the Prelim derby.
Brooke and Marc both had the same observation - shoulders back. Brooke said think that there's a parasail pulling my shoulders back and that I'm leading with my belt buckle, Marc said let Duke come up to me in the fences, don't throw myself forward like an 80s rider (especially the weird flourish overdramatic crest release).
Duke did great at dressage; he got three 5.0 or 5.5, but the rest of his scores were respectable 6.0 or above; he definitely seemed more consistent, relaxed, and forward and obedient than last year.
For show jumping he got his first double clear, despite a crazy ass left hand roll back turn and only 4 of us in prelim (out of 11) went double clear in show jumping (the others got one rail down).
He jumped into the water like it was no big deal, but our issue was the corners. I tried to line them up correctly, like Brooke said on Friday when we schooled, but he ran out (to the right) at the first one and then did a dead skid to a stop at the second one, even though I thought I had him on his haunches, lined up correctly, and was using my right leg.
So a few things to work on, but overall, actually really good.
What makes me uncomfortable is that I was super happy with him, even though we ended up in last place. We could have been in 5th! Against pros and intermediate horses! But instead we were dead last; two other horses had one stop, but he was the only one with two. Maybe I'm just getting delusional. And maybe we're not cut out for prelim. But it sure felt better than end of the season last year.

Jump lesson after a weekend of hard rain

I told John about Duke having one of his fits (well, multiple) when I tried to move him off my right leg (left leg yield) in draw reins. John said "yeah, it's the right leg aids." So now we know what it is.
We started with a warm up where Duke was frustratingly "inverted" - not quite, but he just wouldn't go forward and round. Yesterday, when I rode at home he felt great, so I got worried I can't feel it right at home, but then I realized I can totally feel the difference, I just don't know why he's softer and more relaxed at home (or something).
We went outside, John had us start over a little vertical, made it bigger, told me to bend him to the inside and then use my outside leg to keep him from drifting and look up and over and past the jump, and eureka. Smooth sailing from then on. Except for the time I forgot and stared down the jump.
We did that, then John made it bigger, than an oxer, then a three stride line, then a two stride line to the three stride line, then a narrow four stride line, etc.
The final two fences (narrow to oxer), the last three times we did them, the first time Duke walloped the narrow and knocked it down. So the next time through he went through tight as a tick, but over jumped and so came in a 1/2 stride short and walloped the oxer. So John had us do it a third time to see if Duke would tuck up his legs over both fences. Yes. So John says we have to figure out how to get him to think like that in warm up, so he goes into show jumping with his legs tight like a tick.
He also got cocky, like the third time through the gate to oxer, he was like "oh hang on, I can do this" and so I had to "whoa whoa" in between and also before set him down, but not slow him down.
I think that happens on course too, he gets all excited, grabs the bit, and gets long and flat and then we start screwing up.
John had me "go slow" in between one line and the next, and he talked all these different directions, and it turns out there was time for like 10 different instructions, so there's way more time than I think there is.
The narrow was about 3'7". Duke jumped it without even blinking.

Dressage lesson with counter canter

During today's lesson, John had us canter, cross the diagonal, counter canter around the far end, then cross the diagonal back to regular canter (and generally do a 10 meter circle there).
We also did some work on circles around him, leg yielding out, putting his haunches in, and mostly trying to get Duke to be both round and forward at the same time.
Duke got progressively better as the lesson went on; he started flinging his head in the air for transitions and ended with a perfectly square halt.
Last week we had a dressage lesson and jump lesson that I didn't blog about.
The jump lesson's main lesson was that I was incapable - TWICE - of remembering an entire course. Duke did great where I sent him over the jumps and I've started to be able to count strides in between the fences, but I still fucked up two courses in a row.

Another tough dressage lesson

We worked 40 minutes straight yesterday - hard work, and almost all of it at the sitting trot.
The "progress" news is that I can sit the trot through most of the movements for almost 40 minutes. Not elegantly, but a couple years ago, I wouldn't have believed it was possible.
We worked on 10 meter circles, changing direction, shoulder in, and a lot of leg yield. The leg yield was bend him OPPOSITE the direction we're going, and use outside rein to make sure he steps over enough with his hind legs.
The other tip John had was rather than pull my leg back for a stronger aid, turn my toe out and use the spur instead.
For trot, he said even though it feels like I'm sitting on a jackhammer, at sitting try to think left right left right so my hips swing, and at canter think sit glide sit glide. Thinking those helped a lot.
In other questions, John said a supplement should include glucosamine, but that I can try quitting smartpak for a month and see if it makes a difference.
He said that he does a "hack" day after a condition day, which is 20-30 minutes of walk and then a little bit of trot work.
He says sometimes he conditions in draw reins, and that I should be working Duke round, not letting him go all flat.
And for schooling at Spokane, he says ok to drive over and school xc same day, so long as Duke has several hours rest in between. He says if he goes lame from the drive/xc/xc/drive in two days, he was going to go lame in competition season.
I'd say it took until about minute 25 or 30 in the lesson before Duke started carrying himself and quit hanging so heavy on my arms with his head. John even tightened both his nose band and flash because he was gnawing on the bit so much.
John says none of us are working hard enough without the early shows, and that Rebecca is going to come up on his fast, so we need to start working much harder.

Hard (difficult) dressage lesson

John started by making me put my hands behind my back, lean back, and then roll my neck. He said that I'm coming in so tense, I'm curled up and balled up, and that means that when Duke pulls on me, my whole body tilts forward and back, because I'm not loose in my elbows and they can't move independently from my body.
It felt horribly awkward to roll my neck around and relax. It was awkward how awkward it was.

Then John made me a square and we started the lesson by walking shoulder in along the side, then doing a walking turn on the forehand at each turner, into another shoulder in. It probably took me three trips to figure out the feel, and then - only once - Duke got stuck, froze, I used outside leg, and we moved on. The hard part was - going right - doing shoulder in but also keeping him bent to the right and then turning in time to make the next corner of the square.
Then we turned it into a 15 meter circle - sort of but using the four center points of the square as the circle points, and keeping that same feel. Then a circle, then back to the four corners.
Then we did it at the trot. Yikes. It was so much faster and harder. Then we changed direction, and we didn't need to work as hard going to the left as we had to the right.

Then we switched to 20 meter circles and did our canter work, which for some reason just felt brutal today. Even though Duke was round and stepping decently under himself, at the canter, he was just HANGING on my hands, and my choices were either to slip the reins or let him pull my ass out of the saddle and thump around.
I had to hold his head with my hands, grip the reins like I was riding a rocket into space, and then tuck my pelvis and push my butt into the saddle.
John said Duke needs to understand that he can't keep taking-taking-taking the reins and then look round, but I don't actually have enough grip to make a turn or do anything with him.

It was a great lesson. Also, we established that John can't talk fast enough to tell me every aid. When he tells me to do something with my right leg, for example, my left leg just quits doing anything.

Dressage on Black Thursday for birds

We had a great dressage lesson today. Duke was a little stiff a couple rides ago, and pretty ok yesterday, but he got too sweaty for the level we worked. John started by holding the reins while I asked Duke to walk, and then he got Duke to go round just with his hands. I tried to watch what he was doing but it was hard to tell; I think outside hand stayed steady while inside hand used fingers only to squeeze and release. John had a couple other boarders riding, and for a while, we worked in two different 20 meter circles. He had me feel Duke bent in his body, but not in his neck, and then "plant" my outside hand so it didn't move, and use only my inside hand. If Duke tries to rise above the bit, I add more leg to push him into the contact, and then after a while, Duke was actually using his hind legs to push (and getting springy).
In the canter, John had me ride with my inside seat bone diagonal across the saddle towards his other shoulder, i.e. on the left lead, I'd slide my left seat bone towards Duke's right shoulder. This helped Duke balance or lift his shoulder or not drift out through his outside shoulder? I don't know, but it made him feel like he was a better arc around the turn.
We worked more on the 10 meter circles, and keeping him from drifting out or in, and something critical happened here - where John said when I feel "x" happening, do "y". Damn it.
When we changed directions on the 10 meter circles, John told me not to give away what has been the outside rein. So if we're going left, and we're about to turn right, don't throw away my right rein as we change directions. He says he thinks this is part of what I'm doing in the tests; that I get it almost all the way there, and then throw the reins away a little.
I was talking, and John told me to keep Duke round while he asked me questions; then he told me to keep talking while I was riding, which was impossible to do (pat head, rub belly), but it obviously did something John could see to the way Duke was moving.
John says he thinks I know the aids, I just hesitate to use them. Like I know "when this is happening, this is the correction" but then I don't trust myself to do it. He's right about that. I feel like if it isn't a disaster, it's a success, instead of asking Duke to try to be just a little rounder, just a little more forward.

Dressage on Mr Big Leg

Today was typical spring weather, with sunshine, then a downpour. I didn't notice anything until I was grooming Duke at John's, but he nicked the inside of his right hind leg, so the outside of his hock was swollen and warm.
John watched us at first, and said Duke was bearing weight equally on all legs, so we had a flat lesson.
John had us work on bend, but not letting the circle collapse in; me sitting up and dropping my leg (something that was especially hard for me today), then we did some 10 meter circles, long side, lengthen, 10 meter circle, then a leg yield, turn into the line, and lengthen.
Duke was great, and was super sweet on the ground before we got going (while I was waiting for John to look at his leg).
John said bute tonight, watch for increased swelling, increased heat, or a temperature (then he needs antibiotics and it might turn into cellulitis) but let him walk around on it tomorrow because it will be good for the swelling to have the movement.

Jump lesson indoors with Christa

It was an ugly rainy day, so Christa and I jumped inside.
John set up one fence, and we started it going to the right; he started it as a tiny cross rail and moved it up to a hefty (3'8"?) vertical, then we turned around and jumped it going to the left.
Then he lowered it a couple holes and turned it into an oxer.
Duke and I had a few off - either long or too tight, and then we got the rhythm of it. What I had to do was counterbend a little around the turn, then put my leg on, but then half halt, and then count from the turn to the fence. If I counted 1-2-3-4 from the far end of the arena, I could usually get the distance correct.
John said part of it is not letting him drift at the very last couple strides; he said the distance will be good, we'll be coming in steady and then we're 1' off because of the left drift at the end.
The jumps felt freaking huge, but I measured the oxer after and it was only 3'6" and so at best, a couple holes up, it was like 3'8"? Barely even competition height. Ugh - need to retrain my eye.

Dressage that made Duke quite quite sweaty

Duke and I worked with John on 10 meter circles, bending, leg yields, and half halts. At the end, Duke was insanely sweaty. Even his face. I wasn't.
He chewed on the bit and tried not to bend. John said "I know it's frustrating; it's frustrating to watch." He also said that the stubborn quality that made Duke refuse to listen to me Saturday was what makes him good at cross country, he'll stubbornly try to get over the fence.
It was - just changing the aids and trying to get him to respond. It was - John having to tell me every aid every step.
I could feel when he lifted his shoulders and was balanced; I can feel when he rounds and steps from under and up and over. But I can't feel why sometimes he does it and sometimes he doesn't.
John said no more group lessons; I get too worked up.
It was a really intense lesson, but I just don't know how to break it into little parts and describe it.

"Educational" growth opportunity jump lesson

This week's jump lesson with Andrea and Allison was very different than last week's. It was a pretty rough week emotionally. Duke was kind of a shit yesterday; spooky and resistant and anxious and jumpy. I forgot my jump saddle and had to borrow Allison's. So ... hot start.
Then John had us work on flying lead changes, which Duke can't do for shit. So after limping through a couple tries, we worked on 10 meter circles for what felt like an hour, with Allison and Andrea watching.
John told me not to drill it at home, but it was basically a 10 meter circle, walk, pick up other canter stride, repeat. I could add some counter bend and try a push with the (new) inside leg to jump him, but it never made a difference and I'm sure as shit not going to work on that without John watching.
So Duke was in a huff because we asked him to do something new.
We did some cross rails, we did a vertical. He was all "fuck you, I'm going to dive down and race over the fence" so I'd be trying to half halt him, and instead he'd slllooowwwwww way the fuck down and then have to heave over the fence. Or he'd bolt over it and skid around the next corner. It was getting exhausting. So then he just went straight through the fucking fence, knocking down both poles (it was an oxer) the standards, the ground rails. I was on his neck, and he wanted to take off, and I couldn't get my stirrup back, and etc. etc. When I tried to make him behave after, he had a complete and utter melt down, with the refusing to go forward and only turning his head and his heart having a panic attack. He was frozen until John walked up, then bolted off.
So then John made us work for what felt like another hour while Allison and Andrea sat there, doing shoulder-in, halt, shoulder-in again, halt, etc. and then every once in a while a lengthen across the diagonal instead of a halt.
It was much much much harder to do going to the right than going to the left. Going to the right he was basically a wreck. John said not to even try straightening him after the halt, just let him go the direction he is pointing, then bring him back to the rail and start over.
So John felt it that one time in Spokane, but now he's gotten to give me a lesson while it was going on. He thought it was really big steps forward - he said now that he's seen Duke do it, he can start developing tools how to work with it. Earlier on the flying lead, he said all I could feel was the frustration that we couldn't get a change, but he could see how good Duke's canter was getting, how light and responsive he was getting, and so he can see the potential for what Duke will be able to do in the future.
I guess. It just felt like I'm a crap rider.

Dressage in the sun

We rode in the nice April sunshine outdoors today. John had us work on "half steps" at the walk, then used it at the trot and canter. It's a different term than "collect" but I think has the same meaning; get Duke coiled up and then have him go forward, but with the energy coming from behind and up and over instead of out the front.
We started on a small circle, John took the reins to get his frame, and then I tried to replicate it. We did half steps, and tried to have him bend his body, not just his neck. The aids were easiest at the walk; I could hold my lower leg on and kind of lift him into my pelvis. I am not quite sure how to describe it. The hard part was to keep my seat moving; if I held my leg and didn't move my pelvis, he'd come to a halt.
At the trot we worked on the same, on the frame, but then added leg yield out to make the circle bigger. John said he wanted Duke's hind legs to cross; he wanted him to really step across himself. Here, he had to tell me to put my shoulders back, or to sit 4 degrees further back. I would roll forward.
I had to give different aids with everything - each hand was different, each leg was different, the seat was doing its own thing, and my shoulders something else. It was hard to keep them all in my head at once.
But it was worth it, because after the canter, we did the long side and we lengthened, and I could feel Duke lift his shoulders to kick his front legs out. This is three times now, maybe four, when I've felt it. It feels amazing. I can't believe Duke can do it. The first time, John had been riding him. But the second time, John walked me through it until I got it myself. The third time was at home, a surprise I got it at all. So today was the fourth.
Before that we cantered, John wanted transitions with no head lifting up above the bit. But I don't know how we got them; I don't remember the sequence of movements just before the aids. For down transitions though, it was the half step/collection and then holding my leg and pushing him down into the lower gait.
At the canter, it was hardest to keep my seat down, to keep my body leaning back. It's really not my seat, it's that his head pulls my arms down and I can either slip the reins or I can tilt forward. So that's good, if I know what is causing it, I can recognize it and stop it earlier. It's just thinking about sitting up/leaning back/someone pushing my collar bones back.
I could feel when Duke went over the top and got soft.  That's when I'm supposed to give with my hands. And when I did, he would lower his head, chew down.
I asked John after about Freddy - is it his body, his mind, his training, Alina's riding? John said it's like Michael Jordan; some horses are just very talented. He said if you ask him with your reins to do something, he holds it until the next thing you ask him to do.
I was impressed with Duke. I don't feel like I've been working him hard enough or consistent enough to be getting this good of movement out of him without John on him.

Dressage after a couple weeks at home

First I couldn't catch Duke, then work went haywire, then we had to shelter-in-place, so Duke and I were forced to try to remember everything John has taught us and apply it at home. I thought Duke was doing ok, but sometimes when I think that, I'm deluding myself. In this case, he really did seem to - if not improve, at least not go backwards, despite all the changes in our schedule and general life weirdness because of Covid.
We got to ride outside, in some nice, warm spring sunshine, and although John brought draw reins, we didn't need them.
We started with some trot work, where I completely could not get Duke round, then John had us do 10 meter circles, change direction, and spiral in and then push him out like a leg yield.
From there, he had me start sitting the trot (ugh), while telling me about 2000x to take up my reins. I'd need to counterbend Duke to get him to stop falling in, then go back to regular bend.
We did some canter, similar exercises, and John had us start the canter on some 10 meter circles even.
Then we went down the "long" side, did some circles off of it, then did leg yield both directions (keep him from drifting with the outside rein!), then shoulder in (I don't need my leg to ask for it, I just move his shoulders to the inside), for both - keep him bent to the "inside", then some leg yield, where Duke did the magic thing from a few lessons ago (and a few days ago at home) where I felt him lift up his shoulders and really kick his front legs out.
Then John had us work on the halt, with a square transition, stand, walk forward. When Duke got jiggy, he'd have me point him toward the center, then push him out to the "rail" again right away with my inside leg a few times, and then halt. After halting, we'd have to walk on still together, he had to do it properly a few times before he got a loose rein and to walk freely.
And man, he was sweaty and tired and yawning even!
Manny moved in yesterday and Duke is more than ecstatic to have a friend; he went through his stall door yesterday to hang out with Manny in the little run, and although he loaded pretty well, he was anxious about leaving Manny behind. I think he's codependent.
It was a good lesson; Duke felt really good and I was proud he was doing as well as he was even without lessons or John riding him for the past month. It made me feel like maybe all those years of lessons are finally showing that I have been learning something and progressing.

Jump lesson outside - with Alina and Freddy

On Friday, we had our first outside jump lesson at Caber for the year, in the gorgeous, warm sunshine. John had us ride with Alina and Freddy. We started by cantering over a cross rail, then we jumped a vertical with what would have been a difficult right turn through two fences but compared to the left turn was a cakewalk. John turned it into an oxer, then made us a few courses. Duke was NOT all grab the bit and go like he was when we first went outside last year, but we also already schooled at Tulip (*real* outside) so maybe it was just the first time out that he gets excited?
First course was uphill over an oxer, left turn to a slightly narrow vertical, left turn to the corner, right turn to angle over a vertical and squirt between it and the uphill oxer. The first time, we kind of flailed over the angled vertical, but the next time Duke cruised it. I asked John to lower the vertical the first time, but he just pretended to.
Then we did oxer, hard left turn (I'd call it a rollback) to angle over a panel, squirt through the hole in the fences to jump a vertical, right hand turn back over the oxer? Again, Duke jumped it great. John said he expected Duke to think that instead of going through the hole, he was supposed to jump the oxer at an insane angle, and so I did a good job rebalancing and focusing him in between the fences.
Last course ended with an angle angle in a two stride from the vertical to the oxer, which I thought was an insane angle and looked impossible, but Duke, again, just cruised it.
Duke was spectacular. Other than the one flail, he got to do each course just once. He's a good little jumper, loves to do it.
This week he's gotten some turn out and we're at six days of easily caught; yesterday he even waited at the fence for me to come get him, and a couple times walked up to me. Yesterday, we went on a walk around the block instead of going on a trail ride, just to get him a change of scenery. He got a little nervous and jigged a couple times, and was a little anxious about the mailboxes, but was a good boy who tried to hold his shit together.

Duke moved like John had just ridden him

Duke started out today kind of flat and sluggish.  John asked me what was wrong, and I started to list things, and he stopped me and told me to start fixing them, one at a time.  So we started with getting Duke forward.  John had me get him WAY more stepping than I would ever dream of doing by myself, and from there, we started to make him bend and then get round.  He said the same thing happens to me at shows, I get overwhelmed and I don't break it down into steps.  Just pick the first thing, work on it, and then work on the next thing.  And hot damn, it worked like a charm.  After we got forward, we worked on bend (Duke was stiff in his jaw) so I moved bent his neck to the inside, then to the outside.  If he tried to fall in, I pushed him out with my inside leg, and then when he tried to bulge out, I used my outside aids to keep him on the circle.  From there, we went to 10 meter circles and then pushing him in and pushing him out, just to get him to bend his body.  On the 10 meter circle, when I got to the "middle", if I rode it like I was going to change direction (and then didn't) it helped me use my outside aid better on the first part of the next circle.
Then the magic happened, and of course it was magic so I can't really describe it.  The end result was that we had medium trot, and I could totally feel it, and then we had real honest to god lengthening and I could totally feel it.  But how we got there?  It had something to do with Duke stepping forward, and then bending, and then going round, and then I asked him to go forward with my legs but I used my hands with the round aids and so his step got bigger and bouncier instead of faster.
We worked on the canter too, with the same feels, and then John had me work on the sitting trot which was massively unpleasant.  Even though Duke was moving big and soft, I just couldn't unlock my back and I just pounded around up there on the poor guy.  For the sitting trot and for the canter, John had to tell me to sit up and to put my butt down in the saddle, I just kept tilting more and more forward.
At the end, he told me to halt and we halted - boom - perfectly square.
It was pretty amazing because I've never gotten Duke to move that well for that long by myself before, especially starting so dull (but John said with attentive ears) and so it was cool that I could do it, even if I needed John talking me through every step.  And I could totally feel the difference in the movement, and I could answer a bunch of John's questions about what was wrong and what the aid was to fix it; I just wasn't applying them but passively waiting for him to say it (I'm afraid I'm wrong).  It felt amazing, and I wish I could ride like that every day, although it was also kind of exhausting.

Jump with Christa

We had a lesson with Christa tonight, which I was late for because I-5 was closed and it took 40 minutes to go the six miles on the arterial roads down to the next exit.
THEN I needed John to help me put on Duke's new breastplate, which wasn't quite set up right, so thank god for John to help me put it together and adjust it on Duke to make sure it fit.
THEN we got to ride.  He started us on trot and canter circles, then we jumped a cross rail (right lead), switched to left over it, jumped a vertical, switched to right, etc.  John gradually raised these, and we actually did really well spacing ourselves it, which was the most amazing part to me.  As John started to raise them, Duke started to drift left, until eventually we knocked one down and messed up the flow.  We had a few where we came in on just exactly the right spacing, and those felt great, but I had a hard time when it was off, to get him back to the right place with a half halt.  Instead, we'd leap long over it, or he'd drift left (to give himself more space?).
From there, John had us take turns.  I started, and he yelled the fences as I got close, instead of telling them all ahead of time.  We did the same two verticals, added an oxer, and then added a narrow oxer to narrow vertical 3-stride (but long three) line.  We took turns on these a few times, and our third round, Duke got what I thought was a little grabby and downhill, but John thought was just him taking hold of the bit, not necessarily going downhill.  Duke did a really nice job trying to keep his feet clear, and John pointed out to Christa that they didn't get a single rail, so he thinks at the shows, she's holding her hands (and body) tense and it's transmitting to Freebie.
Duke was really glad to jump, and then really sweet afterwards, so I think John is right, he got sour from all that dressage when he kept pulling his shoes and I was messing around with the arena footing.
This weekend is Tulip, so we'll see how excited he is - hopefully not too excited - being out in the cross country course.

Dressage is hard

John rode Duke yesterday, and it took me quite a while to get all the moving parts (of me) to coordinate enough to ride him myself.  For a while, I thought it wasn't going to happen, but John persevered, and we made it.
First, I got to watch Andrea, Allison, and Sarah's jump lesson, after I took Duke up and down the hill in the sun.  It was really interesting to watch both their flat and their jump exercises, the differences and similarities between the three of them, and then which questions they asked John.
We started on a circle, John had me get Duke more round.  He said Duke was pretty stiff yesterday too, which even I could feel when we jumped Saturday.
Then we went to a 10 meter circle around him, counterbent until his inside shoulder moved in, then he could bend back to the inside.  John had us canter, and then - horrors - sit the trot.
At both the sitting trot and the canter, I had trouble keeping my damn butt in the saddle without curling up my heels and hunching over my shoulders.  Especially when I was riding with my reins short and out in front of me.
I had to really think about pushing my butt down, pulling my shoulders back, and then pushing my heels down.  And then checking that my left hand hadn't dropped.  And by the time I used all that brain power on myself, I had to start checking again.  I couldn't just feel and react to what Duke was doing.  And when John would have me do an aid, it was like the whole house of cards collapsed.
So Duke eventually got softer (I don't understand why), but like John said, at first it was like riding a jackhammer.  We did 10 meter circles at the trot, changes of direction, and 10 meter circles at the canter.  A lot of it was asking him to bend, but we also made the circles smaller and larger by pushing his front legs over the top of each other and leg yielding back out without giving away the reins.  At the sitting trot, John said to think about legs on/off/on/off to help some with the sitting, but it really felt like it was just my lower back that was stiff and wouldn't yield to let me "bounce" the trot.
There were so many aids, I couldn't think fast enough, especially when I needed to react or when one hand (or leg) needed to be doing something than the other hand.  It was really good practice, but my god, how many hours is it going to take before I can do this stuff "naturally"?

Jump lesson - big oxer to a tight right hand turn

We warmed up with Christa and Alina, then jumped with Christa.
Duke was a little stiff in warm up, he kept wanting to pop his head up instead of going round (mostly whenever we went past John), and he was hard to bend around my leg.  John had us go from trot to halt, and Duke halted square, but not round.  John said for now, to be happy with square, that it will just make Duke more anxious to then mess with the round.
We started with a cross rail, turned it into a vertical, then changed directions.
Then we went over an oxer, right hand turn to a vertical, left hand turn to another vertical.  I completely screwed up the first line, and went from the oxer on a hard right straight to the vertical, instead of looping around.
From there, then we did the second vertical on a very hard right turn to the first vertical.  The first time, I just had to halt in the wall, back up four steps, turn right, and then trot over it.  The second time, Duke did it perfectly.  The third time we made the turn, but only barely.
John said that it is being able to expect a 10 meter circle at any moment you want on show jumping.  If you can do a 10 meter circle in a dressage test, which is 320 mpm ish, you should also be able to ride a 10 meter circle at 350 mpm.  He said same thing in cross country, if you lift your chest, the horse should immediately go fro 550 mpm to 450 mpm, so you could make a 20 meter circle.
The tricky part was riding from the forward oxer (it was big, with a lot of space down the long side) to the very hard right turn; you couldn't ride that turn as forward as you rode the oxer, so you had to adjust to a more controlled (but impulse) stride, and you had to ride the line very precisely (John walked it out and showed us).
It was a great lesson in the importance of precision, being aware of the questions being tested, and riding every step.  Duke did ok.  I was really happy with the second ride through the line, but disappointed that we didn't keep it, and the third time through we were just on the edge of the fence again.

Jump lesson - two oxers, one triple combination

Couple big takeaways from this lesson:  I'm twisting towards the outside in my canter, which is (possibly) making Duke land on the wrong lead (when we switch directions each time).  Putting my weight down in my outside leg, using the outside leg aid, and looking the direction I want to go makes him switch from 100% wrong lead to 100% correct lead.
It is easier to ask Duke to turn and control him over the fences with my legs than my hands.

We did some trot and canter work, then a small vertical (going left), a bigger vertical, an oxer (3'4").  Duke was fabulous.  We switched directions and went over a small oxer that had fewer strides in front of it after the turn, but more distance on the far side.  Duke got a little flat and grabby, so I had to really ride him out of the corner.  This was a good exercise, to feel the difference between the two types of turns, and how much you have to plan ahead.
Then we switched to riding down the center, over three one-stride verticals.  Duke was pretty good on these, except for me and the wrong lead thing.
Good lesson.  Duke likes to jump.  Me too.
We got to walk up the hill and back in a break in the rain afterwards.

How to Catch a Horse

Casually stroll into the pasture.  Watch horse.
In this case, horse waited until John got right up next to him, then took off running up and down the fence line, skidding around and scaring himself and making himself more wound up.
Ignore horse.  Walk another direction.  Horse will follow.
Gradually corner horse using fence line, body, and tree.  Slyly pen horse in open goat stall and leap forward and slam gate shut.
Back up plan is barn door open, in case horse runs in.

John said turn him out with his leather halter on (no lead rope), so you can just grab halter and clip lead rope.  He said Duke is genuinely terrified of being caught, and is going to eventually hurt himself, either hurt a leg or go through the fence.  He said a mare is no good, Duke will be an instigator and will get the shit kicked out of a front leg and end his career.  He said build a chase pen (?) or extend the fence line 20' so I can corner him in and he doesn't have the whole pasture to run around in.  And don't yell, hit, or be anxious; he planned to spend 2 hours catching Duke, with nothing else to do.
He said let him have water, he'll colic.  And that it's super hard to catch a horse who doesn't mind starving to death instead of being caught.

I asked him to ride Duke the first few shows of the season, and then we'll see, Twin, Spokane, EI, maybe Inavale, don't know Rebecca.  I'll ride him Aspen.

Then we did a crazy hard dressage lesson.  John had us ride a 20 meter circle, then a 10 meter.  When Duke is popping his shoulder to the outside, counterbend him.  When I feel his shoulder go to the inside, he can go back to regular bend.
I had more success with the down transitions using the outside hand squeezing steady, and the inside hand squeeze and release.  and LEG ON.
John wants me to move my hips more in canter - sit/glide/sit/glide, and then get my back up (good posture) not hunched over.  It is really hard to both sit up and push my butt down and let it glide.  My theory is I'm not coordinated enough.  John says it's just really hard to use your hip flexors.
He had me ride Duke really forward, and then get him round.  He said that in our accidental time off, Duke fell back into bad habits; he's a horse who needs to be ridden every step (he didn't quite say it like that), but if you don't ask him what to do and hold him accountable, he goes back to his easy way (pop the shoulder out, grab the bit and dive down).
Duke was during the lesson, like yesterday, really trying hard.  Which makes me wish I could turn him out; I think it's good for him mentally.
The lesson was really hard, Duke got sweaty even with his clipping.  But it's hard to put into words.
I was thinking, when I was stewing about him running away, that he's actually a pretty challenging horse, (I was actually thinking how I've ruined him) so I was trying to think of all the ways he's improved in the 2 1/2 years I've had him.  Most of the time I can bridle him.  He quit biting me.  He hasn't bolted or frozen in a year.  He doesn't canter around tilted like a crazy motorcycle.  He doesn't grab the bit and bolt towards the fence.  But he does run away like an asshole, and he rarely gives me anything; he makes me work for it.

Sick week; Prick Duke

I've been sick since Sunday, although with hindsight, Sunday was a walk in the park.  Fortunately, Duke was spending half of the week with John, and he gave me a quick lesson Wednesday, rode him Thursday, and then hacked him Friday when I was too sick to make it out.  Riding today was unpleasant; I was weak, and couldn't get enough air in my damn lungs, so gasped around like a fish out of water.
On top of that, Duke was just in a mood.  He was stubborn, leaned on me, resistant, and basically acted like John has never ridden him before, and he wasn't going to respect John in the arena either.  Eventually, John went and got his draw reins, and then Duke was miraculously an entirely different horse.  He remembered how to go round and quit and soft and bent and pliable.  Until we tried to halt, then he danced all around, unable to stand still (also when John put them on and off).  So needless to say, we didn't get to jump.
However, I did get a little more insight into the aids.  If we're going right, and I want him bent right, I am half halting with my left hand (inside leg on when I squeeze with outside hand), but I am using my right hand differently, to squeeze in release.
Then John had me halt by using my outside leg, and Duke stopped in a gorgeous, still, square halt.
So I think there's a secret to independent hands and legs that I'm on the cusp of getting that will make things better.
John also wanted heels down, BUTT IN THE SADDLE, sitting up tall, and carrying my hands.  He said I was bending my wrist too much at one point, and had me collect the reins up way more than I thought I would.
He had us work on a 20 meter circle (with Tanya), then he'd say "10 meter circle!" and we'd shoot off into the 10 meter circle, where usually Duke wouldn't be bent enough.  We'd leg yield back out to the 20 meter circle for a while and then he'd have us come back in.
Duke was just chewing chewing chewing chewing on the bit and thrashing his tail and just generally letting anyone know who looked at him that he wasn't enjoying himself.  It's weird, 99.99% of the time after John rides him, he's a delight to be on, like a purring Cadillac.

Flat lesson, Day 8 (?) of bute

Mr. Duke spent a few days at Caber this week; John rode him once, I rode him a couple times before and after.  After John rode him, I could feel a difference, but he didn't feel as smooth as he usually does.  John had me work hard on bending him - he's just leaning on my hand and ignoring me, basically, so we bent him to the inside until I could see his eye, then to the outside.  John said at home I need to ride him with draw reins once or twice a week until he gets out of his new habit.
He also had me ride him a bit more forward than I normally do, both at the trot and canter.  He clucked/kissed at him, and Duke lept into action.  It was kind of irritating, since he pretty much blows me off.
We also tried a real dressage whip instead of my baby crop and took off his bell boots; John had me order a pair of professional choice no spin (the little bump to hold them in place) size large.
I still felt awful and discombobulated, like my hands are jerking all around, and my upper body and my lower leg.  I don't know if I can feel it better, or if it's so much worse that I can't help but feel it.
Duke's down transitions were much better, but he isn't anywhere near where he was at the end of last show season, so we have a long road ahead of us.  I just kept thinking "oh my god, another year of being in last place".
His hooves have been warm, but rotating - not consistently warm and not very warm.  I don't know what's going on.  John thinks Duke is a little stoic and works through it, and finally just kind of crapped out.
Onward ...

Dressage lesson, then lunge line!

John rode Duke for two days, then I had a dressage lesson tonight.  Even though Duke felt great when I got on him (his back always feels lifted, and he floats when he moves, and he's steadier in the rein and doesn't need as much leg after John rides him), I was all discombobulated and couldn't coordinate my aids for shit.  So we worked on me looking at John to keep my circle the same size, and pushing him in (front legs cross over) or out (don't let shoulder bulge out).  We worked on half halt (both legs steady on, outside rein), bending to the inside, bending to the outside, and then, both legs to move him forward.  If he ignored me, which he spent some time doing, John told me to really make him pay attention.
John also tightened my nose band by a hole and put a loop in my flash and then tightened it.
Duke was going great, it was just me who was floppy, with my legs all over the place and my hands all over the place, and even my shoulders all over the place.
So then, when I thought we were done, John put me on the lunge line, with Duke in side reins.  This felt absolutely crazy.  I rode with my arms over my head, out to the side, on my hips, or left hand on my back (we were going left).  I had to look at John, look to the front, look to the outside with my arms out to the side, then do it with my hands in "reins".  I had to give a little with my inside hand.  We went up to the trot, kept him going, cantered, and then had to do down transitions with my legs only.  Yikes.
Then he had me stretch up, pull my ribs away from my hips, then look up (not down).  This made me much taller and lifted my chest.  He had me use my hip to push Duke out - not lean the direction I wanted to go, but slide my hip diagonal across the saddle, which Duke liked a lot and responded to instantly.
For the down transition, I had a eureka that I'm not using enough leg, and on the lunge line, I could feel how much I collapsed to the inside over my hip.  It was amazing to feel the difference.  Also, bizarrely, my legs went from behind me and tucked up to in front of me, like a ski boat.
John said that at shows, we might try lunging him for 20 minutes, riding for 10, then going into dressage.  Just so he feels that he's supposed to be round and remembers it.

Dressage Sat; Jump w/Christa Sunday

Saturday we had a dressage lesson.  Duke had his shoes reset on Tuesday, we rode in an insane wind/downpour on Thursday, and Friday he felt a little choppy in the canter.  (The "insanity" was only 15 mph, with needly little occasional rain, and like 45 degrees - hardly a blizzard.)

We worked on getting Duke to release his throat latch, and when he wouldn't bend his neck but would only tilt his muzzle, John had me lift my left hand (it was going to the left), and sometimes bring it to the inside and then lift it.  

He wanted me to get Duke moving more over his topline, so we also worked on giving him inside leg to outside hand, and in particular, making sure if I used outside hand, I put some leg on so he didn't stall.

John also had me work on sitting a few degrees further back (closer to upright, even though it feels like tilting backwards) to try to get my butt in the saddle.  But the tricky part here was to keep my hips moving.  When I lean back, I guess I set my hips, and if I thought about keeping them going, Duke wouldn't stall, but if I just leaned back without that "swing", he'd trot.  

We continued some of the same work on trying to bend him, by counterbending, then bending back in, and also a bit about me not "perching" up over the front of the saddle.

Doug was at the lesson and he said that he couldn't see what I did, but he could see the difference in Duke after John told me to do things.

Then today we jumped with Christa, but Duke was much more off in the right front, so when John made the final fence big, we had to sit it out.

He started with having us post in a two point around for a while, canter, then switch directions.  Then we did a grid, starting with ground poles, to one vertical, to a one stride vertical, to three verticals, to four verticals, with the fourth getting higher.  I'm pretty sure Christa ended at 4'2".  We quit way before that.

Duke was really excellent.  The main things to work on were opening my chest, sitting up tall, and keeping my lower leg forward instead of letting it swing back.  Duke handled the rest.

He's at Caber this week, so hopefully he'll be feeling better in that hoof by tomorrow so that he can get some work done with John.  I gave him a bath after his ride today so Ashley can clip him, and his tail was itchy Saturday, and his sheath really needed cleaning.  So my home method didn't work.